S/O: Family dinners growing up
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Anonymous
| We had great family dinners but generally they were cooked by the nanny/babysitter. |
Anonymous
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We had family dinners every night. The TV was always on, since my parents watched news from 5pm-7pm. I remember being shushed a lot when trying to talk about my day so they could hear it. Good times.
Currently I have 3 kids, one in elementary school and two under 3. We have dinner at the table every night except Friday, when we get take out and watch a movie. The kids are often tired and cranky by this point, and have been hanging off of me whining for snacks for the past couple of hours while I try to clean up and make dinner, so I'm tired and often cranky too. I don't view dinner as our quality family time because of this, but dinner at the table is the best way to get everyone in our family fed and develop good/healthy eating habits with little kids, so this is what we do. We may have a different strategy when the kids are older. Our quality family time usually occurs when everyone has a full belly, not at dinner. We have our best talks during bath and tuck-in. |
Anonymous
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We had family dinners 5 nights a week (Sunday-Thursday). I'm the oldest of 3 and the younger 2 sisters would fight and cry almost every single night. Then my dad would get pissed at them and lash out. Or, we'd go around the table talking about our days and our dad would be totally zoned out and not paying attention.
My mom was a SAHM and spent hours every day preparing delicious meals. She is an amazing cook! But I never liked meat so most of the meals I would eat consisted of bread and pasta. So, even though she tried to give us healthy food, I did not eat healthy! |
Anonymous
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Not sure if I should even answer because our dinners were so dysfunctional...
My family dinners were completely about my raging dad controlling everything and my mom walking on eggshells. She cooked well, but my dad criticized everything. We had to sit for extreme amounts of time listening to him. He believed in "only speak when spoken to", but you better know the right response or he'd holler or hit us with his utensil, then laugh and say grow up. I was late to my highschool grad because I couldn't even leave the table for it. He was physically abusive so you couldn't just get up when you wanted. My mom barely ate and criticized what/how much we ate. My dad ate food off our plates. Funny thing is my parents were well respected in our community. No one would have guessed how dysfunctional it was behind closed doors. My children have more relaxed meals. We eat as a family when it works around shift work, sports and other activities. |
Anonymous
Oh wow, that sounds difficult. Must have been hard not to grow up with issues around food, too. Sounds like you're on the right path with your kids, good for you! |
Anonymous
| We had family dinners but I did not enjoy them because I did not like the sounds my father made while eating. So I worked to minimize how long I was at the table with him. Today we do family dinners sometimes, maybe once or twice a week, because I still have these types of issues. |
Anonymous
| We had them every night, although we went out to dinner once a week or every other week. My mom SAH so she cooked every night. On the night my dad bowled we'd have TV dinners on TV trays and watch Star Trek (I'm old!). When she bowled we had chili she made in the afternoon, I have good memories, except for having to sit there until I finished my cold Brussels sprouts. |
Anonymous
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I did. Every night when I was younger. As we got to be teenagers with more of a social life it didn't happen nightly, but we were required at dinner every Sunday. I have good memories of them. They were not formal and fairly relaxed. We talked about everything. I still remember the first time I contributed to the "grown up" topic of the day.
My husband didn't grow up with family dinners. He mostly grew up with nannies and boarding school and never ate with his parents except for large scale holiday formal dinners. For our kids we're carrying on the daily dinners from my side. |
Anonymous
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We had them every night, 4 kids, generally pretty late so older siblings could do activities prior (activities seemed to end earlier then!). Often we'd have stray teenagers in attendance. They were great, and a rare chance for all of us to connect. My parents always joked our dinners were the reason I had such a big vocabulary (I was the youngest).
I remember kind of rolling my eyes at them in high school, when it was just my brother and I left in the house, and my parents would be enjoying wine and jokes for an hour while we desperately waited to be released to finish our homework. In retrospect, even those are good memories. Our family dinners are something my siblings and I joke about a lot, from the time they all paid me to eat a spoonful of horseradish, to how my mom would always dim the lights, light candles, and put on 'dinner music'. She's been dead 10 years, but I always think of her and our dinners when I hear George Winston. Family dinners are definitely something I prioritize with my own kids. At least at this point, there's no dinner music, though we do use cloth napkins 
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Anonymous
| Not great. We didn't talk much. And I have miso phobia so by the time that was in full effect I pretty much wanted to punch everyone at the table in the face. Talk about torture. |
Anonymous
Lol miso phobia= misophonia |
Anonymous
Ha, are you me, do you have misophonia too? |
Anonymous
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My 7yo told me today that having dinner with me and her dad is boring and she'd rather read or watch videos. This made me pretty sad; if she was 14 I'd be sad but not surprised, but at 7 this seems disappointing. We try to engage her in conversation, and we talk about all kinds of stuff. We don't do a lot of manners micromanaging. I like the idea of eating togetherness family, and I think it's a good habit.
What do you all do to keep dinner interesting? |
Anonymous
Not much, just talk. Not everything in life needs to be super exciting or entertaining--we do teach the kids that as well. I think they have skewed expectations from easy access to entertainment. No boring car rides, no nights when there is nothing on TV, no sitting in restaurants with nothing to do. We make sure they're bored out of their skulls from time to time. Learn to appreciate what you have, and learn to think or daydream. Not that this is what you need to do at dinner, but not everything is as fun as watching your favorite video. Learn to appreciate what is going on while it is going on. |
doodlebug
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We did them most days. I didn't enjoy them particularly. My step father was a real debbie downer...very pessimistic, you had to sensor every syllable to avoid offending him or being lectured about something, he wasn't very smart which made it particularly grating. I loved it when he worked swing shift and wasn't around but sadly, that wasn't nearly often enough. I think some people just need more down time than others and time away from other people and forcing them to be together when they simply don't want to be is really a recipe for disaster.
On the other hand, I know lots of families for whom family dinners are a really good thing. It's really about the personalities of all the players and overall group dynamics. One grump can really ruin it for everyone if they can't keep their grumpy trap shut. |