Supportive in Action, Critical with words Parents and Storage of Stuff
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Anonymous
| Two issues are intertwined in my family at the moment. My parents only know how to speak in a super critical, ala honeymooners way to each other and me (an only child). Almost immediately after I set out on my own in my first apartment (tiny, and shared with roommates) within the year, my parents decided to retire and relocate. While much of my childhood possessions had been downsized, my college books/papers and sentimental stuff moved with them, as I literally had one closet to my name. Also-they moved into a larger, not smaller home. They are now a retired couple living in a 6,000 sqft McMansion, not including full basement. My boxes, there are about 10 medium sized boxes in all, were moved to the basement of this new home, about 8 years ago. During that time, I married, moved into a larger, but still very small NYC apartment and they made sarcastic, insulting remarks about when were we going to take those boxes, that they should just throw them out, etc...I can see their view, that they are under no obligation to provide storage for my things...but I feel they are acting extremely unkindly in light of my situation. Yes, it would be possible to put the belongings into paid storage. However, I feel like they should recognize how ridiculous that is, given the size of the space they live in vs the 900 sq ft space my family of three live in. We will soon be moving to a SFH, and we are looking forward to it. In a recent phone call, where I was happily discussing getting to the point of starting to think about how and where our current furniture will fit in our new house, they started making harsh remarks about when will we be getting a moving van to come "empty out" their basement. Part of what threw me, was how blind they could be to the part of how overwhelming this previous year has been for us. We are a military family, and have moved twice in the last 9 months with a small child and are finally getting ready to settle down in the DC area for a longer period of time. We had previous conversations about how once we get into this house, we plan to take the boxes, but we haven't even closed yet and they are calling and berating/moralizing the fact that they have held on to these boxes for so long. The tone is never one of looking forward to helping us move into our new house but of a "it's your problem now!" Despite threats to throw it all out over the years if we didn't get it by random dates, that were totally not useful...like, when I first went to them to visit for a week, with our 6 week old baby...by plane, they did not throw it out. (Which I am grateful for.) Arg. I don't know what I'm after. Advice? Support? Venting? Go for it. |
Anonymous
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OP, it sounds you have not even opened these boxes in many years.
YOU DO NOT NEED THEM -- THROW THEM AWAY! And you should not make your parents do it, either. It isn't fair to put that guilt on them. The size of their house versus yours is irrelevant. For whatever reason, this extra clutter is stressing them out. These are your things you clearly do not need. Seriously, you need to go over there and THROW THEM AWAY. |
Anonymous
| Rent a storage locker or get rid of your crap. It's been how long since you last needed it. Sorry OP no sympathy here. |
doodlebug
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Well, I am literally taking a break from going through some boxes of crap I've been moving around with me for the last 20 years. I can say definitively if you've been storing it, you don't need it and won't miss it. I just tossed a bunch of old pictures (and kept some too, and I'm sure they'll be tossed eventually.) I tossed old college papers and journals and letters...stuff that is either meaningless now or just embarrassing to look at. Really, it's OK. If they toss it, it will be OK. If you bring it to your new home and just store it, then you'll be burdening yourself every time you have to move or want to use the space they're taking up. My two cents is to either cull it down to 2 boxes before bringing it to your new place or give yourself a firm deadline to cull it once it's moved. It's really junk. I promise.
On that note...I'm sorry your family doesn't speak to you in a nurturing or supportive way. That stinks. But...they do love you as evidenced by being your storage unit for the last however many years. |
Anonymous
+1. My parents recently downsized from the 3600 sq ft home they'd lived in my entire life to a 2 bedroom apartment. All the decades of stuff accumulated by all of us needed to be sorted and each of us kids tackled getting rid of all of our old boxes of papers, etc. I also live in a small space and couldn't store it myself so I kept a single rubbermaid container of various important stuff and keepsakes and junked the rest. As PPs have said, if you haven't needed/touched/looked at this stuff in all this time, you DO NOT NEED IT! Free yourself and your parents and just get rid of it, keeping a few tokens for yourself and your kid(s) to look at down the road. |
Anonymous
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If this is how they speak to you, then surely you have developed some level of thick skin about it? Or talk back to them in this way?
In my family, I'd just push back: "um, yep, I know those boxes have been an albatross around your neck after all these years, so thank GOD I am finally able to remove it." "gee, thanks so much for all the support you've offered me over the years. If the worse I've done is store 8 boxes in your 6K sq foot house, we'r not doing too badly." Or, non sarcastically: "Geez mom can you give it a rest?" |
Anonymous
| Ten boxes? That you haven't looked at in ten years or more? That's bullshit. There's no way you actually need all this stuff. Seriously, when are you going to read your college papers or books again? Clean out the boxes, get down to two or three, MAX. If you're not willing to pay for storage for it, then you don't really need it. |
Anonymous
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I feel you, OP! When I had my first baby, my dad drove down and dumped a pickup truck load of boxes at my house. I understand it made sense to do that because he normally flies but was driving so it was his chance to bring stuff, but it drove me bonkers at the time. So insensitive!
It sounds like you are not feeling supported by your family. That was very hard for me too, to not get much help during a busy time in my life, and have my parents actively being kind of a pain as well. Itshe's so hard when you have little kids! And you are buying a home and moving too, and on top of that they are pressuring you on this. Not cool. But remember, it may be an emotional thing for them too. Nobody likes to feel like their house is a storage locker and their requests are being blown off. I would say just ask them to hang in there, and tell them that talking too much about the home purchase will jinx it! Remember, soon this will all be over. |
Anonymous
| "Mom, please feel free to FedEx them to me. I would be happy to pay for it." |
Anonymous
But why should they store your shit for a decade? You clearly don't need it. You don't even really want it, given what a low priority moving it into your own house is. They are storing trash for you, and that's silly. Being a snot about it doesn't change that. Personally, I would give my kids a deadline--six months or one year to come, sort through the boxes and either toss them, donate them, or take them. |
Anonymous
Except OP isn't. She has ten boxes of crap she hasn't looked at in a decade, and she doesn't want it at her house. No way she wants to pay hundreds of dollars to have it shipped to her. |
Anonymous
| We had this, and my mom would set out one box every time we came to visit. I would either pick through it there or just put it in the trank and take it home. Baby steps! |
Anonymous
I know but saying it would shut them up. |
Anonymous
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I took all my things immediately after college.
My 60 yr old brother still has some boxes. The other two do not. I don't know why. Maybe it's psychological. Regardless, your parents shouldn't have to put up with your stuff. Get it out of there!! |
Anonymous
| 8 years is a long enough time for you to have figured out a time to pick them up (or ship them to you) at your convenience. Your parents should not have to hold on to them indefinitely. It is obviously a sore spot with them. Tell them to through them out or pay to have them shipped to you. If you do not have room in your current abode and you do not want to get rid of them- rent a storage locker in your town. |