Bride to be received "White Trash Cook Book" at shower from MIL. A gag or a shot across the bow?
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Anonymous
| Without knowing anything about the people involved, I would assume it was the MIL making a joke about her own family. Maybe it was the kind of food that the future husband grew up on. Who knows. |
Anonymous
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It's a gag gift. The only way to be that offended by it would be to be way to uptight in general.
People who are white trash and comfortable with it, don't care if you call them white trash. People who are not white trash and know it, don't care. People who are white trash but want to pretend they're not, get offended. You say she was very offended huh? |
Anonymous
| It's actually a fantastic cook book. If the bride is "devastated" she probably doesn't know anything about cooking. |
Anonymous
| I thought I was sensitive but I'd just look at the recipes to find some that I liked or that gave me ideas for things I liked. I'd also ask future DH to look through to find things he likes in it. What's with these huge egos? Great ideas can come from anywhere/anyone. |
Anonymous
| If the MIL's family is from the south then its simply a funny welcome to the family joke. OP shouldn't take it seriously. She will have plenty lf other reasons to hate her MIL over the years. |
Anonymous
Oh, you are good. |
Anonymous
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Serious question - which side of the family could be construed as white trash? And how is MILs demeanor generally? Let's say MIL is like Paula Deen - she'd think it was funny and she'd be over herself and not mean a thing by it. If MIL is uptight stick in the mud she'd never buy the book at all. If I'm neither and thought it was a good cookbook, I'd preface the gift and the card with "don't pay attention to the title - this has Larlo's favorite recipe for meat loaf""
Not having much to go on, I'm tending toward DIL is insecure and looking to be insulted. Going to be a long marriage that way. |
Anonymous
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This was a joke. You are probably marrying a Southern guy and it was a self-deprecating way to welcome you to the culture. There are actually some good short cut recipes in that book. Ask her to sign and dedicate it with a reference to her favorite recipe.
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Anonymous
This is not true. My husband's family is white trash and very sensitive about it, knowing they were categorized this way growing up. He got an education, worked on his speech patterns and escaped, but nobody likes to be considered "white trash," especially if your dad was a drunk, you didn't have enough to eat and there was a lot of junk in the yard. The cookbook is probably from a southern MIL and was intended as a joke. No one who considers you WT would give this as they assume you already know all the tricks with cream of mushroom soup and cool whip. |
Anonymous
| Impossible to say unless we know the socioeconomic background of MIL and DIL. I grew up poor in the south and married a wealthy man from New England. If I had received this book I would have been devastated, too. Passive aggressive way to humiliate. |
Anonymous
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Unless MIL knew that it would be well received it was a shot across the bow. If you are going to give a gag gift that has some sort of inside joke feel in a setting with people that are not part of it, you have to be prepared to explain/share it and the person who it's about still has to think it would be funny when shared with other people. It's like if the best man toast had some crazy stuff like "yeah, he slept with 100 women and when he met you and you slept with him on the first date ...and we said to dump you ....but now we think he could be happy". It would be sharing something that didn't need to be shared with everyone in the room in order to get some laughs/make them the butt of jokes. At a minimum, that would be something to run by the groom. If it's really a great cookbook, the MIL could have made that "joke" in a private setting.
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Anonymous
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My MIL gives us stuff like this. We don't really have a good relationship. One Christmas, she got us a ceramic bunt pan that had tire marks all over it and was stamped "Road Kill".
Haha? I've actually used it for casseroles- it makes a decent dish for that. MIL likes to shop at craft fairs, and I think she thought it was funny. |
Anonymous
It was funny. at least you were nice to your MIL about it, not "devastated." |
Guerita32
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Do you think she meant it to be spiteful? My MIL gives me little scrubby dish pads for Christmas every year even though I don't really wash dishes by hand. I have never really thought she was sending me a message. I wonder if the bride is reading too much into it?
It sounds like there might be some good recipes in there. Maybe open it up and see. Judging by the name and the amazon reviews none of them seem too complicated which is perfect for a soon-to-be bride planning a wedding. I mean the obvious thing to do is go to every family gathering with dishes strictly made from this book. And if you think she was being spiteful then make maybe the worst sounding dishes. 
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Anonymous
This is the only way the gift would make sense, in any world, really. If son was WASPY and marrying a French woman, would MIL give a French cook book? No, that would be weird, right? She would likely give a cookbook of "Traditional American Favorites" or something. I would assume that MIL is from the South and thought there are good recipes in there. And it doesn't bode well that DIL is already this sensitive. If, on the other hand, MIL is French, and the DIL is from the South, I would assume that MIL has early onset Alzheimer's or some other serious problem in understanding and applying social norms. |