Anonymous wrote:I am interested in this as well. Did you ever get to a point where you could actually acknowledge your abusiveness--WITHOUT a 10 minute wind up on how others did things to set you off?

For those still doing this, once you've calmed down how do you feel about how you treat your kids? I can't comprehend what is going on in your mind when you are absolutely melting down.

Anonymous wrote:I was with a woman like this, and I left (took me a long time though).

I don't know if she changed, or just was more successful at trapping the next guy. I hope she changed, but I doubt it, because I don't think she could ever admit to herself that she was abusive.

And that's the answer to the question: abusers are often not really aware they are the villain; they often see themselves as and act out of a sense of being the victim.

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with a woman like this, and I left (took me a long time though).

I don't know if she changed, or just was more successful at trapping the next guy. I hope she changed, but I doubt it, because I don't think she could ever admit to herself that she was abusive.

And that's the answer to the question: abusers are often not really aware they are the villain; they often see themselves as and act out of a sense of being the victim.

I disagree...

FEMALE abusers don't think of themselves as abusers - because society tells them they can't be abusers - because men are MEN and what women could ever HURT a man - as if that is the basis of abuse.

Men however, EVERYTHING they do is abuse because they are bigger, because they are men...

So, the burden of abuse is really a sexist issue - with women not being capable of abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with a woman like this, and I left (took me a long time though).

I don't know if she changed, or just was more successful at trapping the next guy. I hope she changed, but I doubt it, because I don't think she could ever admit to herself that she was abusive.

And that's the answer to the question: abusers are often not really aware they are the villain; they often see themselves as and act out of a sense of being the victim.

I disagree...

FEMALE abusers don't think of themselves as abusers - because society tells them they can't be abusers - because men are MEN and what women could ever HURT a man - as if that is the basis of abuse.

Men however, EVERYTHING they do is abuse because they are bigger, because they are men...

So, the burden of abuse is really a sexist issue - with women not being capable of abuse.

That's some seriously tortured MRA claptrap right there. The topic of female abusers falls under the category of "duly noted." It does not merit equal time with the broader discussion about domestic abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with a woman like this, and I left (took me a long time though).

I don't know if she changed, or just was more successful at trapping the next guy. I hope she changed, but I doubt it, because I don't think she could ever admit to herself that she was abusive.

And that's the answer to the question: abusers are often not really aware they are the villain; they often see themselves as and act out of a sense of being the victim.

I disagree...

FEMALE abusers don't think of themselves as abusers - because society tells them they can't be abusers - because men are MEN and what women could ever HURT a man - as if that is the basis of abuse.

Men however, EVERYTHING they do is abuse because they are bigger, because they are men...

So, the burden of abuse is really a sexist issue - with women not being capable of abuse.

That's some seriously tortured MRA claptrap right there. The topic of female abusers falls under the category of "duly noted." It does not merit equal time with the broader discussion about domestic abuse.

Anonymous wrote:And that is a very narrow definition of abuse. It doesn't have to be just violence. Typically, more men tend to have narcissistic personality disorder, and more women tend to have borderline personality disorder. But verbal and emotional abuse, as defined by Lundy Bancroft, Patricia Evans and others, as well as physical abuse, statistically is more often perpetrated by men than it is by women. That doesn't mean the incidence of women perpetrators is zero. It also doesn't mean that women with BPD do not do some seriously manipulative and controlling crap. They do. But, as the PP said, duly noted that some perpetrators are female. Females are not the majority, however.

Anonymous wrote:

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was with a woman like this, and I left (took me a long time though).

I don't know if she changed, or just was more successful at trapping the next guy. I hope she changed, but I doubt it, because I don't think she could ever admit to herself that she was abusive.

And that's the answer to the question: abusers are often not really aware they are the villain; they often see themselves as and act out of a sense of being the victim.

I disagree...

FEMALE abusers don't think of themselves as abusers - because society tells them they can't be abusers - because men are MEN and what women could ever HURT a man - as if that is the basis of abuse.

Men however, EVERYTHING they do is abuse because they are bigger, because they are men...

So, the burden of abuse is really a sexist issue - with women not being capable of abuse.

That's some seriously tortured MRA claptrap right there. The topic of female abusers falls under the category of "duly noted." It does not merit equal time with the broader discussion about domestic abuse.