How to tell them we don't want to vacation together
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Anonymous
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Another vote for being direct. You don't have to be hurtful, just tell a limited version of the truth. And it's fine to say "sorry" - you can be sorry that you're saying no, sorry that you're HAVING to be so explicit, sorry for whatever reason - they don't need to know and it sounds nice. I'd use something like
"Actually we make a point of family only vacations pretty regularly. We're using going in a bunch of different directions so we try to protect at least the vacations." Then immediately change the subject to something that invites discussion "Did you hear the principal is retiring/Janie broke her arm on the playground/Susie beat cancer...." |
Anonymous
| "That's not really our thing. We like to do vacations just with the family." Maybe you can offer to give them a review of the city/hotel/whatever after you get back. |
Anonymous
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My kid had a friend with parents like this when he was younger. When it was vacation time, his parents would say something like, "Jake, why don't you ask if you can go on vacation with Luke & his family?" Who tells their kid to ask to be invited on someone else's vacation?!
This happened 3 years in a row! I'd decline, the kid would look hurt, I'd tell him I'd make sure my son bought him a souvenir back, he'd cheer up a bit, and then his parent would say, "ah, maybe next year!" After the kid asked the first time, I told him mom in private that I was sorry, but our family vacation was for family only. I hope she understood, but we still loved having Jake come over for play dates and activities. She was totally fine with it and said she'd call after we returned to set something up for the kids. It was weird because it was always very 50/50 when it came to activities. If we invited her son to a movie, the next week she'd invite my son to the trampoline place. |
Anonymous
I like this. It is both direct and true.
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Anonymous
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I find it really weird when people do this. We had a family we had barely met try and invite themselves to our trip to see family in Europe.
We aren't fans of vacationing with friends, these people were barely known to us and were inviting themselves to visit our extended family. I did say to their face "Well you know we make this trip each year, its really about family duty - we don't tour the country or do anything interesting, its so the kids can see their grandparents and we then come home". But there was still a glint in this woman's eye, like she felt there was hope for them. So Fxxking weird. |
Anonymous
This. WTF? It's a vacation that you've planned and they're inviting their whole family along? |
Anonymous
PP here: Wow, that was a weirdly disproportionate response. The point of my post is that these people are trying to use you because (1.) they've most likely seen your social media posts and (2.) if you're going some place cool FOR free (like a family home), they will try to tag along. |
Anonymous
| So strange. I have a feeling that most people that vacation exclusively with others don't like their spouse/family that much. |
Anonymous
Agreed, what a strange response. My first thought, also, was that people who were inviting themselves must somehow be thinking the other family will pay for them. |
Anonymous
| Users are generally useless and even worse, extremely draining. Don't do it, or there WILL be more requests- no, demands. |
Anonymous
| I've heard of being pushy, but the idea that someone thinks they are coming on your vacation is ridiculous. How trailer trash does someone have to be to make such an assumption? |
jjconcern
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| You've already gotten some good ideas as how to say no politely to the idea of spending vacations together and still show kindness and respect. It struck me as quite sad that they aren't able to come up with their own plans or friends who are more receptive to them. Are they new to the area? |
Anonymous
| Op, speaking ill of them because you are gutless - and obviously don't make your intentions clear - is a bad reflection on you. |
Anonymous
| This is so strange, I can't even fathom an aquintance asking me or anyone I know anything like this. I may just have a good RBF though, so maybe that is why no one has ever tried it. |
Anonymous
This. Maybe they think you are better friends than you are because you are being a phony in your interactions with them. |