If you had to start over financially after divorce...
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Lady_looking
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| OP, here. Would folks mind sharing a little insight on why they felt it was worth it? What were your reasons for divorce? |
Anonymous
Post 50 divorce. Having sex again. Best move of my life. Don’t stay with a frigid woman |
Anonymous
| Sex, freedom and fun! Plus I don't need to take care of anyone! |
Anonymous
34YO here. No kids but definitely was accustomed to two incomes to find the overhead and my ex husband, while not rich, made more than me. He just really lost almost all interest in me. Physically I actually lost weight over the course of our marriage and maintained a slim, athletic figure. I’m laid back and not a nag, we both did chores and stuff and no one had to ever address it with the other. I have a lot of hobbies and he wouldn’t even ask me about anything that he knew I enjoyed. Never asked about work. If I had a softball game, never asked if we won or how I did. Just sat in the same spot on the couch watching TV whenever he wasn’t at work. He didn’t really go to the gym and he did when we got together. He also gave up the sports he played. Looking back maybe he was depressed, I don’t know. One day I walked in from something that was really important to me and once again he barely acknowledged that I walked in the door. I just blew up. Not in a mean way, but like, why don’t you care about even how my day was? He would want to have sex but wouldn’t French kiss me or otherwise be affectionate. Why would I want to have sex with someone who won’t kiss me or hold my hand on a walk? It was just total, utter apathy. I knew I was young and I would lay in bed and think like, “50 more years of this?” I’m glad I lost it that one day. I spent some time in a tiny apartment. I couldn’t even afford cable. It was actually my favorite time of my life, reading and going running and walking my dog after work. Using the internet at the library on Saturdays. Really simple living. I felt like I really got to know and love myself and now I’m remarried to a wonderful guy who makes me happy with the simplest things like just being interested in what I did at work or how my workout was. |
Anonymous
| It was worth it for me too. I left at 35, the 42yo story is encouraging. I left because it was just a dead end. I was nothing but a score for him, and he didn’t know how to love, and he hurt me deeply. And there was no way I would expose my child to an expectation around the standards he had for a family any more than 45% of the time. I don’t regret leaving st all, and I would do it again. But I’d do it differently and try to avoid or better prepare for the financial sacrifices I had to make. I thought I had prepared; but you don’t always know the cost of unpredictability and how that will hit your pockets with legal, medical, living, etc when there is a high emotion driving irrational behavior that you have to navigate or course correct. |
Anonymous
| I divorced at 42. Traded my entitlement to his retirement to keep the house. No child support or alimony. We stopped putting our relationship first. He didn’t help around the house and by default became my lowest priority. We were both to blame. |
Anonymous
| I got divorced at 50. Still in debt but I should have a normal retirement. Yes, it's worth it but I wish it hadn't been necessary. |
Anonymous
| I was so lucky in that I had my parents behind me. My Dad said “don’t ask for money, just 100% custody” so that’s what I did. That was three years ago and now I’m financially self sufficient and very happy. |
Anonymous
| Yes. I was 30 when we got divorced, no kids. I made way more than him and had to pay him a ton of alimony, which was such a joke because he had nothing to do with my paycheck. He was a loser who talked a big talk for years and never did anything while I actually finished school, went to grad school, got a real job that I didn't get fired from, etc. Totally worth it even though I had to pay off all our joint debt, basically give him our savings, and years later still found ways that he had been taking my money. |
Anonymous
| Yes. 32 when I left my ex with a 2 year old and an infant, no savings (he was financially abusive), and a gap on my resume. I got a high limit credit card before leaving and maxed it out the first year after leaving to get on my feet. Was accepted into a rigorous graduate program and got a six figure job upon graduation. A pain? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely, 100%. |
Anonymous
It was worth it because he screamed at me in front of my kids routinely, undermined me, ridiculed me, insulted me, and cheated on me. I was suicidal when I left. |
Anonymous
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Wife cheated on me and told me it was my fault, so I doubled down and bought her an expensive new car. I eventually gave her a really generous divorce payout thinking she would come back.
I stayed in the house and carried it alone for three years. Finally getting my act together and selling the former marital home. Starting over at 52, I have majority of custody of two kids. I love hearing stories of success from others. |
Anonymous
Curious -- what kind of grad program? |
Anonymous
MBA |
Anonymous
| I had no choice, my ex left me. I took half of our piddling savings. 4 years later, on a small non-profit salary, I've saved more than we ever had when we were together. My ex's plan was always to get a downpayment for a home from her parents, and to count on the money she would get from them for retirement, so we were living an UMC lifestyle on LMC earnings. Now I live within my means and am happy to be more stable. |