Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Fate of Frozen Embryos
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DH and I had our children through IVF and are now faced with the question of what to do with the frozen embryos that we did not use in our treatment. The options seem to be (1) using them ourselves, (2) donating them for someone to adopt, (3) donating them to research, and (4) "discarding" them, which isn't really an option we'd consider.
Has anyone had experience with any of these options that they'd like to share? I am feeling a sense of responsibility for these embryos that I hadn't expected. I have started to think of the embryos as babies and donating them to science doesn't feel right anymore. All of which is fine. But now I find myself wondering if we should try to have the babies ourselves, which wasn't at all our plan (I know, man plans, God laughs). It's more likely that we'll donate the embryos for adoption, but I'm surprised I'm even having the instinct to have them ourselves. If we do donate them for adoption, that opens another set of questions. Do we want to know whether a child is actually born from the embryos? What information would we want to know about the child (gender, birth month, etc.) so that we're not looking around later in life always wondering if Joey down the block was our embryo? Do we want the adoptive parents to be able to contact us and under what circumstances (if the child has a genetic issue where we might be helpful, if the child needs help from a blood relative (a transplant, transfusion, etc.) )? Do we want the child to be able to contact us? I'm sure there are many more questions I haven't yet thought of. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts to share? |
Anonymous
| wow, what an intense question. If it were me, I guess I would have to ask myself if I want more children in the future. In which case, is it possible to keep them "frozen" until you want to have your next one? If you decide that you don't want anymore children, I would prefer donating for adoption rather than discarding them, IMO, at least the embryos would have somewhat of a chance. This question requires some serious soul-searching, I'd be writing my thoughts down on each option, the pros/cons, feelings, everything so you can better evaluate what you and your hubby want in the long run. I'm interested in what others have to say. |
Anonymous
|
We're in the same position. We tried for 3+ years to get pregnant and finally had twins through an IVF cycle. We have 2 embryos frozen and we're commited
to putting them back. If we didn't have these embryos I'm not sure we'd attempt to have further children. However, now that we have them I don't feel like we can destroy them and the idea of having our biological children raised by other people is really hard to comprehend. I agree that it's a problem that we never thought we'd have. The frustration of infertility is that family planning is very much out of your control. |
Anonymous
|
If you want to have more children then keep them frozen (I assume there is a cost for this). Honestly, I would opt for donating them to research (stem cell and such). The uncertainity of whether my children were "born" to another would be too much to handle, plus I do not think it would be fair to ask the "odopting" parents to allow me to be a part of their lives, plus how do you know that the person who adopted them will use them.
This cannot be an easy decision for you. |
Anonymous
|
My husband and I were talking about this the other day. Not the EXACT situation, but I asked him if he cared if I was an egg donor. He was very much against it - he couldn't imagine having a little me running around and us not knowing about it. He said it would drive him crazy. I, however, feel completely different. I would love to donate my eggs to people who don't have any viable ones of their own - or having a hard time getting pregnant, etc. It's such a personal thing. I can't understand why he feels that way and vica versa.
I wish you the best. I hope you don't opt to destroy them (doesn't sound like you want to, either). But possibly giving another couple a chance to have a child would be rewarding. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Some very good friends of ours benefitted from receiving adopted embroys and successfully delivered babies through 2 separate pregnancies. I am not sure if they unsuccessfully implanted other embroys or not, and if so, how many. I am certain, however, that they are not in contact with the donor parents. That said, I don't know if it is by choice or by contract (what the facility may or may not require). I do know that they are VERY VERY grateful. I think it is a wonderful option. |
Anonymous
| Did not realise that couples "adopted" fertilized embroyos. Isn't it easier and more certain just to adopt a baby, either way there is not genetic link to the child. Is the idea of "gestating" the child that important to mothers? |
Anonymous
|
My DH and I were in this situation and we donated ours for adoption. We were open to all of the options except attempting to have more children of our own. The reason we chose adoption is because the idea of helping a couple become parents seemed like the most positive thing we could possibly do after having finally gotten to experience the joy of it ourselves. The idea that not only us, but another couple, might get to become a parent after all we went through makes it seem all the more worth the struggle.
As far as I understand, if you choose adoption, unless you arrange "private" adoption, you may have little say in what you find out about them. It is usually an anonymous process, except for the couple adopting the embyos obtaining any relevant health information. In our situation, we signed papers noting our understanding that we will not be informed whether or not a pregnancy is ever attempted with them, whether or not any such attempt was successful and whether or not any successful pregnancy was carried to term. In other words, we will know nothing -- even if they are used. We donted via our fertility clinic. If you want to follow the fate of the embryos, you'll probably need to handle a lot of the process yourself. Good luck deciding. |
Anonymous
| This is a very good topic you brought up that I'm sure is relevant to many people, and those going through IVF now should think about this. I don't have an answer for you as I am in a similar situation. We, too, have frozen embryos. We had a beautiful daughter who is now 14 months old, and we are in the process of deciding if and when we want to try for a 2nd child through a frozen embryo transfer. We have about 6 frozen embryos, and in the event that they all survive the freeze and it works on the first try, we'll be left with 4-5 embryos that we'll need to decide what to do with. Our initial thought, before having our daughter, was to donate to science. Now that we have our daughter, I look at those embryos as her brothers and sisters. I know I don't want to have 5 more children (not that they'll all be viable, but who knows?) so the question of what to do with them is very difficult. I guess all I'm saying is that I understand the decision you're faced with and it's not an easy or clear cut one at all.... |
Anonymous
| I believe it's a personal decision and for those of who went through fertility treatments - I'm sure each of our decisions will be influenced by many factors including the circumstances surrounding what led us having to use IVF to conceive children. We have 5 frozen embryos and it took 4 IVF PGD treatments to conceive our child. We turned to IVF because of a chromosome abnormality which causes among other things miscarriages and a higher percentage of Trisomy 13 babies. If we decide not to use our frozen embryos we will donate them to science because if someone hadn't done that before us - we don't believe they would have developed PGD, learned how to use it to help couples who have genetic issues, etc. We are very grateful to those who donated their embryos to help advance this science and want to help other couples to that the success rates are even higher in the future. Best of luck to you in your decision - definitely take your time making it so you and your DH are totally comfortable with whatever you decide. |
esd
Member Offline
Member Offline
| A question, we too will soon be faced with. We had 7 frozen excellent day 6 blasts left over after our first IVF and with our first FET, 2/2 took and I am about to have twins, in addition to a 3 year old. We now have 5 left and all are excellent according to our Dr. I don't think we can manage so many children so using them all is just not an option financially etc. I have not ruled it out but I just don't think that I am personally comfortable giving them up for adoption - I grapple with the question that if the couple succeed wih them, what if they don't treat the children as I would treat them myself. I don't know if I could stand it. Even though it would be a lovely thing to do. I remember being so delighted at the time with so many to freeze and now I am distressed about it. Myself and my husband have not discussed it yet since it is an emotive topic, especially while pregnant but soon we will have to really think about it. It is a really tough decision. |
Anonymous
| Great post! We're also in the same situation and it's so interesting to hear others' perspectives. We are currently pregnant with twins through IVF and have 3 strong day 6 blastocysts frozen as well. Our plan was always to donate any remaining embryos after the two we implanted to scientific or stem cell research, since we both believe this kind of research is so important and our (current, at least) government is making it so difficult. However, as things progressed we too are feeling less and less like giving them up. It's so funny how these little balls of cells become babies in your mind. After we found out that our twins are both girls, we started thinking about trying for a boy with the other embryos. And now we even sometimes talk about having all three of them! I don't think that in reality we could afford to have five children, but we are realizing that there is a world of difference between thinking theoretically about having another child and having other potential children already out there, waiting to be had. Our fertility clinic is close to our house, and when we drive by it we often even wave to our babies sitting in the freezer up there. Of course, even if we tried to have one or more of the frozen embryos, they might not survive the thaw or they might not take. But it's getting harder to think about not trying. For now we are going to see how we handle the two already on the way, and how we feel about having more kids after we've had these two for a while. I guess we're not yet to the decision point and I don't have any words of wisdom for you yet, OP, besides to follow what your heart and gut are telling you! |
Anonymous
|
We have a DS - 18 mon.) and I am now expecting twins girls via IVF. We too are in the same position and feeling much like the rest of the posters - it is a hard decision and while their are great options in theory - helping another couple start a family, help find cure for diseases, etc when you have to finally make the decision nothing is easy anymore. We, like others have strong feelings of attachment to our little blastocytes.
I was hoping the decision would be taken away from us trying for 3 children. But we are already there and have 3-4 left. Inbetween two pregnancies we did a FET and a full cycle transfer and neither worked for us. We got preganant on the second full cycle. I also had a miscarriage with a previous IVF so even if you have 5-6 frozen embryos you may need many to get pregnant and carry through to term again. Seriously thinking about #4 so I don't have to make this decision...I would love another baby in the future (actually always wanted 4) but not sure if I want to go through all the ramp up again. |
Anonymous
|
I second the recommendation on another thread for signing up for babystepsforum.com. It is a community of people who went through IF and is incredibly supportive (and non anonymous). You will get a lot of support there and will avoid the incredibly disturbing comment above of whether "gestating" your child is that important.
Good luck to you. I am in a similar boat and know how you feel. We have three frozen, and I think we will go back and try to use them all. I cannot bear the thought of giving them away for adoption for reasons PP said - fearing that the new parents will not treat them good and I have no control over that. and I cannot give them to scientific research as I see what a beautiful child our first embie now is. I think if God gave them to us, we have to use them. |
Anonymous
|
I was sent the link to this forum from a friend on Silent Grief. I am one of the people who would love to be able to adopt an embryo. My husband and I have been seriously considering this and finding out as much as we can about it. I am not able to get pregnant again and we very much want more children. We currently have a six year old son. From what we have learned through Bethany adoption agency and through CEDA it is just like an adoption with the exception that the birth parents are immediately put on the birth certificate. The donors can be as invested or uninvested as they want to be. they can actually ppick the parents that will receive their embryos.
I cannot tell you what decision you should make. That is between the couple and the God they believe in but please know that there are people out here, like my husband and myself, who are not only interested in loving your embryos but are longing to do so. I have a six year old little boy and an Angel baby who died at 28 weeks gestation due to a cord accident. We have not been able to get pregnant again and it breaks my heart. Only you can decide what you want to do but somewhere out there is a family that would always love you for giving to them something they cant do without you. Thanks for listening. Vikki |