Anonymous wrote:I could not stand my mother-in-law until I changed what I did. Other people do not change and for the most part get worse.

I used to go with my wife or stick around when mother-in-law visited. Now I make sure to make myself scarce or have something to do when she is around. She visits 2-3 times a month and I wash car, cut grass, household projects, pay bills and just about anything but hang around when she is around. When wife goes to her house with the kids, I always have something to do (even if it just taking a nap or hitting the gym).

Funny thing is I started this about 5 years ago and it has worked great. I get all my honey-dos done and don't have to deal with the old bird. When MIL is done with visit, I have more time to do things with wife and kids. Plus my house has never been so clean / up-to-date. I was once asked by her why I don't seem to have time to visit with her and I just responded that I have a family, 2 kids and a dog and the work never seems to stop. MIL now seems to like me more than before as I am always busy doing something.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, just dislike your mil and be done with it. Stop trying to pile on every flaw she has. I find it sad when people focus on the flaws instead of on the good things about people.

But go ahead and keep on hating and being inside your head and being miserable that she exists. Because that's what you're going to do anyway instead of trying to see the good and focus on that, which would just make everyone happy

Anonymous wrote:MIL problems are spouse problems. Full stop.

If she doesn't treat you well but your family has to see her every week, that's a spouse problem. If she conveys that she wants her son back and he doesn't shut that down every single time, that's a spouse problem. If a third party who doesn't live with you is a problem in your marriage, it's a marriage problem.

Either you and your husband are united in unfaltering loyalty to the marriage or you're not.

Two choices: get him to right the ship or suck it up. Just realize that she's only doing as much as she can get away with (which doesn't seem like all that much).

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a load of this. My husband was adopted since his mom could not have children. MIL adores babies.

When we first got married, my MIL said that she knew I was a modern woman who enjoyed working. So instead of leaving the baby with a nanny, she could take the baby and raise it in the UK.

I almost choked on my Diet Coke. My inlaws live in a small town in the north of England. They just got wifi last year and live the same way they did in the 1970s. Modern appliances are not needed and the only seasonings they use in the house are salt and ketchup.

Over my dead body would my child be raised like that!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get a load of this. My husband was adopted since his mom could not have children. MIL adores babies.

When we first got married, my MIL said that she knew I was a modern woman who enjoyed working. So instead of leaving the baby with a nanny, she could take the baby and raise it in the UK.

I almost choked on my Diet Coke. My inlaws live in a small town in the north of England. They just got wifi last year and live the same way they did in the 1970s. Modern appliances are not needed and the only seasonings they use in the house are salt and ketchup.

Over my dead body would my child be raised like that!!!

Damn strait! Babies can't live without pepper!! I would call CPS if I found out a baby was living in a cumin free home! (Sorry, just kidding, your in laws seem crazy, I just thought the last part about was funny - as if spice collection and wifi reception were necessary criteria for raising a baby!)

Anonymous wrote:I could not stand my mother-in-law until I changed what I did. Other people do not change and for the most part get worse.

I used to go with my wife or stick around when mother-in-law visited. Now I make sure to make myself scarce or have something to do when she is around. She visits 2-3 times a month and I wash car, cut grass, household projects, pay bills and just about anything but hang around when she is around. When wife goes to her house with the kids, I always have something to do (even if it just taking a nap or hitting the gym).

Funny thing is I started this about 5 years ago and it has worked great. I get all my honey-dos done and don't have to deal with the old bird. When MIL is done with visit, I have more time to do things with wife and kids. Plus my house has never been so clean / up-to-date. I was once asked by her why I don't seem to have time to visit with her and I just responded that I have a family, 2 kids and a dog and the work never seems to stop. MIL now seems to like me more than before as I am always busy doing something.

Anonymous wrote:Ughh...that would drive me crazy.

I have a bunch of non-issues with MIL that drive me crazy too. But she is far away, and I actually haven't seen her at all in over a year because I am just done.

1) DH and I are both doctors. She keeps forgetting this. She occasionally asks if I am still in training (she was at my medical school graduation 12 years ago), but otherwise does not seem to know that I work.
2) She refused to be in any wedding photos that I was also in because she was upset that I had not invited her to get her hair done with me, my sister, and my mom. Because that day was about her.
3) Every time I invite her to a kids party or the like, she acts like I am totally incompetent. Telling everyone loudly that her party for this event was so much better, that she is shocked how poorly I care for my children, bringing food and cake in case I forgot.
4) She was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago, and I asked if I could join her for one of her appointments to make sure that DH and I understood everything that was going on and could help advise her appropriately since she was asking for our input and because I fucking care about her. She literally calls me the night before and tells me that she has an appointment at 11am the next day (she lives 2 hours away from me). I have a small solo practice. I would have had to get a babysitter, go into my office, and call all of my patients scheduled the next day and cancel. She now says that I can't be bothered to go to her appointments, so she isn't going to ask.
5) More than once, I have made plans to see her, packed up all of the kids, driven up, and she has cancelled minutes before we were scheduled to be there. Once, when she wasn't feeling well, but we hadn't seen her for several months, I had even rented a hotel room near her home so that she could just stop by and watch the kids play in the hotel pool and wouldn't feel obligated to walk around with them or let them run through her home. She told me that she hoped I had a nice trip to her city, but she couldn't make it. At all. For five minutes. All weekend. She couldn't come to us, and we couldn't go to her.

I don't know. I could go on and on. It's all trivial, but it all drives me insane in the moment.