Anonymous wrote:This thread started out on a bad foot, but since then you have actually given some very good answers. Thanks. It can be so hard for parents even when they mean well the make good choices for the kids when the system is really not set up with the kids in mind so good advice from someone with experience can be very helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread started out on a bad foot, but since then you have actually given some very good answers. Thanks. It can be so hard for parents even when they mean well the make good choices for the kids when the system is really not set up with the kids in mind so good advice from someone with experience can be very helpful.

Yes, it is helpful to have a professional see that we, as parents, are not entirely crazy. Or that we are crazy, but not for the reason coaches claim.

I look back and realize that I would have never let a teacher, or a scout leader, or any other adult treat my child, or any other child, in the manner I've allowed in soccer. And we PAID for the privilege. And truth be told some of it was vanity and prioritizing adult relationships, not the best interest of the kids. I kept thinking that kids need to be tough, resilient, pick themselves up when they are knocked down, etc. But there is a line between disappointment, as in "I'm sorry, your ability to win 1 v. 1s just isn't where it needs to be right now to play on this top team by I've talked to B team coach and he's going to work with you on this next year" and keeping them in an environment that is so arbitrary, uncoordinated, political, and unmotivating that all but the strongest wind up wanting to walk away. The impact of treating young athletes this way extends way beyond sports into other areas of life.

A while back, there was a long thread about how club soccer is a year to year proposition and one persistent poster kept saying that if your soft kid can't take it, go play rec. Why does that have to be? Why should time consuming youth activities be set up to be strictly year to year (or even season to season propositions), with little caring or committment beyond that, or frankly, even during that year? It's like what if we moved kids randomly to different schools each year and then blamed them for not making friends quickly or having trouble adapting academically after the move. Oh, and each school gets to pick a handful of favorites who stay at the same school to receive small group instruction, and to serve as examples to the transient kids how much better they could be if they just worked harder and learned how to adapt. Post on social media about the incredible academic accomplishment of these star students. Send them around the country for enriching experiences. Invite others to come to your school, so that they too, can achieve like the superstars. Meanwhile, one inexperienced teacher is assigned to go through the motions of teacher the large pool of transients about whom they have no information. Complain? Why? Your struggling kid is obviously stupid and lazy and nothing I, as a teacher, can do will make him better. He needs to figure it out or find a new school. Seriously, why can't he figure it out? Do you not see how well our top students are doing? Follow us on Instagram. If the kid is struggling at any point in the school year, or even has a few bad days in a row, the school can bring in a bigger and better student from a different school and shift your kid into the loser pool somewhere else. Should have worked harder and grown more this year son! And parents, seriously. Adjust your expectations. Your child is obviously not the next Einstein, so there is no reason for us to help him meet academic expectations. Get real. He would be on Instagram too if he had what it takes. It's all about effort, you know.

That's what the system feels like to me. It works great for the stars, and maybe the most naturally gifted and mentally tough. But not every team should be run like the highest level DA or ECNL. Travel soccer clubs have teams with all types of kids. How will these kids be confident enough to try and fail when there's no stability or adults that care about them? There is little incentive to be the best they can be (which, gasp, might not be THE best), because the favorite slots are limited. And if you aren't THE BEST, you don't matter. Why try?

And on and on it goes. Obviously I'm being dramatic, but it is not far from the truth.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that this thread has been useful and interesting. There’s no doubt that a lot of coaches and clubs are careless with the players who sign up in good faith to learn and improve.

I’m curious about the flip side as well. I’ve seen a lot of people who seem on the surface to be decent and rational treat coaches absolutely terribly. If their kid doesn’t get the playing time or starting positions they think the kid deserves, they will trash the coach, club, and other players on the team to anyone who will listen (including on DCUM!). Have you seen that sort of parent behavior in your coaching time? How do you handle it? Is it predictable which types of people will behave that way? Do you talk about problem parents with other coaches in your club?

NOVASoccerCoach wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for starting this thread, Coach!

I think you answered my question in your earlier comments, but I want to get your thoughts. I'm a parent of an undersized, technical U14 boy who has played for higher level EDP club that has increasingly bloated rosters. Although my son has been fortunate to be picked to be on the rosters, he comes in off the bench and does not always get that much playing time. Some boys on the team do not get selected for game day rosters at all. Worse still, the club will have its top players from a younger age group play up, so that in a weekend, these boys play for their own team and then start for the older age group as well, while other players get limited playing time or don't even make the roster at all. I can understand if this is a DA club, but it isn't.

The training is good, and the coaches tell parents that training, which includes scrimmages, is more important that playing time in actual games. Do you agree with this? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy that the "better" kids keep getting better, and the mid-tier kids fall farther behind when they don't play. For smaller kids who have yet to hit their growth spurts, can team training advance development if there is little playing time in games? In retrospect, I wish he had moved on a year ago because he's so afraid of making mistakes and getting benched that he looks like he isn't playing hard.

Nah, that's bullshit and I hate that type of crap clubs try to pull. Scrimmages are great but nothing replicates the actual game environment against opposition where both teams know the game matters more than a scrimmage. I don't want to know what club this is because it's awful that some kids don't even get selected for a game day roster.....this is youth soccer! If this was at the DA or ECNL level I could understand, but as you said it's not. Also the fact that they are playing their youngers getting more game time than the players that are actually in that age group is terrible. I'd leave that club ASAP and find a club to get your kid some playing time come game day.

For players to get better they need to be playing in training, learning from training then practicing what they learned in the game environment. Get your kid out of that club asap. What a shitshow of a club. Apologies for my language as your account of what that club does really pissed me off and is what's wrong with soccer in this area.

Edit: Didn't even read your last comment. If your player is afraid of making mistakes at U14 because he thinks it may get him benched, get him out of that club. Players need to make mistakes to learn, it's the only way and if that is going to jeopardize playing time at U14, that is utterly ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

NOVASoccerCoach wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for starting this thread, Coach!

I think you answered my question in your earlier comments, but I want to get your thoughts. I'm a parent of an undersized, technical U14 boy who has played for higher level EDP club that has increasingly bloated rosters. Although my son has been fortunate to be picked to be on the rosters, he comes in off the bench and does not always get that much playing time. Some boys on the team do not get selected for game day rosters at all. Worse still, the club will have its top players from a younger age group play up, so that in a weekend, these boys play for their own team and then start for the older age group as well, while other players get limited playing time or don't even make the roster at all. I can understand if this is a DA club, but it isn't.

The training is good, and the coaches tell parents that training, which includes scrimmages, is more important that playing time in actual games. Do you agree with this? It seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy that the "better" kids keep getting better, and the mid-tier kids fall farther behind when they don't play. For smaller kids who have yet to hit their growth spurts, can team training advance development if there is little playing time in games? In retrospect, I wish he had moved on a year ago because he's so afraid of making mistakes and getting benched that he looks like he isn't playing hard.

Nah, that's bullshit and I hate that type of crap clubs try to pull. Scrimmages are great but nothing replicates the actual game environment against opposition where both teams know the game matters more than a scrimmage. I don't want to know what club this is because it's awful that some kids don't even get selected for a game day roster.....this is youth soccer! If this was at the DA or ECNL level I could understand, but as you said it's not. Also the fact that they are playing their youngers getting more game time than the players that are actually in that age group is terrible. I'd leave that club ASAP and find a club to get your kid some playing time come game day.

For players to get better they need to be playing in training, learning from training then practicing what they learned in the game environment. Get your kid out of that club asap. What a shitshow of a club. Apologies for my language as your account of what that club does really pissed me off and is what's wrong with soccer in this area.

Edit: Didn't even read your last comment. If your player is afraid of making mistakes at U14 because he thinks it may get him benched, get him out of that club. Players need to make mistakes to learn, it's the only way and if that is going to jeopardize playing time at U14, that is utterly ridiculous.

This was my son’s experience at his former club, almost to the letter. (In fact, we may know each other). Coach, I appreciate your advice and outrage! Had we not already switched clubs, we would have taken your advice and cut bait. Everything you’ve said about this is spot on. DS is far happier now, more confident and no longer wants to quit the sport altogether. Keep up the great thread - you have some very helpful, even-handed things to say and it’s appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:Greeting NOVA coach --- great topic

I have 14 1/2 years old and he is currently playing both soccer and tennis at the same time. He is 6 feet 1 and 180lbs. He is currently in the top 20th mid-Atlantic for tennis and he is playing HS varsity for a private school in the Mclean area. Over the summer, he is much more interested in soccer than tennis. We took him to several soccer coaches for consulting and evaluations. They said to us that he can play D1 soccer if he concentrates solely on soccer from now on. If he keeps playing two sports, it will be hard to catch up with kids who have been playing soccer since the age of 5.

He does not want to give up tennis just yet but the idea of D1 soccer sound very interesting to him. He is a very good athlete and he trains everyday at the country club. He run 1 mile in under 5 minutes and the 100 meters dash in under 11 seconds.

As parents, how do you when to tell your kid that it is time to specialize in one sport in order to maximize one potential?

TIA

Anonymous wrote:
As parents, how do you when to tell your kid that it is time to specialize in one sport in order to maximize one potential?

Anonymous wrote:What is a blue chip athlete?

Anonymous wrote:what do you mean "there isn't much to be done with raising the level of the team"... are you saying the kids are a lost cause?