Recovering from sexual rejection
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Anonymous
| Has anyone's marriage recovered from extended periods of sexual rejection? My spouse and I barely had sex for 2 years. We have sex more now, still not as much as we should though. I don't know how to fully recover from this. We are bothhurt by it. For instance sometimes I am sad during sex thinking about how horrible it was to go months without any sex in the past. Anyone have stories of how they overcame this issue? |
Anonymous
| Seriously you just have to reconnect in other ways too. I am guessing not just sex but all intimacy dropped off. So it must come back bit by bit -- walks, holding hands, nonsexual massage, fun stuff together. Build up intimacy and sex should follow |
Anonymous
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Agree w pp . i went thru therapy over a sexual rejection but the only way it got way better was compassion and no sexual activities and lots of hugs, holding hands, good laughs a few drinks... porn, toys... sexy lingeries..etc
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Anonymous
| Gender? Who is rejecting who? |
Anonymous
Why does that matter? |
Anonymous
Girls are allowed to reject boys. Boys are not allowed to reject girls. Duh. |
TwistdMike
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Sure OP is a woman. What man is going to psychoanalyze his relationship while he's deep in the throes.
Baseball or quantum physics to prolong, maybe? 
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Anonymous
Funny! |
Anonymous
Yeah...I left and found a willing and attractive partner. Are sex drives are more on pace and honestly it makes everything better. |
Anonymous
| Like any other abuse, it takes time and possibly therapy. |
Anonymous
| You should be honest about your feelings. You're probably still in self-preservation mode and too scarred to become vulnerable again and go through the same rejection down the line. A good partner would want to know this. |
Anonymous
| I overcame my sexual assault by lots and lots of therapy, and antidepressants. It took years to be comfortable in sexual situations again, but it's possible. Hugs, OP! |
Anonymous
Please listen to this very mature and realistic post--and ignore all the posts you'll get that are either mean or rip on women or tell you to ditch your spouse. Work on the marriage as a whole, because you married a whole person, not just a sex partner. Please get some couples therapy so both of you can figure out why you drifted apart before (emotionally, not just physically) and how to prevent it from recurring. The fact that during sex now you are unable to let go of thoughts about past rejection really seems to indicate that you could use some therapy for a time, to give you tools for changing your thinking. Don't blow up your marriage over this if you can both get some help for it. Think about the person you married and your shared experiences and interests and why your spouse's personality attracted you in the first place. Then remember that sex is part of the whole marriage, not the sole reason you got married (right?). Talk with your spouse, do things PP suggests to build intimacy, and consider couples therapy . |
Anonymous
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In my case it never did. I learned to "self-soothe" but there is no replacement for a connection that was literally intended to create life and connection among two people that can't be reached physically any other way. I ultimately made a decision to accept the loss, learn to be happy despite, and enjoy the moments it did happen. Took lots of prayer.
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Anonymous
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