Adult friend with serious OCD issues. Do I say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm...this is not OCD. OCD has taken on too much popular and armchair diagnosis, so people don't know what it is or isn't. It is not what you are describing AT ALL.

Your friend has anxiety( which is on a spectrum of concern) that manifests itself with worrying-type behaviors. Really.


OCD is quite different, much more intense, and prevents people from living their life. Washing hands before eating is what she should do. Hand washing a lot means she's anxious about germs.handwashing/hand sanitizer constantly- like 20 times in a couple hours is a different matter.

Worrying if she locked the doors, left the iron on, etc. is just anxiety. Many people are like that. Driving around the same block ten times because she thinks she ran over a person is OCD, rituals when leaving, like touching this and that and saying a mantra is OCD. Picking out her hair is OCD. Counting the floor tiles is OCD. Not being able to concentrate because shes counting the revolutions of the ceiling fan is OCD. Not being able to leave the house because of any of these things is OCD.

OCD manifests with unmistakable rituals and intrusive thoughts. It just isn't what you are describing.

Her anxiety is sure to be helped by her friends assuming she is mentally ill.Put away your DSM .....you are not qualified to diagnose from it.

While yes these can be typical markers of anxiety what none of us know is the motivation behind OPs friends actions and this is what would distinguish regular anxiety from OCD. OP mentions checking the alarm several times. If her friend has to do this a certain number of times, or a certain way before she leaves b/c she fears that something horrible will happen to her family, this is OCD. The performing of a rituals to ward of bad things (even when you know it is ridiculous) is OCD. We don't know why this woman is doing these things and this is key.

BTW not every case is so severe that people can't leave the house. I have been diagnosed with OCD but it is on the milder side and the medication side effects were worse that my OCD so I stopped taking them. It is manageable but not easy. The checking, the rituals, the counting. It is exhausting at times.

Back to OP, if you are really such good friends I think you should mention it. Just keep it light and don't push if she doesn't want to talk about it. As a PP mentioned, if she has OCD she knows it and she needs to decide when she wants to get help. Hopefully it is not too late to save her relationships.

[Anonymous]

As with most disorders there are degrees of OCD. Only in the most extreme form does it keep you from living your life. My DS had it and was able to go to school despite the OCD. He had very specific triggers and his ritual was very short, though visible. ERP was extremely helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with most disorders there are degrees of OCD. Only in the most extreme form does it keep you from living your life. My DS had it and was able to go to school despite the OCD. He had very specific triggers and his ritual was very short, though visible. ERP was extremely helpful.

he may had had OCD, but you do indicate rituals. The OP's diagnosis of her friend is nothing close. Also, be advised that children are very much over-diagnosed in many areas, or that your son does have OCD, but in the nacent stages. This adult person, which the OP is referring to , does not absolutely have OCD.

[Anonymous]

While yes these can be typical markers of anxiety what none of us know is the motivation behind OPs friends actions and this is what would distinguish regular anxiety from OCD. OP mentions checking the alarm several times. If her friend has to do this a certain number of times, or a certain way before she leaves b/c she fears that something horrible will happen to her family, this is OCD. The performing of a rituals to ward of bad things (even when you know it is ridiculous) is OCD. We don't know why this woman is doing these things and this is key.

No one said anything about fears that something will happen to her family,and that the checking is ritutal-based. This is how people become armchair diagnosticians.

[Anonymous]

This woman is a worrier. Period.Some cognitive therapy would be useful. All this other crap is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While yes these can be typical markers of anxiety what none of us know is the motivation behind OPs friends actions and this is what would distinguish regular anxiety from OCD. OP mentions checking the alarm several times. If her friend has to do this a certain number of times, or a certain way before she leaves b/c she fears that something horrible will happen to her family, this is OCD. The performing of a rituals to ward of bad things (even when you know it is ridiculous) is OCD. We don't know why this woman is doing these things and this is key.

No one said anything about fears that something will happen to her family,and that the checking is ritutal-based. This is how people become armchair diagnosticians.

I think you missed the word " IF". It was not a statement.
A previous PP pointed out that what OP described is not OCD. Therefore my point was no one know why this woman is checking. Is it a ritual? Does she think something bad will happen if she doesn't check a certain number of times? These are hallmarks of OCD. Therefore without knowing more about the type of checking or the reason for checking OP cannot say it is OCD and the other PP cannot say it isn't.

That said you make my point that DCUM posters are not diagnosticians.

[Anonymous]

I dunno. She appears to have an evening up type OCD. Reparking her car until it is perfectly even on both sides. Having to return objects to exactly the right position when they are moved. We don't know if she has to check her alarms exactly x number of times for it to be all right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While yes these can be typical markers of anxiety what none of us know is the motivation behind OPs friends actions and this is what would distinguish regular anxiety from OCD. OP mentions checking the alarm several times. If her friend has to do this a certain number of times, or a certain way before she leaves b/c she fears that something horrible will happen to her family, this is OCD. The performing of a rituals to ward of bad things (even when you know it is ridiculous) is OCD. We don't know why this woman is doing these things and this is key.

No one said anything about fears that something will happen to her family,and that the checking is ritutal-based. This is how people become armchair diagnosticians.

I think you missed the word " IF". It was not a statement.
A previous PP pointed out that what OP described is not OCD. Therefore my point was no one know why this woman is checking. Is it a ritual? Does she think something bad will happen if she doesn't check a certain number of times? These are hallmarks of OCD. Therefore without knowing more about the type of checking or the reason for checking OP cannot say it is OCD and the other PP cannot say it isn't.

That said you make my point that DCUM posters are not diagnosticians.

I feel that the entire point here, an entire forum about someone having OCD based on her very clear non-OCD descriptions, is that everyone jumps to WHY and goes ahead and is concerned about an OCD diagnosis. Why is the OP doing that,and why is everyone jumping on the bandwagon? It's not her job to wonder why: is it ritual, what is her husband thinking, etc.

That's the point.

[Anonymous]

OP asked advice about a friend with OCD type behaviors, which may or may not be true OCD, that have her marriage to the breaking point.

Clearly, the behaviors are interfering to a significant degree with her life and disrupting her relationship with her family and friends.

Whether or not it is true OCD seems almost beside the point to me. The question is what, if anything, OP can or should do to get her friend help.

Not exactly sure why the PP is jumping all over people for being armchair diagnosticians. Clearly, there is something amiss in OP's friend's life. Whether it is OCD or another form of anxiety isn't really the question here.

Signed--PP with DS with OCD that was confirmed by two psychiatrists, two neurologists, and three psychologists and that was very responsive to ERP.

[Anonymous]

It will,be tough and awkward, but are the two of you ever alone where you can have a frank conversation. I suggest saying that you noticed a few behaviors that you know are often signs of stress. And ask her if she is alright. She may try to blow you off, but if she seems receptive, gently suggest that she may feel better talking to someone. Or even going to a doctor to rule out any problems.

I would start out small, and not push too hard.

[Anonymous]

OP here, as for labeling it OCD, the reason I'm calling it that is because after reading so many mant sites on the condition she seems to meet most of the traits. As for what she really has, that's beside the point.

Either way she needs help before it ruins her life and marriage. I'll be spending some time with her in a few days so hopefully the right time comes up.

[Anonymous]

OP, good luck. This is the right thing to do at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as for labeling it OCD, the reason I'm calling it that is because after reading so many mant sites on the condition she seems to meet most of the traits. As for what she really has, that's beside the point.

Either way she needs help before it ruins her life and marriage. I'll be spending some time with her in a few days so hopefully the right time comes up.

OP, I was truly shocked when my doctor pointed out to me that my behaviors were indicative of OCD. It had just been my regular way of living for my whole life. She honestly may not know that there are medications and therapies that can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as for labeling it OCD, the reason I'm calling it that is because after reading so many mant sites on the condition she seems to meet most of the traits. As for what she really has, that's beside the point.

Either way she needs help before it ruins her life and marriage. I'll be spending some time with her in a few days so hopefully the right time comes up.

OP, I was truly shocked when my doctor pointed out to me that my behaviors were indicative of OCD. It had just been my regular way of living for my whole life. She honestly may not know that there are medications and therapies that can help.

I agree this often can be the case.

OCD can begin in childhood and be pretty minor but get worse over time, and really worsen in times of stress. It can creep up pretty gradually so that the person with it just accepts it as something they have to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as for labeling it OCD, the reason I'm calling it that is because after reading so many mant sites on the condition she seems to meet most of the traits. As for what she really has, that's beside the point.

Either way she needs help before it ruins her life and marriage. I'll be spending some time with her in a few days so hopefully the right time comes up.

NP here. It's a bad idea to tell her she has [enter any disorder here]. You aren't a psychiatrist, but beyond that, all she has to do then is convince herself or argue to you that she doesn't have [enter any disorder here] and the conversation gets derailed, and she becomes defensive.

How do you know her husband is about to leave her? If her husband told you, then you should tell him that *he* needs to talk to his wife about their marriage and life and that he's at the end of his rope. What makes you think that she is going to believe you when you tell her her marriage is about to break up, especially if her husband hasn't indicated anything is wrong?

If you think your friend doesn't realize there's help out there for something that is causing her suffering, then give her an article that describes someone doing the things she is doing and how they went for help and life got better. And then say you are available if she wants your help. Leave it at that.

You aren't a psychiatrist. It's not your job to be. It doesn't sound like she is in danger of hurting herself. So I don't think that it's your place to try to intervene and manage her marriage. If her husband hasn't told her he's thinking of leaving, then there are deeper issues in their marriage -- and they won't be solved by you suddenly making your friend think that you and all of her other friends are judging her and have concluded she has a mental illness.