Diagnosed with Terminal Cancer -- Pass my journals onto my children or burn now?
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Rockjaw
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I am a 56 y/o male, with children aged 14 & 12. I had a close call myself, in Dec 2016, so whilst I have not had to face this exact situation, I have seriously contemplated my actions given this reality. In addition, I went through this same experience, albeit from the grown child’s perspective, back in 1988, when my 62 y/o father was facing this battle.
As the youngest of 7 and the only male child, at age 22, I was overwhelmed by the thought of this loss, whilst also trying to “be a man”. My dad had incredible focus during this period, he went about settling his affairs, planning his services and transferring businesses and assets, while also preparing specific keepsake packages for each of us, including multiple page handwritten notes for each of us. Prior to entering the hospital for what would be his final hospitalization, he placed each package on our old beds in our childhood home. To this day, I treasure these mementos, as they continue to connect he and I, while also helping his grandchildren to become familiar with the man that guided me into becoming whom I am today. Your instincts and intent seem well placed and in my humble opinion, at some point in the future, your children will cherish the insights and memories that your words will convey. With sincere graditude, and in honor of your strength, love and compassion. GOD bless you... |
Anonymous
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While I do agree that preserving audio and video are important, sometimes those can tug so hard on your heart it hurts. I can’t look at the photos of my father from his last days even now, many years later. When I hear and see him in old videos I suck in air.
Your journals are an incredible gift where you allow your children to take control of their emotions and grief. They can re-read a familiar and comforting piece, they can plunge in for hours, they can carry the physical paper with them, or just leave all in a box until they need it or don't. Like the PP said, don’t worry about sorting mementos at this time. You are lucky you have been journaling for years. You won’t have to scramble to preserve memories; the work is done. I love the idea of age matching when you wrote it with when they will read it. If you follow that, I suspect you’ll need very little editing. |
Anonymous
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please save them
dont edit them if you have the energy, copy them electronically so there is more than one copy |
Anonymous
That would be me. I'm not sure people would want to see my ranting and negativity. |
Anonymous
It's a valid question. |
Anonymous
Nope, it really isn't. This is a grieving mother about to die and leave behind young children who she wants to remember her. Go f*ck yourself. Hard. |
Anonymous
I second this. So much crap left and arguing with siblings. Keep it simple is a blessing |
Anonymous
| I am so sorry to hear this. I would keep them and pass along. I would cherish receiving journals of my mother’s life unedited too! Because I would always wonder what was ripped out or blurred out. |
Anonymous
| OP, how are you doing? |
Anonymous
I suspect you did not experience losing a parent as a young child. When you miss out on the opportunity to get to know a parent as an adult, any insight into who they were is incredibly valuable. |
Anonymous
| Edit, then give them to your kids to read as adults. |
Anonymous
Good point. Both of mine I was older. I immediately focused on the pain that disposing all the personal items caused. Got little help until it came time to split the money and then siblings all over it. |
Anonymous
I'm a PhD anthropologist. It's very rare and valuable to get this kind of qualitative data over a long period of time on an individual. It could be useful to so many researchers in so many ways. I would think it would also be interesting to ethnographic researchers in other disciplines (history, sociology, etc.) I hope this puts the question to bed. OP, wishing you and your family peace, strength and joy in your journey. You will always be with your kids in some way. You will always, always be Mom. My mom's mother died of breast cancer when my mom was 7 and her mother 37. Obviously, I never met her, but she is my favorite grandparent, based on the many stories my mom told me over the years, songs she sang me that her mother sang to her, and values that she passed on. I am 40 and pregnant with #2. If we have a girl, she will be named after her. I am so sorry you are going through this. |
Anonymous
Anonymous
| Dear All, this is OP. thank you to everyone for weighing in -- your opinions are important and I realized I should consider our son might also like my journals, not just our daughter. I remember getting a locket diary when I was my daughter's age and I carried it everywhere with me. My influences at the time were Harriet the Spy and the fact that we were a military family so a lot of what I wrote during my teen years were "letters" to friends I'd left behind. The reason I mentioned a grad student wanting to do a study on my life is from an AMST class I had in college -- the journal we read was about a pioneer woman in Kansas who wrote about life on the prairie, her "pin money" and just little things that ended up becoming a book that I was assigned as a student in the nineties. I have no illusion that my life is any more interesting that anyone else but I take comfort that my children will one day want to read these journals and maybe they'll feel comforted to know me even though I'm gone. I have also begun to go through early videos with the kids to try to create some positive memories. They love to hear about themselves, when they were born, first words, walking, etc. I may feel like shit but it's important to be strong for them, I think. I haven't mentioned the journals -- they are too young. But I have talked to my spouse and requested that when he feels it's the right time, he pass them on. |