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I am so tired - how does everyone do it?
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Anonymous
| I am a new mom and I feel like the sleep deprivation is going to send me to the looney bin. My son is almost five months old and now that he has learned to roll over his sleep is getting worse instead of better! My husband and I have been trading off the night feedings/duty, but even with this help I feel so overwhelmed. I love my son to pieces but I am just so frustrated, tired, and miserable because I am so tired. I would give anything for some solid sleep on a fairly consistent basis. Why do I feel like I am the only one feeling this way? Other mothers seem to handle it without complaint (or only minor complaints). People keep telling me that I will get used to it, but I haven't gotten used it and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Aside from coffee and exercise (my attempts at managing the sleep deprivation), how does everyone else deal with it? I simply can't nap when the baby naps - I have to work. It also seems that whenever I try to nap when the baby naps, he gets up just as I am falling asleep! |
Anonymous
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Everyone else is tired, just not admitting it.
Or they have a whole lotta help. I'm sorry I don't have any solutions for you, although in the do-as-I-say category, I wish I'd outsourced a lot of things during the baby's first year. In a Money magazine article on a family with four kids, the younger three triplets, the father talks about hiring help in the first year and says that going into debt for a little while is cheaper than divorce. (I'm not saying you should go into debt, ncessarily, but nothing is going to wear you down faster than sleep deprivation, so do what you gotta do to get some sleep.) |
Anonymous
You just do it - and it will get better. I was desperate - my DS was 10 months and still waking up every two hours. I was desperately tired. Like a zombie - while trying to work full time. And then, almost overnight, it changed and he slept till five am. I coudl not believe it. I did nothing different- he just slept. SO it will get better. I hope it will be soon, for you 
PS: do you co-sleep? |
Anonymous
Believe me, lots of us feel you even if we aren't publicly complaining. I am a WOHM. I could never nap when baby napped either, on the weekends or during maternity leave. There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that it might be a long fucking tunnel! That is how I'm trying to view it anyway (11 months). My personal solution is to go to bed ridiculously early, shortly after the baby goes to bed. It's not hard to do because I'm a tired wreck by then. It means less one-on-one time with my spouse for now, and lots of things on my to-do list on hold, but then I go back to the tunnel idea -- at the very very outside I should be getting some decent sleep when the little one is a 2 year old, right? And then those other things will fall into place again. Or, when that feels too too far away, I tell myself to deal with it another month, and revisit things then. I can usually psych myself up to deal with another month. Month by month, I'll eventually get to the end of the tunnel. But that isn't the same thing as getting used to it. Also every 6 weeks or so my parents are able to visit for a weekend and I can sleep in while they play with their grandchild in the morning -- that can usually get me revved back up for a little while. |
Anonymous
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I remember this feeling and one day my friend said to me, "if they ever told you how hard it would be, people would never have kids"...nothing has been more true.
Just let the little stuff go...who cares about dust, wash enough coffee cups to keep your habit in check and not attract bugs, your bed sheets don't have to be changed weekly unless really really dirty...and really - if you have to work (as I do....I really really get this), then take 2 naps a week. AND - every other mother is feeling this way...people just don't talk about it cuz you feel like the only one - why expose your weakness. If I told how long it's been since hubby and I were intimate, you would fall over and wonder why we're not divorced....some things just gotta give. it does get better - I swear...either that or you get more used to it...but it does become more normal and you will get more sleep. I promise. |
Anonymous
I have a nearly seven month old and a 3.5 year old. I have never been so tired in all of my life. I look in the mirror in the morning and see  bags under my red, bleary eyes.
It does get easier - I found that I really got into a good routine when my little girl was about 14 months old. We slept well all night, and found time for just about everything that needed to be done. I am hopeful that things will settle with #2 as he gets older, too. |
Anonymous
| It gets better. I think the 5-8 month period is the hardest in terms of feeling exhausted - they are waking more as they learn more skills and get teeth, and if you're breastfeeding that just takes a toll on you right before they get on solids. |
Anonymous
| The first year is the hardest. That's the major understatement of the year. Everyone has felt the way you do...most of us just figure that it's more depressing to complain about it. If you really feel looney, maybe you should take a little vacation for yourslef. I've heard of moms renting hotel rooms for the night so that they could get one good night's rest. I went on my first business trip after I stopped BFIng DS and thought it was total heaven to be in a room by myself and to sleep all night long. Do what you need to keep it together. Or, don't keep it together and have a good cry about it. Hang in there...I promise it DOES get better. Like PP, my DS just started sleeping straight through one night. We didn't do anything. |
Anonymous
| PP, how old was your DS? Can you post on the 11-month old thread from earlier today? (There's a dearth of posts there...) |
Anonymous
| Up until 5 months was the most horrible, most difficult period of my life. We then got some help sleep training our daughter and she started sleeping through the night. You might consider a sleep consultant. We used Annika Brindley. |
Anonymous
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I returned to work when my first was 5 months. I almost came to tears when my supervisor (a father of 3) asked me "how's it going." Right after that conversation, I bought Feberber's book and implemented. I know the CIO or modified CIO is not for everyone. But I just had to get some more sleep to function. She had gone back to waking to nurse every two hours and it was clear I was more of a sleep aid than a nutritional delivery system.
Hang in there and think about whether you are ready to eliminate the nightime feedings. At 5 months, this should be an option from a nutritional perspective. |
Anonymous
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It is definitely tough. I am a new mom too and completely sleep deprived. Plus, I opted to pump so I am constantly cleaning my pump stuff, pumping, being with baby, and trying to juggle the everyday chores.
Since DD is on breast milk I have to be careful about drinking too much caffeine so I can't really rely on coffee or soda for a temporary fix. I get exercise by running around the house trying to get things done when baby is sleeping. DH works long hours so I can't really go out for a run like I used to (although I do go out with the stroller every morning). I am tired and border line zombie. I understand why sleep deprivation is used as a way of torture now. My DH's friend was over last week and asked how I managed two black eyes - those "black eyes" were the heavy bags. I was mortified (as I am sure my DH's friend was too after making that comment). At least I am not so emotional anymore like I was during PP. I also found a moms's group through my Church which is so inspiring and so supportive. |
madymama
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It gets better. IT DOES!!!! We all have been there, believe me. It is horrible to be sleep deprived. There is a reason why they use it as a torture technique! I truly truly is torture BUT it does get better I promise. I don't know if you breastfeed but my little girl kept on waking up until 19 months old when I offered her a bottle (which she had refused to take until then even if it contained expressed bm). That day the bottle was full of formula (I thought that maybe my milk wasn't enough anymore because by 10 months old most babies sleep a bit longer than 2 hours at a time). Not only she took it but she started sleepng 10 hours straight shortly after that
When you get to the point where you are that tired, all I can tell you is that the most important is for you to get sleep no matter what the method. If it means supplementing a hungry breastfed baby with formula, do it and do not feel guilty. If it means sleeping with baby in your bed do it (so long as it is safe) and do not feel guilty. If that means hiring reliable help do it and do not feel guilty! Because a well rested parent is a happier parent and a happy parent means a happy baby. Whatever works so you guys get sleep is what you should do. It may still be hard and it may take a little longer for you to figure out what works but you will eventually and all this sleep deprived blur will be a memory. It goes by very quickly, it's just hard to see when you are in it. I hope this help a least a little. |
Anonymous
| hang in there...i felt the same way with my first. so tired. not to say you are doing anything wrong, just a thought, if you are breastfeeding and drinking lots of coffee that for sure will make baby's sleep worse. i know from first hand experience. cut the caffeine to one cup in the morning and that is it. also 5 months is a huge teething time at least for my kids. if they seem fussy at night try a little tylenol to see if it helps and check with your finger for budding teeth or even gums that look like that could be budding. on the weekends take turns with hubby for naps or alternate sleeping in each day or really if you can afford it have a sitter come for 2 hours so you can sleep. |
Anonymous
I totally agree with the first part of this post. I absolutely hate the baby baby phase of my children's lives whether it was the sleep deprivation or the post partum depression for which i never got medicated, I'll never know. I can tell you as a mom of a 4 year old and 2 year old, it does get better. I always loved my babies, I just don't like that phase as I always felt completely inept at mothering as it is a very humbling experience coming from someone who flet fairly accomplished in other areas of life. Hang in there, we're all tired, just to varying degrees. |