Recovering from sexual rejection

[Anonymous]

I went more than two years with no sex at all, and a couple years of infrequent lackluster sex before that, and we ended up in couples therapy. It helped us a lot.

One thing I learned is that a sexual dynamic is co-created so you have to really look at your own role, even if you perceive yourself as the "rejected" partner.
For example, why now are you so focused on the past to the extent that you are sad during the sex you are actually having in the present?
Why are you having sex at all if you feel "sad"? I am sorry, but if you feel "sad" during sex, you should stop what you are doing and try to emotionally reconnect with your spouse.

In my own case, I had to come to terms with the fact that what I perceived as my husband "distancing" himself was partly a result of me pushing him away, although I did not realize what I was doing.

You have to take some hard looks at yourself and couples and individual therapy is a good way to do it.

This is an opportunity for you to grow as a person and to grow within your marriage. Take the opportunity! Take the initiative and find a couples therapist and tell your spouse you want to go! Intimacy is about way more than just having sex. You only have *one* life, do you want to spend it having sad sex and not being intimate with your spouse?

Think of all the other crap you spend time on and ask yourself why not devote an hour a week to exploring and strengthening the most important relationship in your life?
My spouse and I have good, connected sex now, better than any we had before couples therapy, and I can't recommend it enough (provided you find a good therapist, we had to try two before finding one that we both liked).