We don’t go on dates anymore
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Anonymous
| We don’t go on dates anymore because I got tired of asking DH to take me on a date. I got tired of being the one to find and arrange for the babysitter. I got tired of hearing him shoot down any movie I suggested. I got tired of choosing the restaurant. He clearly does not want to spend time with me. The only reason we are taking a family vacation is because I took care of everything. He would be content to waste away in front of ESPN. He is a good father, a good housemate and doesn’t mistreat me but I cannot stand the indifference. He is non confrontational so he’d probably be content to live as roommates forever. I’m not sure how much longer I can hang on. He doesn’t think there’s a problem. He refuses to talk. He is so oblivious that he’d be totally blindsided if I walked away, despite my repeated attempts to talk. Who knows. Maybe he does want me to leave. Maybe this is him pushing me to make the first move. I don’t want my kids to have a broken home. |
Anonymous
| Take a break from talking, date nights, him in general. Give him lots of space. Yes it’s hard to feel ignored, but either way you’ll have to build your own happiness. Try practicing daily gratitude. Also try and watch ESPN with him more often- maybe you’ll realize he’s got a lot to say about his favorite team and you can get into what he’s into. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry, OP. Going through something similar. Please take care of yourself. |
Anonymous
| Ask him if you can have an open marriage. Leave him at home to take care of the kids while you find someone to go to dinner with and screw your brains out. |
Anonymous
| This is sort of the inverse of men who complain that they have to constantly initiate and be rejected by an indifferent wife. I guess it cuts both ways. |
Anonymous
| Have you ever bothered to ask him what his idea of a fun date would be? Maybe he is tired of you dictating the dates so he's just given up on them entirely. Men don't typically think dinner and a movie is a great time. Especially if that's what you do every time. Why don't you suggest going to a sporting event instead? |
Anonymous
This! My DH and I almost never do dinner or movies. I can’t remember the last time we went to the movies. But we go to hockey and football games, hiking and fishing in the summer, or just grilling out with a few beers in our own backyard. Honestly, if I want a fancy dinner, I goneith a girlfriend or two and that’s fine. It’s not his cup of tea and I don’t expect him to pretend to enjoy it. |
Anonymous
| We enjoy doing things as a family and have not felt the need to get away from the kids at home to go on a date. In regards to not taking the initiative generally, I think that is basically the kind of guy he is. He's wired that way. I don't you can change much with that aspect of his behavior. Seems a frivolous matter to get a divorce over. |
Anonymous
| Sorry, OP. I know what it’s like to feel ignored by your spouse. I hope it gets better for you. |
Anonymous
Seriously. Tell him you want to do something new. Surely he will have suggestions. And it’s not unusual to become delegated cruise director in your marriage; I plan all of our vacations (obviously with a consensus on destination and budget) and lots of our outings too. We like hiking and putzing around small towns afterwards, eating something good and having drinks. Anything we do together is fun (including sitting around doing nothing), so if your DH is simply blah I’m sorry to hear it but you’ve gotta tell him what you want and try it when he makes the plans. Give him some time to work on it but if he’s boring you to death and you don’t have other outlets you’ll have to create them |
grace4ever
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I’m sorry for you are experiencing this situation. Even in the toughest parts of your marriage, there’s always hope. Counseling can be helpful to work through things like this. You and your husband are valuable and worth fighting for. Please let me tell you that there’s hope that maybe your husband can open up in your marriage. . I encourage you to be open to the forgiveness. I know that it can sound very difficult to hear but forgiveness has a great impact in our lives. Forgiveness does not mean that he is doing right, does mean that you appreciate more the relationship that you have with him. Forgiveness is like building bridges in the relationship but no walls of resentments. Have you ever thought about it? Also I encourage you to discern if you and your husband can improve the relationship and see if both can solve the problems and motivate each other to forgive and start again. Get help from an objective party who is a position to help you that is a good choice. Have you ever heard about the book: His needs and her needs by William Harley Jr.? It is an interesting book of a psychologist based on his experiences of counseling married couples. He discovered that the problem is not in the communication but in learning how to love your spouse. This book was a great tool for me when the things didn’t go well in the relationship with my husband however it helped us very much. .  I hope this can help. I do not know if you whether believe in God but I will keep you in my prayers my friend. Keep us posted, Ok?
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Anonymous
| Is he an Aquarius? Sounds like my DH. |
Anonymous
NP, who is doing the planning though? I’m in a similar situation as the OP, but would like for my DH to plan our monthly dates. I have to do it all as well, but do incorporate what he likes to do. |
Anonymous
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I usually do the initiating, and when we had smaller kids I'd get the babysitter, etc. but DH would usually make the reservations to dinner, etc.
But if he didn't? it isn't like we wouldn't go out. I'd just end up going to the places I like all the time. I certain prefer if he plans/drives/etc. But we all have strengths. When your DH DOES make plans, takes the initiative, are you appropriately grateful? By that I mean, if you don't pick the place and make the plans, you don't get to complain. It is easy to complain about everything, but that's got to stop. It is a fun-killer. |
Anonymous
YES! Cheating will totally resolve her problems! |