Husband gets angry and screams at me when confronted

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[Post New]08/30/2019 13:20
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Anonymous
Lately he blows up at me anytime I bring up something that makes him uncomfortable. He says he feels cornered and attacked. I don’t know how to talk to him.
[Post New]08/30/2019 13:30
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Lately he blows up at me anytime I bring up something that makes him uncomfortable. He says he feels cornered and attacked. I don’t know how to talk to him.


What are the topics you argue about?
[Post New]08/30/2019 13:41
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Anonymous
He needs anger management therapy. Period.

Screaming is not okay.
[Post New]08/30/2019 14:07
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Anonymous
Try writing things out. He might take it better if it was in a email or letter. Give him time to process.
[Post New]08/30/2019 14:09
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Anonymous
"Screaming is verbally abusive. I'm sure you don't mean to be an abuser, so you have to stop. Do you want to think about it and tell me tomorrow how you'd like me to bring up things that make you uncomfortable going forward? Because sometimes we DO need to talk about money, or getting a lump biopsied or DS having special needs."
[Post New]08/30/2019 14:20
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:"Screaming is verbally abusive. I'm sure you don't mean to be an abuser, so you have to stop. Do you want to think about it and tell me tomorrow how you'd like me to bring up things that make you uncomfortable going forward? Because sometimes we DO need to talk about money, or getting a lump biopsied or DS having special needs."


This is a good script for you, OP.

If you say this and he blows up at it, then tell him that since he can't even talk about talking about certain topics, it's time for you both to get an objective, neutral professional who can work with you both on communication as a couple. (Don't say to him "YOU can't communicate," say that as a couple you're not communicating.) Make an appointment with a marriage counselor pronto and when the day comes if DH balks or bit$&es about going, calmly tell him either you both go and commit to it or you'll go to individual therapy to rethink why the marriage is not working for you.

I do agree though with an earlier PP who asked what the topics are that make him so resistant and angry. That does matter.
[Post New]08/30/2019 16:23
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Anonymous
My husband shuts down when asked questions and always when asked about something he is responsible for. He has a lifetime of avoidance due to his ADD.
[Post New]08/30/2019 16:35
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jabaltimore004
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Anonymous wrote:My husband shuts down when asked questions and always when asked about something he is responsible for. He has a lifetime of avoidance due to his ADD.


And a built in excuse for his behavior isn't going to help him.
[Post New]08/30/2019 17:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Lately he blows up at me anytime I bring up something that makes him uncomfortable. He says he feels cornered and attacked. I don’t know how to talk to him.


yep my DH is the same way. Started about 2yrs ago- I think he has anxiety/depression but he won’t get help.

I just don’t bring anything up anymore, and navigate carefully when he is in a mood...which is not a long term solution!!

I’m hoping some people have good advice, because I sure need some as well.
[Post New]08/30/2019 17:33
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Anonymous
My husband is only that way when smoking pot. any Chance substance use has started or changed?
[Post New]08/30/2019 18:42
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Anonymous
Anonymous[b wrote:]He needs anger management therapy. Period.

Screaming is not okay[/b].



Yes. And start separation.
[Post New]08/30/2019 22:26
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Anonymous
jabaltimore004 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband shuts down when asked questions and always when asked about something he is responsible for. He has a lifetime of avoidance due to his ADD.


And a built in excuse for his behavior isn't going to help him.


Oh he’ll blame and defect things right away, each time. His whole family has a whole bag of excuses every time someone messes up, forgets, makes a mistake. No personal responsibility for their behaviors, actions or inactions. Modern life has made it too damn easy for the f Ed up people- they just stare at their phones and computers all day and night while some female figure does everything else.
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