Anyone's Child Get them more than spouse?
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Anonymous
| I think this is beautiful. |
Anonymous
I think it's sick. The child is not sick of course, he's lovely and empathic. The OP saying that her child gets her more than her husband does is sick. He just has empathy. |
Anonymous
Her son gets everything better than her H, including her. That is not sick, it is good parenting. I hope all our sons are better than the men produced by the previous generation. |
Anonymous
NP here, but why "sick"? I doubt OP meant that her son somehow understands everything about her life and all the adult issues she deals with "better" than her DH. But it seems perfectly possible that an empathetic kid can pick up on things with respect to a loved one that other less empathetic adults do not. Also the kid is 9, not 5. That's certainly old enough to "get" the emotions of one's parents--and pick up on the dynamics between them--regardless of whether those parents articulate those feelings or in any way "lean" on the kid. I certainly did as a kid and I'd hardly call myself an empath! |
Anonymous
Exactly it's one thing to be proud of an empathetic child it's a very different thing to compare it to her husband. One is sweet and healthy the other speaks to boundary issues and marital problems. Op needs to sort things out before she causes real emotional damage to her son. |
Anonymous
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I think you negative posters are taking it further then what she wrote. Men in the 30+ range were not really taught to be empathetic. It took me a long time to realize that what my wife really needed from me was support and compassion first - not just fixing whatever problem was being presented.
My son when he was young (and I really think most kids are like this, being more empathetic) wasn't worried about the problem, he just wanted to give her some love when she was stressed. We're animals after all. The dog comes up to me when I'm feeling bad and lays his head on me - is that wrong? How's that any different from a child giving his mother a hug when body language is showing that she is distressed in some fashion? Men are often taught at a young age to ignore other peoples' emotions and focus on fixing the problem. Children and animals just worry about the emotions. It doesn't surprise me at all that a grown man would have problems relating to his wife's distress and her child doesn't. Don't you all complain about your husbands not being emotionally supportive all the time? |
Anonymous
OP here. Please Go Away. You are projecting your own views onto my post. Bugger off. No one said anything about doing all that crap. I am a psychotherapist and am delighted at how empathetic and giving my child is. He is my only child. So I don't know what others might experience. Don't hate if your child isn't this way. |
Anonymous
NP Here... I believe that the PP is making a valid point. I've seen women use their kids as their confidant because the child "gets them." The parent shares all sorts of inappropriate things which put the child is a tough spot. While OP may not have done this yet, its something she should be mindful up. I'm sure OP is the kind of good parent that will surely admit she sees the danger rather than being the sort of bad parent who will not admit that this very real danger does exist. Right? |
Anonymous
If you are a psychotherapist you would be supporting healthy boundaries and working on communication with your DH. I've also never heard a therapist say "don't hate." My aunt had a very weird and unhealthy relationship with her son. He was expected to be the grownup and her confidant. That's an extreme example of course, but comparing your DH to your kid isn't appropriate. Appropriate: "I'm proud of my son's deep empathy towards me and others." Not appropriate "My son gets me more than DH." |
Anonymous
| That's kind of sick. Your son is not your emotional support. |
Anonymous
+1. If you're trained in psychology then you know that a 9-year-old lacks the emotional and cognitive sophistication to understand an adult. This isn't an opinion. It's neuroscience. |
ThatBetch
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Can you people parse the difference between acting in a supportive fashion and being (presumably sole) emotional support? Try. Try really hard.
The kid recognized his parent was nervous and sat close and gave back pats. This isn't miraculous, it's just sweet. Not all adult men know how to do this, or understand that some women find it valuable. In fact, many of them take the problem solver approach instead. The fact that OP recognizes the kids supportive behavior doesn't mean she relies on his emotional support, or prefers kid's support to husband's. About the only conclusion you can draw from the post is that perhaps OP would benefit from having a convo w/ her spouse re: what she finds supportive when she's nervous (e.g. "When I'm stressed, I'd like it if you sit close to me and listen quietly. I don't need or want an answer, I just want to know you're there.") Calm down. |
Anonymous
1. Am I the only one who read the title and thought this would be about using your child to get a date? Damn dyslexia. 2. While it's nice you have a sweet son, the bold is concerning to me. Why do you feel he is feeling this way? |
Anonymous
Did you miss the part where OP admits she tells her son it's not his job to support her? Why does OP's son feel like he has to? Sure it could be that he's just a hyper senstive kid, but it could also point to OP needing to manage her emotions better. |
Anonymous
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OP- look at your subject line. He doesn't get you more than your husband. He is a sweet kid who loves his parents.
You are interpreting this in another way. Which speaks volumes about your relationship with your husband. God, what will you do with an empty nest? |