Concerned for my friend

Anonymous
While I totally understand your concern OP, keep in mind that at 33 years old, she is a fully grown woman & needs to learn how to navigate real life on her own now.

Many life lessons need to be learned through actual experience.
This applies to many different types of situations she will go through.

Sometimes being "taught" by another, perhaps wiser person may backfire.
Us humans are pretty stubborn & like to prove others wrong anyway.

I say keep your mouth shut on this + let her make her own choices.
Offer friendly support and if and when she will need you for advice, etc., then your loyalty will be treasured.
Anonymous
I would try to figure out why you are so concerned. She might sense it.

Can you give her a vote of confidence instead? She needs to know she can make her own choices and navigate the outcome good or bad.

What's the worst that could happen? Try not to protect her. She needs to learn to protect and take care of herself in a way that lets her embrace life.
Anonymous
She views me as her surrogate big sister


Stop with this.

Be her friend. There for her if she asks for advice, or wants to confide.
DiverDown
Member Offline
Hopefully she will sleep with him soon. Would hate to see her go into marriage without knowing if they are compatible
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
She views me as her surrogate big sister


Stop with this.

Be her friend. There for her if she asks for advice, or wants to confide.


Maybe.

Or, you view her as a surrogate little sister, that you can control?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
She views me as her surrogate big sister


Stop with this.

Be her friend. There for her if she asks for advice, or wants to confide.


Maybe.

Or, you view her as a surrogate little sister, that you can control?



No not at all. She was the one to tell me she views me that way. I admit I was honored as I have no sisters of my own. I have never tried to control her, not everyone has ill intent.

Like I said I'm very proud of her for all the changes she mad to her life over the last year.
Anonymous
DiverDown wrote:Hopefully she will sleep with him soon. Would hate to see her go into marriage without knowing if they are compatible


That's my view. But maybe she doesn't need varied experiences or maybe limited experiences will work in her favor.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She will need to fail at a relationship to learn that lesson. She will not learn from you telling her. If he isn't dangerous, leave it be. Be happy for her.


He's not dangerous.
She just doesn't have any real experience with guys other than him.
I have been excited for her this whole time that she finally gets the dating experience. I just think this engagement is too fast, I haven't told her that yet. I don't want to rain on her parade today.


Who's to say it won't work?
Anonymous
My spouse was a Virginia and had never dated until me. Still going string 22 yrs later!
Anonymous
Ha ha virgin, not Virginia!
Anonymous
Real friends will be honest with someone when a problem may be happening. However, the OP said the wedding is next year. There are 4 months left in the year, as far fetched as it could be, it could be a January wedding (and probably a small one).

Anonymous
Just spend some time with them and get to know them both (I say both since it sounds like she is becoming a new person). Perhaps he is a wonderful guy who just can't believe his luck that a wonderful woman without years of baggage has been out there all this time. See what they are all about before you worry. Lots of us are happily married to guys we met in high school or college so we don't have a wealth of experience with other people. It's not a prerequisite.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She will need to fail at a relationship to learn that lesson. She will not learn from you telling her. If he isn't dangerous, leave it be. Be happy for her.


He's not dangerous.
She just doesn't have any real experience with guys other than him.
I have been excited for her this whole time that she finally gets the dating experience. I just think this engagement is too fast, I haven't told her that yet. I don't want to rain on her parade today.


This is the catch-22 of experience. Until she starts dating she will continue to have zero experience with relationships and you will continue to worry about her getting hurt. Sorry, but there's no way to get experience without risking getting hurt.

That said if there are clear red flags with this guy (unemployed, violent, controlling, that kind of stuff) by all means bring it up. Otherwise just be a good friend and be supportive.


I understand that.

But they are engaged. I worry this won't work out and she won't try again for years, but there are no red flags other than the fast engagement.


Who cares if it was fast? If DH and I hadn't been 18 when we met, we would have gotten engaged and married in about that period of time. The long relationship prior to engagement and marriage hasn't really fixed divorce or incompatibility rates.
Anonymous
6 months is fast but not THAT fast. Chances are they have spent every moment of the last 6 months together. It's also likely that they both felt like -- this is the one -- within weeks or a month or 2 but continued dating to make sure. You're acting like they met last week and are getting married on Labor Day weekend.
Anonymous
I know lots of happy marriages that started with fast engagements or were the first real boyfriend. At the time I was concerned but they are very happily married a decade later.
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