K - 8 School Parents: Leaving before 8th grade?

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[Post New]09/05/2009 20:34
Anonymous
We left early with one child. The school was gracious, and I attribute it to having had a very good relationship the whole way through, and also being honest explaining the decision (without insulting the current school). Chances are if you are leaving it may be to a very different kind of school, one in which you think your child will do better. So that in and of itself is an explanation to offer. Or if you're looking to jump prior to HS as a strategic move, you can say "look, I'm nervous, and feel I owe it to apply and look." That way, you're just looking, and w/o a decision to leave. In fact, you have to tell the school at the application phase, w/ no guarantee you'll get in, so you do not want to burn any bridges (in case you end up not leaving). So that "I feel I must look ... for whatever reason ... is a good way to go --certainly enough truth in it to serve, w/ooffering insults.
[Post New]09/05/2009 20:35
Anonymous
I am surprised schools from which kids leave early don't do regular interviews with families to learn why they are leaving. I don't think they do. They could probably learn a lot.
[Post New]09/05/2009 20:39
Anonymous
I believe schools to which you're applying routinely will ask the school you're departing how supportive the parents are. (This certainly happens w/ admission from K-8 to 9th, and I assume it happens, if informally, in lower years as well.) This can mean: did they give money; were they pains in the neck; how much did the mom or dad volunteer. If you're applying now, too late to do much of this. However, avoiding being seen as a pain in the neck, including not being insulting to admin of the old school, is probably very wise.
[Post New]09/06/2009 06:10
Anonymous
Having gone through the process of leaving early, the new schools understand that you may not have the complete support of your new school during the application process. They take this into consideration.

Unclear what our school did to advocate our child to others but then if you depend upon your school to do the work for this important decision, you are giving up power and potentially good results. Always be in charge. Staying at a school simply because you are concerned that your school won't help you get in elsewhere is not a positive move on any parent's part.

In our case, we did know that my child's teachers wrote outstanding reviews.
[Post New]09/06/2009 06:19
Anonymous
You would be surprised at how close all the schools' administration are with each other. And yes, they do talk about parents and share information.

A friend also stated that the reason some schools don't ask why you are leaving is because they really know there are issues with their school that have not yet been resolved. A pity really that they don't ask - we've known far too many people who had great feelings about their school but ended up feeling that the school only really liked their money. They left bitter. Not good when you want former families speaking of your school well.

We also had friends with 2 children at our school. First child left after 4 years. Attempt to move second child and they spent 3 years applying every year with success finally. Mom told me the school was cool with it and they did not treat her any differently. She also mentioned that you always keep it positive and not critical.
[Post New]09/06/2009 07:24
Anonymous
We left early a couple years ago. What was weird is that the school didn't ask us why we were leaving but their first question was "If you don't get in anywhere, would you stay here?"

It took me by surprise and in my attempt to keep it all positive, I said "yes." I realized afterwards that I probably made a mistake because now I gave them an excuse to possibly weaken our apps elsewhere.

I would suggest that anyone looking to maximize their chances of moving elsewhere tell their current school that they don't know/hadn't decided/etc. about leaving.

All in all, I think the school indirectly benefits from your child's move to another private school before graduation. I think records and placement stats are kept.
[Post New]09/07/2009 02:37
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What was weird is that the school didn't ask us why we were leaving but their first question was "If you don't get in anywhere, would you stay here?"


I would interpret that question as innocent. The school may have just wanted to know whether to hold a place for your child in the next class. Our old school kept asking us until we had an answer for them, because they had a lot of applicants to take my child's spot, and wanted to know how far down the list they should go.
[Post New]09/07/2009 06:04
Anonymous
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What was weird is that the school didn't ask us why we were leaving but their first question was "If you don't get in anywhere, would you stay here?"[/quote]

I would interpret that question as innocent. The school may have just wanted to know whether to hold a place for your child in the next class. Our old school kept asking us until we had an answer for them, because they had a lot of applicants to take my child's spot, and wanted to know how far down the list they should go.
[/quote]

This was asked in November, 3 months before contracts were to go out so it was too soon for them to be calculating spaces. Besides, the class size was never completely filled through the years and it was MS so the chances that many would be applying for just a year or two would be slim.

I would have thought that having been at the school for years, and having a positive reputation with all, that their first reaction would have been more along the lines of disbelief and immediate questions of "why?" and "tell me what's going on." The impression I got was that they were only concerned about whether they were going to lose the tuition.
[Post New]09/14/2009 17:35
jhuber
Member Offline
This has been a most informative and civil discussion, and I want to thank all the previous posters for their thoughts. As a head of an EC-8 school, I believe passionately in the structure and its benefits for both younger and older students, so it's sad to see students departing before the "payoff" of the middle school years. Exit interviews that I and others have held cover some of the reasons given by our posters, but in a format like this, it's a little easier to be more straightforward, yes? Again, much appreciated.

John
[Post New]09/14/2009 19:49
Anonymous
John,
Thanks for your thoughts. They are, as always, much appreciated. I was wondering if you would have any thoughts and/or advice about how to tell a K-8 coed school that you are leaving early b/c you would like to switch to a single-sex school for your child? In truth if our current school were single sex we would stay, but we really, really want the single-sex experience and that is what is driving the move.
[Post New]09/15/2009 05:28
Anonymous
John,

Would love to hear your comments re the K-8 school and the efforts and energy put into developing and maintaining the LS and MS. We loved our LS - had really great experiences. Then, got to MS which felt like an entirely different world - and also felt like it was an afterthought. We saw so much energy and attention being put into the LS with hardly anything being done in the MS. Everything about it was completely different and parents have been very unhappy for years re the curriculum and many of the teachers. Thanks!
[Post New]09/22/2009 08:47
jhuber
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:John,
Thanks for your thoughts. They are, as always, much appreciated. I was wondering if you would have any thoughts and/or advice about how to tell a K-8 coed school that you are leaving early b/c you would like to switch to a single-sex school for your child? In truth if our current school were single sex we would stay, but we really, really want the single-sex experience and that is what is driving the move.


Every case being different, it's difficult to suggest an appropriate "approach" (never mind that the head of your child's current school probably doesn't want you to leave, and wouldn't appreciate another head's advice on making it easier!). Having said that, when a family comes to me early in the process, explains clearly why they're looking for a different school, and the new school has a clear difference in mission (coed vs. single sex, day vs. boarding), I think the honest approach is best. Former students of my school have left ahead of 8th grade graduation for single sex schools, sometimes boarding - and given that that's not what my school does, I respect the parent's thoughtful consideration of other schools' missions. Early notice makes it easier all around, I believe.

This actually falls under the NAIS Principles of Good Practice - under guideline #8 of principles of good practice for admission, "the school recognizes the right of currently enrolled students and families to consider other educational options, and if a transfer is initiated by the family, the school provides appropriate support and documentation in a timely manner, including reminding the family of any policies related to the contractual obligations to the current school."

John
[Post New]09/22/2009 09:02
jhuber
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:John,

Would love to hear your comments re the K-8 school and the efforts and energy put into developing and maintaining the LS and MS. We loved our LS - had really great experiences. Then, got to MS which felt like an entirely different world - and also felt like it was an afterthought. We saw so much energy and attention being put into the LS with hardly anything being done in the MS. Everything about it was completely different and parents have been very unhappy for years re the curriculum and many of the teachers. Thanks!


Hm, tougher question. Obviously, I can't speak for your child's current (former?) school, but one thing I have observed, both as a parent and an educator, is that middle school can be harder because middle schoolers themselves are harder. The school-loving, happy young student in 3rd grade becomes the hulking, food-devouring, surly tween in 6th grade. And I believe more often than not, what parents get to see of the school is so filtered by this lens that it's natural to assume that something is wrong in middle school. In addition, as middle schoolers gain greater ability to master sarcasm, this becomes the voice of the day's experience. Again, I can't comment about whether this is the case at your school, but I believe this is a relevant part of the typical tension. MS is a different world! And just at the same time that middle schoolers need a small, nurturing environment for support, to allow them to maintain some elements of youth, is when they are yearning to have more and different peers to interact with.

I've had the pleasure of witnessing this Jekyll & Hyde transformation myself. For example, I'll happen to spy one of my own children at an assembly, having the best time, but at the dinner table that evening, the same wonderful assembly is described as stupid and little-kid.

John
[Post New]09/22/2009 09:45
Anonymous
John:

I'm the poster who asked the question about switching to single sex schools. I just wanted to thank you for your thoughts. They were most helpful and you continue to have such valuable insights to offer. Best wishes!
[Post New]09/23/2009 05:46
Anonymous
John - I'm the other poster you answered about the differences between LS and MS. I appreciate your shared thoughts. We did consider that particular stage students go through, but it wasn't really that. It was about a lack of challenge and my child's need for more of everything. Even my spouse and I saw the very different energy levels between the two school sections and couldn't believe that one school could have such very different parts in terms of energy, teachers, curriculum, etc.

Thank you again for taking the time to answer our questions. Very appreciated!
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