Upset by DH's critical comments about me

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[Post New]08/30/2016 18:52
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Anonymous
If it's true, you need to come up with a plan to make things better. DH was venting. He's allowed to vent. You're doing the same thing here. Sometimes we need to get things off our chests. (How do you think he'd feel knowing you told all of the dmv about this situation instead of coming to him? Probably the same way you feel.)

But regardless of who said what to whom, you acknowledge there's a problem. You're adults. Find a way to work together to solve it. Maybe the solution is DH helps more, or maybe you have the cleaners come more frequently. That's not important. What's important is that you two work together and fix the problem. This doesn't have to be a big deal. You already have your hands full with babies, don't make mountains out of molehills.
[Post New]08/30/2016 18:54
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Anonymous
DH once complained to friends I wasn't doing enough around the house when I was 9 mos pregnant with our second. These friends have been trying (unsuccessfully) for years to have children and totally shut him down. They basically told him he was being an asshole and if he wanted more done around the house, to do it himself. I love those friends. DH does not complain about me anymore.
[Post New]08/30/2016 19:20
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say, OP. Newborns sleep a lot. You have cleaners and the other child is in daycare, so if you had a vaginal birth, you should be able to strap on the baby and do some basic clean-up around the house. With my babies, I would lie on my side and nurse, and catch some naps that way.

Now if you're recovering from a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, it's a different story, and you should be resting a lot more and taking it easy on chores.


As if on cue, some woman comes on and tears another woman down for not doing enough chores post partum. Maybe she had a fourth degree tear? Maybe she has a cluster feeding baby! Maybe her breasts are so perky and firm that she can't lie down and nurse! (How do I know about that you might ask? That was the case with my D cups!) Or maybe STFU.
[Post New]08/30/2016 19:27
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Anonymous
I would make a general comment on how tiring it is caring for the new baby & how you wished the house could be cleaner, but that all that will have to be put on the back burner until the baby gets older.
[Post New]08/30/2016 20:11
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say, OP. Newborns sleep a lot. You have cleaners and the other child is in daycare, so if you had a vaginal birth, you should be able to strap on the baby and do some basic clean-up around the house. With my babies, I would lie on my side and nurse, and catch some naps that way.

Now if you're recovering from a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, it's a different story, and you should be resting a lot more and taking it easy on chores.


Yes, newborns sleep a lot. In very short stretches. And of 3 babies I've had, zero of them slept out of arms as newborns, and zero of them liked being in a carrier. They wanted to be cradled in my arms, belly to belly, with me sitting up and still. Do you suggest OP let her baby scream so she can do dishes and laundry? Skip a feeding to scrub the floors?

Are you even a woman who has given birth? And if you are, how do you not understand that everyone has a different birth and a different baby?
[Post New]08/30/2016 20:51
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The person you should be angry with is whoever shared this with you. What could possibly be the point of doing something so hurtful?


Agreed. I think they're the jerk in the situation. Unnecessary meddling. Hopefully they're not an ass who egged him on in his venting too.


Whoever told you is a shit-stirrer and should be avoided.
[Post New]08/31/2016 15:19
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AnnaTjacks
Member Offline
Have you thought about talking to him about that. Sometimes men don't understand how hard it is to take care of a baby during their the first weeks of life and be supermom and clean. My daughter just recently had a baby and it didn't keep the house up. It just wasn't time for that. It's good that you have a cleaning service...what a blessing! I wish I had one when my kids were young. I hope you are able to sit down and explain this to him. I remember one time I left both my kids are home with DH and went out with friends. When I came home he was so lost. He looked so tired and worn. I think we just make it look easy. Now, my daughter has a really neat house but of course, now her baby is almost a year. There is a time and season and yours right now is providing for your baby and getting as much rest as you can.
[Post New]08/31/2016 15:27
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Anonymous
Good heavens, just be direct: "x told me you were upset about the house chores not getting done during the day. Although I agree it's not great, I am very tired taking care of our baby and am doing the best I can right now. But, regardless, I'd really appreciate it if you not trashtalk me to relatives." Done.
[Post New]09/01/2016 12:54
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say, OP. Newborns sleep a lot. You have cleaners and the other child is in daycare, so if you had a vaginal birth, you should be able to strap on the baby and do some basic clean-up around the house. With my babies, I would lie on my side and nurse, and catch some naps that way.

Now if you're recovering from a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, it's a different story, and you should be resting a lot more and taking it easy on chores.


Yes, newborns sleep a lot. In very short stretches. And of 3 babies I've had, zero of them slept out of arms as newborns, and zero of them liked being in a carrier. They wanted to be cradled in my arms, belly to belly, with me sitting up and still. Do you suggest OP let her baby scream so she can do dishes and laundry? Skip a feeding to scrub the floors?

Are you even a woman who has given birth? And if you are, how do you not understand that everyone has a different birth and a different baby?


Yes, I have indeed had three babies with everything from natural birth to complicated c-section, and my babies were high-needs, like yours. I had to carry them or wear them in slings at all times, so I learned to get things done while holding them or wearing them. You can also nurse while walking around and doing things, you know. Like women all over the world have always done. And yes, it's all exhausting, but don't sell women short. We're not princesses made of cotton candy. OP seems to have cleaners, the other child in daycare, and a helpful husband, which is all more than I had, so I didn't know what else would help for her situation. I sympathize with her because of her husband badmouthing her, though.
[Post New]09/01/2016 13:15
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The person you should be angry with is whoever shared this with you. What could possibly be the point of doing something so hurtful?


There's that.

I'd clear the air with DH, though. Tell him that Aunt So-and-so opened her big mouth and repeated some comments that DH supposedly made, and you wanted to clear things up. And remind him that you and he are both still adjusting, and that the house will only be as clean as the cleaners get it for awhile. Laundry and dishes won't get done as fast. That's life.
[Post New]09/01/2016 15:32
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Good heavens, just be direct: "x told me you were upset about the house chores not getting done during the day. Although I agree it's not great, I am very tired taking care of our baby and am doing the best I can right now. But, regardless, I'd really appreciate it if you not trashtalk me to relatives." Done.


+1 you need to discuss it and set reasonable expectations. plus the suggestions of having dh try it all. at least could keep the house neutral. He seems to let it disintegrate x10! But of course I only bash him anonymously, not to friends or family!
[Post New]09/01/2016 15:38
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Anonymous




I don't know what to say, OP. Newborns sleep a lot. You have cleaners and the other child is in daycare, so if you had a vaginal birth, you should be able to strap on the baby and do some basic clean-up around the house. With my babies, I would lie on my side and nurse, and catch some naps that way.

Now if you're recovering from a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, it's a different story, and you should be resting a lot more and taking it easy on chores.


This is you, not the OP. It doesn't matter that you can handle a newborn, nursing full time and able to care for other children without cleaners. We are all different and all have different energy levels. To me, this post was unnecessary and unkind.

To the Op, please talk to your husband just tell him you are doing the best you can at the moment and that things will improve with time. I would also tell him you know what he said and that it hurt your feelings

Good luck!
[Post New]09/02/2016 11:55
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The person you should be angry with is whoever shared this with you. What could possibly be the point of doing something so hurtful?


Why? If OP's slacking off, is she going to go "Gosh darn it! You're right, DH! I've been lazy around the house and will endeavor to do chores instead of playing on reddit for 3 hours!"

If OP's not slacking off, OP's going to go down everything she does, which for some husbands will never ever ever be enough, because (Mommy/some hot ex-girlfriend/someone he vaguely remembers from college but is on Faceook a lot posting all sorts of award-winning stuff about how SHE can handle it all (*)) was able to DO IT ALL!

(*) Either meth does the trick, she's just naturally talented, or she hasn't slept with her husband since the last kid was conceived. Usually there's a catch.
[Post New]09/02/2016 11:56
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what to say, OP. Newborns sleep a lot. You have cleaners and the other child is in daycare, so if you had a vaginal birth, you should be able to strap on the baby and do some basic clean-up around the house. With my babies, I would lie on my side and nurse, and catch some naps that way.

Now if you're recovering from a c-section, which is major abdominal surgery, it's a different story, and you should be resting a lot more and taking it easy on chores.


As if on cue, some woman comes on and tears another woman down for not doing enough chores post partum. Maybe she had a fourth degree tear? Maybe she has a cluster feeding baby! Maybe her breasts are so perky and firm that she can't lie down and nurse! (How do I know about that you might ask? That was the case with my D cups!) Or maybe STFU.


Tell me more about these perky and firm D cups. For science.
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