I am so tired - how does everyone do it?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mother by choice. Yes, I went the sperm donor route. I raised my daughter all alone, no help whatsoever. I preferred it that way because I wanted to bond with her. I don't regret it one bit. I lost a lot of sleep but it really was worth it to me because my dream of being a mother finally came true. I can honestly say that around the 7th month is when my daughter stopped the night feedings and I started to sleep more. It will get better! Hang in there!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, other moms are in the same boat as you, you are not alone. what you describe is exactly why I decided to only have 1 child...just cannot take anymore of those sleepless nights!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am right there with you -- only you are better than me with the exercise. When do you fit it in? AM? Lunch?

[Anonymous]

It gets better for sure. I hardly remember the first 5 months with either of my daughters, much like I can't remember how bad morning sickness was. I swear it's some sort of hormonally-linked memory loss to help ensure the continuation of the human race.

A lot of the people not complaining also probably had babies that slept well right away. That makes a big difference and you will get there, hopefully sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a napper type of person and simply can't just go back to sleep. So instead of trading feedings back and forth at night, we ended up trading full nights so I knew every other night I could get 8 hours sleep. It helped so much! To have a night where you knew you could make it through without any waking up was great. This might work better for you both. Another idea, do you have a family member or friend that would be willing to do a sleep over one weekend and get up with the baby? Getting a weekend's worth of good sleep helps too. We've had friends who hired a overnight nanny to stay one night a week for the first 6 months to give them a chance to catch up on sleep. It cost them $150 a week, but they swear it was worth it. We couldn't afford that and couldn't go that route so we begged my sister in law to give us a break now and then and she did. At 6 months we were getting 8 solid hours sleep a night and it felt like 12 hours to us. Hang in there, it's just around the corner!

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone else said this already, but have you thought about sleep training? I was in the same boat as you, and my DH works at night so I was flying solo 5 nights a week. I bought a bunch of books on sleep training ( desperate mommy at borders!!) and they helped. I sort of used a combination of techniques because I wasn't strong enough to really CIO, but it helped and now my DD sleeps 12 hours a night with one feeding only, and goes right back to sleep after she eats.

You are doing a great job and don't think you are alone. I had never in my life felt so overwhelmed and under prepared for something as I did for parenthood...but now (dare I say!) I think I am pretty good at it and even enjoy it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You all make me feel so much better and somewhat "normal" about the dirty dishes in the sink, the clean ones in the dishwasher, the two baskets of laundry that need to be folded, and the full basket of dirty clothes in the closet of my 7.5 month old DD, and the lack of time my husband and I spend together. All of this ways on me and so hard to walk away from as I sit her typing with the breast pump on before I go to bed at 11:20pm...and now she just started to cry...

[Anonymous]

PP, to be blunt, I don't know how we do it, we just do.

My children are no longer babies, but I am still exhausted. Flat out tired. It sounds bad, but when my aunt died recently, I used my week away, alone, to catch up on some sleep. I don't think I woke before nine on any given day.

[Anonymous]

It is sooo hard. I also could never nap while baby napped (and as you describe...just as I would final;ly drift off to sleep he would wake up and I would feel worse). But as PPs have said it does get better. I found the first year the hardest thing I have ever done in my life (and I've had some brutual jobs where I would stay up for 48 hours in a row). But, with DS 16 months, I am now actually pregnant again (our choice).

I found at 6 months it got a bit better and then again better around 12 months. My suggestions:

1) if you have not already, establish an early (pre-8pm) bedtime for DC (sleep training books will be helpful if you have not already done this)
2) nce this is done. go to sleep when the baby goes to sleep a few nights a week - yes this cuts into time w/spouse but it will help you catch up on sleep
3) Keep up the exercise and continue to enjoy your morning cup of coffee
4) If your husband is willing, trade off and on alternative full nights w/not on duty spouse sleeping in a room farthest away from baby.
5) Begin to research sleep training by reading 3-4 of the available books (Ferber, Baby Whisperer, etc) and determine what you think would work for you and DC. I did this at 6 months and despite the fact that it was another 4 before we actually tried the plan I developed, it helped me to know that I had a plan to implement later on (ie, end of the non-sleep tunnel was in sight).
6) Feed baby well before bedtime (at 5 months you can start rice cereal and at 6 some other solids - you might find that this helps).
7) If you have a hard time falling asleep at night (I did) consider an occasional glass of wine at night. If you are breastfeeding, you should have time to have this right after pre-bedtime nursing and the alcohol will be out of your system by the first night feeding.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Here is what I say: now I know why sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

Everyone is different and some people need more sleep or a more consistent pattern of sleep to function. I'm one of the people who needs a schedule and X number hours every night. My Husband on the other hand is a freak of nature and can handle weird sleeping arrangements really well. I'm embarrassed to say my Husband handled a lot of the night stuff with our first child because she didn't want to sleep at night.

I also suffered from post partum depression with the first child and once I realized this and got help and started Prozac it really helped my sleeping and lack of sleeping. I have no idea if depression is a possibility for you, but you might want to talk with the doctor.

I will also add it does get better over time. But don't feel bad, I completely understand how you feel.

Another thing which never helped me is my Mother has always talked about how I slept through the night from day one and never changed. I mistakenly assumed I would have the same child. Needless to say the universe paid me back in spades!!

We were really fortunate with our 2nd child and she is a breeze when it comes to sleeping. And I will have to say I'm really happy it worked out the way it did -- I could never have handled it if #1 had been easy and #2 had been difficult.

[Anonymous]

We manage with my three under threes through rountine and structure. Bedtime is 6.30 after dinner, bath, books and cuddles - even for Mr 4 months. No dramas. Everyone has naps during the day and for Ms nearly-3 who is a daytime insomniac has to have quiet time in her room. My babies have all been transitioned onto some rice cereal at 4 months to give them more substance in their tummies. The kids know exactly what happens when and they love it. Meanwhile my husband and I get our evenings and we only get woken at night when a baby is sick or upset (not often) in which case I whisk them into bed with me to hold them close. There are endless posts on this site on CIO versus not or routine versus none but I do believe that YOU need to define the rules. And stick to them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to everyone for your replies. I really liked the suggestion of alternating nights instead of wakings. I think this may work at least temporarily. We are also going to strongly consider sleep training in the near future. I have largely rejected the notion of sleep training thinking that he was simply too young, but we may have to move in that direction if things keep getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, to be blunt, I don't know how we do it, we just do.

Amen to that.

[Anonymous]

I am one of those mothers PPs say is lying when I say I'm not sleep-deprived; but I am not. Yes I walked in your shoes until DD was about 3.5 months ... then I had enough and went to sleep training. Ever since then she sleeps 10-12 hours a night. Straight through. A PP poster stated a lot of the things our pedia told us to do -- no naps within 3 hours of bedtime; no snacking, DD eats when she has a meal and that's it; if DD starts crying in her sleep (it is normal for babies to wake 5x a night) let her soothe herself back to sleep, give it 30 minutes; etc etc. Read the books and discuss it with your pedia. It works.

[Anonymous]

OP stop the exercise for now.