When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

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02/24/2018 14:17

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

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02/24/2018 14:26

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

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02/24/2018 14:33

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

Excuse me, did we hire comment police? This advice is heartfelt and based on my own personal experiences. It’s ok if someone recommends a different approach.

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02/24/2018 16:23

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Being in denial or acting like an ostrich is self-destructive. Knowledge is power. Cheaters lie and hide becuse if you knew what was really going on, you would make decisions that were to your benefit and their detriment.

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02/24/2018 16:27

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

+1 that is ridiculous

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02/24/2018 16:41

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Visit survivinginfidelity.com. There is good advice there about how to investigate cheating and how to confront productively. I think you can’t decide how to confront until you’ve done investigation and determined how you feel about what you find.

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02/24/2018 16:51

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

ZachF
Member
Joined: 12/30/2015 14:13
Messages: 725
Offline

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

+3 Don't even look? Like, just live in denial? Ignorance is bliss and all that? I'm glad that is working for you but it's terrible advice for someone else in this situation.

profile p.m.

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02/24/2018 19:21

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

+3 Don't even look? Like, just live in denial? Ignorance is bliss and all that? I'm glad that is working for you but it's terrible advice for someone else in this situation.

+4
Hate to pile on but I agree. I do agree that the truth in these situations tends to come out, especially if you want it to, but the rest just makes me sad for the poster.

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02/25/2018 09:38

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. How much is 100%? I just don’t know if I can wait for months to slowly amass info. If I have the weird text, find condoms & see a weird number. Is that enough?

SO still & consistently since we met, talks about a big trip we’ll take in a few years when the kids are old enough, and our retirement (decades away but has always been our fav topic)

F. I can’t believe it.... but I think it’s time I do.

Proceed cautiously down this rabbit hole! It will suck the life out of you and your career, parenting and other relationships. Put your energy instead into building contentment and have faith the truth will come out eventually whatever it may be. The only thing worst than being cheated on is a lifetime of insecurity and suspicions, it is Hell. My advice is don’t even look unless it’s pretty freaking obvious or you just happen to find out some other way.

I think that's absurdly stupid advice.

+3 Don't even look? Like, just live in denial? Ignorance is bliss and all that? I'm glad that is working for you but it's terrible advice for someone else in this situation.

+4
Hate to pile on but I agree. I do agree that the truth in these situations tends to come out, especially if you want it to, but the rest just makes me sad for the poster.

PP. I’ve cheated and been cheated on over the course of past relationships. Either the relationship ended for other reasons, I left/was left to be with the other person, there was a confession, or I found out via a mistake and ended it. What they all had in common- there was a fundamental incompatibility that was going to show up either way. What I would tell younger me is don’t turn your life upside down and turn into a shell of your former self over anyone. Things have a way of working themselves out.

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02/25/2018 10:30

Subject: When would you/did you confront SO about cheating? The aftermath if you’re wrong?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:
+4
Hate to pile on but I agree. I do agree that the truth in these situations tends to come out , especially if you want it to, but the rest just makes me sad for the poster.

My SO is a serial cheater. Literally every time I find out and confront him, he gives me the trickle truth. When I confront him with that, he always says that it doesn't matter if he continues to omit things because I always find everything out anyhow. His defense is actually that the truth always comes out so it doesn't need to come from him.