Anonymous wrote:The family court system is so broken. I know someone who had documented abuse--- ER and doctor visits for injuries to the child. The child told his therapist he's scared of his dad and dad is mean and hits him and she still couldn't get full custody. This is why some women have to go underground to protect their children.

Anonymous wrote:You really need to talk to an attorney.

That said, I was told by my attorney that a despite a diagnosis of bipolar plus admitted drinking problem and highly repetitive infidelity, my now exDH would get 50/50 custody if he pursued it thru the courts. Absent evidence of serious physical or sexual abuse, I would not expect to get full custody. But, the lawyer can tell you the odds based on your specific factual situation and how to document to maximize your chances.

I gambled. I stayed together until my youngest. was 18 months old. I spent that time trying to get him to get into AA and see a therapist and psychiatrist. That didn't really work.

I also spent time gathering hard evidence of his problems. When I finally was ready, I told him at a joint counseling appointment that I was asking him to leave the house in 2 days. I informed him, in front of the counselor, about all the details (infidelity, drinking, pill-stealing, etc.) and evidence I had. He was pretty stunned and the counselor encouraged him to see that I was serious, and his best option was to move out as requested.

I think what I learned in this situation is that I could not depend on the courts to protect me and my kids physically or financially or do what was in the kids best interest. I accomplished full custody by manipulating the interpersonal aspects of the situation between my ex and I so that he would see it as in his interests to just let the kids live with me and see them frequently. (Much easier for him.)

As the kids grew, I made daily decisions about what situations were safe for them with him, manipulated the situation as much as I could without direct confrontation, and educated the kids about how to take care of themselves. They grew up faster than other kids in terms of having to watch out for themselves.

10 years later, I still have full custody of the kids. They have thrived. They have a decent relationship with him. It has been very tough on me financially and interpersonally, but in the long run, I consider it an investment in my kids that will enable them to be independent sooner (rather than messed up and needing my help long term).

So, moral of the story, can you get what you want without going thru the courts? Yes, it can be a bit risky, but consider your situation and what the odds are.

Anonymous wrote:I know this is about MD courts but are VA courts better around this issue? I meet with an attorney this week but am curious to know anyone who has dealt with interstate custody where child is in VA with one parent and the other parent is in MD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is about MD courts but are VA courts better around this issue? I meet with an attorney this week but am curious to know anyone who has dealt with interstate custody where child is in VA with one parent and the other parent is in MD.

In VA it depends upon the county and the judge. I know a number of single dads in VA with sole custody. Also know that in VA child support for sole custody is much less than in MD.

Where was the marital home?

A lawyer told me that in MD part of the reason for shared being likely is that the MD Constitution has an equal rights amendment. The other reason is that MD tends to be more "progressive" and most modern research shows children benefit from shared custody as long as neither parent is an abuser or addict.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family court system is so broken. I know someone who had documented abuse--- ER and doctor visits for injuries to the child. The child told his therapist he's scared of his dad and dad is mean and hits him and she still couldn't get full custody. This is why some women have to go underground to protect their children.

Similar, but sexual abuse by the father. He still got partial custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family court system is so broken. I know someone who had documented abuse--- ER and doctor visits for injuries to the child. The child told his therapist he's scared of his dad and dad is mean and hits him and she still couldn't get full custody. This is why some women have to go underground to protect their children.

Similar, but sexual abuse by the father. He still got partial custody.

Anonymous wrote:The family court system is so broken. I know someone who had documented abuse--- ER and doctor visits for injuries to the child. The child told his therapist he's scared of his dad and dad is mean and hits him and she still couldn't get full custody. This is why some women have to go underground to protect their children.