Adult friend with serious OCD issues. Do I say anything?
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Anonymous
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Have a good friend with what I would call some serious OCD issues. Bad enough I think her husband will leave her, she of course doesn't realize how bad it really is. She's a great girl friend but I can see how no one could live with someone with this disorder.
As a friend do I say anything to her? And just how? Very hard to bring up without making it sound like I'm making fun of her. |
Anonymous
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"Janet, what does Mike think about you vacuuming the house for six hours a day? That seems like it would be tough to get anything else done."
If she's a "great" friend, there should be an opening to discuss. What makes you think she's OCD? |
Anonymous
| She has almost every medically listed trait for this disorder. Everything from having to constantly wash hands, checking locked doors multi-able times, checking her house alarm endless times when going out, parking her car perfectly between the lines, can't walk away from her car until the head lights shut off automatically, cutting up food perfectly before eating, constant fear of crime, has to use several alarm clocks just in case, it's a never ending list of things. Most of her other friends laugh about it behind her back but it's no longer funny. Controlling her life and relationships now. |
Anonymous
| Does she have kids? If so, how does the OCD play out with motherhood? |
ThatBetch
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There's your in. I mean, if this woman is your "good friend" she needs to be aware of what her other so-called friends are saying. |
Anonymous
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If her husband is ready to leave bc of your friend's OCD, he has already spoken to her about it. Do you know if she is under the care of a therapist for CBT and a psychiatrist for medication? OCD is difficult to treat and can be very debilitating. You can support her and her family but it is doubtful that you are the only person aware of her difficulties.
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Anonymous
| I have OCD and I hate it! Trust me she knows she has it and she probably hates it also. Hopefully she's getting help but even then sometimes medicine and therapy doesn't help. |
Anonymous
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Having OCD can be hell!!
Trust me, I've had it since I was a child & it has never gone away. I'm even on medication for it + while it may make it less problematic it still exists on a daily basis. My home needs to be neat as a pin. I absolutely HATE having people over, it's really stressful having others in my space. I even get grossed out when someone uses my toilet and shower. My cupboards are organized methodically, food categorized by flavor and all labels facing forward. I don't know how anyone could ever live in my crazy world. Your friend is likely in the same boat. This disease overtakes your whole life & leaves the victim thinking irrationally every second. Just talk to her about it only if she initiates the subject. Other than that, it really is out of your hands as much as it is out of hers. 
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Anonymous
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Thanks for the comments and suggestions. As far as I know she isn't getting professional help, as for her husband I think it's just the final straw in an unhappy marriage. No fighting, just growing apart. They have two teenage daughters that by now have figured this out about their mother.
As for other friends making fun of her, I just think they don't realize how bad it is simply because they don't spend as much time with her as I do. Just the other day I was at her house and picked up an item on her end table. She spend a full minute putting it back exactly where it was after I placed it back down. Sad. |
Anonymous
| OCD is an anxiety disorder. You can help her by helping her find other non-disordered ways to calm down (take her for a walk, a movie, etc) or by helping her recognize that she deserves to feel better and can seek help. Just telling her that her husband will leave her if she don't quit is not helpful and will probably make the behaviors worse. |
Anonymous
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OP, has she ever talked to you about this? I ask because you say her DH is on the verge of leaving her over this. So either he's told you or she has, or perhaps you have inferred it.
If she has said something, that would be your in--she needs to get medication and exposure and response therapy ASAP. OCD can get a LOT better with these. Maybe she's become so obsessive she isn't thinking straight. As this seems to have gotten to something of a crisis point--she is about to lose her family--I'd say something or see if I could work with the DH to get her help. Depending on what her temperament is otherwise she may not resent you for saying something--obviously in a very caring way. The thing about OCD is that those who have it know what they are doing is irrational; they just can't stop. You could do some research--it can be hard to get in with an ERP therapist here because demand outstrips supply, but there are places elsewhere--an intensive outpatient ERP program at the University of Florida and Roger Hospital, a residential treatment place in Wisconsin. That way, you could offer some concrete steps she could take for treatment when you talk to her. |
Anonymous
Not true. I have had two friends whose partners left them without warning |
Anonymous
| She's really never spoken about it, her husband has mentioned it to me once while she was out of the room. At the time I didn't know it was as bad as it is. I wish she'd bring it up, I'd feel much more comfortable in talking about if she did. |
Anonymous
| You sound like one of her closest friends, if not the closest. Any chance you could help her DH get her help by providing information to him about programs etc? He may not be aware of what's out there and that this a condition for which effective treatments are available. |
Anonymous
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Ummm...this is not OCD. OCD has taken on too much popular and armchair diagnosis, so people don't know what it is or isn't. It is not what you are describing AT ALL.
Your friend has anxiety( which is on a spectrum of concern) that manifests itself with worrying-type behaviors. Really. OCD is quite different, much more intense, and prevents people from living their life. Washing hands before eating is what she should do. Hand washing a lot means she's anxious about germs.handwashing/hand sanitizer constantly- like 20 times in a couple hours is a different matter. Worrying if she locked the doors, left the iron on, etc. is just anxiety. Many people are like that. Driving around the same block ten times because she thinks she ran over a person is OCD, rituals when leaving, like touching this and that and saying a mantra is OCD. Picking out her hair is OCD. Counting the floor tiles is OCD. Not being able to concentrate because shes counting the revolutions of the ceiling fan is OCD. Not being able to leave the house because of any of these things is OCD. OCD manifests with unmistakable rituals and intrusive thoughts. It just isn't what you are describing. Her anxiety is sure to be helped by her friends assuming she is mentally ill.Put away your DSM .....you are not qualified to diagnose from it. |