Working moms (who work outside the home)

Forum Index » Off-Topic
[Post New]05/25/2009 13:10
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work so that we can pay our mortgage. I also enjoy working. Is that okay?


I think everyone on this thread is with you - we have all posted that we are in the same boat (pardon the pun considering the start of this thread). So I would say we think it's okay.

But there are many judgmental folks (or more than likely, maybe just one or two) who have posted on DCUM that would say, no, this isn't okay. You don't love your kids enough because if you did you would sell your house and move to an apartment two hours away so you won't have to work.

I think that is the OP's point - that most people have to work or don't have to work, but work for a mortgage or some extra funds, not for things like a boat.

Either way, if you want to get defensive about working you need to pull up the Dr. Laura thread from a while back - cause on this thread you are preachin' to the choir.




I'm not the particular PP you are talking to, but I think you're missing the point. PP seems to be making two points. First, she personally works for her mortgage. But the "is that okay" seems, to me, to be a well-aimed jab at OP's original intent, which appears to set herself up as the arbitrator of what is and is not justification for work. I personally think it's none of OP's business if someone is working to pay for a boat or working to feed their yard gnome collecting hobby. We all have hobbies and priorities that are the business of our own families and nobody else. To each her own, right? You, however, seem to agree with OP that working for mortgage or extra funds is okay, but working to pay for something like a boat is not okay. Why not? Actually, no need to answer -- I don't really care why you don't think it's ok.


No, I thought it was clear from my post - the bolded part - that I think working for any reason is okay and my point was that I was sick of people on this board making judgements about why others work. I clearly said in my post, I think most posters so far would think it's fine to work because you need to work or want to work. That's what I meant anyway.
[Post New]05/25/2009 14:16
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I work so that we can pay our mortgage. I also enjoy working. Is that okay?


I think everyone on this thread is with you - we have all posted that we are in the same boat (pardon the pun considering the start of this thread). So I would say we think it's okay.

But there are many judgmental folks (or more than likely, maybe just one or two) who have posted on DCUM that would say, no, this isn't okay. You don't love your kids enough because if you did you would sell your house and move to an apartment two hours away so you won't have to work.

I think that is the OP's point - that most people have to work or don't have to work, but work for a mortgage or some extra funds, not for things like a boat.

Either way, if you want to get defensive about working you need to pull up the Dr. Laura thread from a while back - cause on this thread you are preachin' to the choir.




I'm not the particular PP you are talking to, but I think you're missing the point. PP seems to be making two points. First, she personally works for her mortgage. But the "is that okay" seems, to me, to be a well-aimed jab at OP's original intent, which appears to set herself up as the arbitrator of what is and is not justification for work. I personally think it's none of OP's business if someone is working to pay for a boat or working to feed their yard gnome collecting hobby. We all have hobbies and priorities that are the business of our own families and nobody else. To each her own, right? You, however, seem to agree with OP that working for mortgage or extra funds is okay, but working to pay for something like a boat is not okay. Why not? Actually, no need to answer -- I don't really care why you don't think it's ok.


This is the OP. I don't really care why people work. I work outside the home because I WANT to - I love my job. I was actually trying to be a little bit funny in my original post. I recognize that most people work outside the home for a variety of reasons - none of which are anybody's business - but the reasons that OTHERS attribute to working moms is usually the car/house/boat thing, which I found funny because I, nor any of my friends or anybody I know, are working for a boat. Can ya chuckle with me? Thanks!
[Post New]05/25/2009 14:29
zumbamama
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
zumbamama wrote:I work and have a boat. I didn't spend thousands of dollars on it though and it was never my big goal to own one on my very modest salary...it was more of a fixer upper project for DH. It only cost $500 off craigslist, and took 2 summers to fix it. It is a blast taking it out on the Chesapeake.

I don't know anyone personally in DC who owns a boat. But when I visit MIL on the Chesapeake, most people there have a boat...ranging from super expensive to super cheap. I also have a paddle boat and three kayaks, but they are not fancy at all...we just like the water!



I´d love to have a boat! It´s true that this area is great for having a boat. My question is, where do you keep it? Even though it might be possible finding a cheap boat off craigslist, doesn´t it cost money to park it somewhere? Just curious, as I´d really love to start looking into buying a cheap boat, if it didn´t cost too much money (or stress) to maintain it.


I keep it at MIL's house. I am just lucky she happens to live by the water and has space for us to keep it there, because it's waaaayy out in the country. I wish I could afford to keep it up here...that would rock! You could possibly find affordable storage out in the boonies. It makes for a nice, secluded getaway.
[Post New]05/25/2009 14:56
Anonymous
I know many people like you PPs and I applaud you.
I also know women and men who live in $4 million dollar homes, have summer houses, private school, country club membership etc AND still the say that they need a DUAL income family! One woman said she would become a SAHM in a minute "if they could afford it"! Her husband earns $1million per year. I wanted to slap her. She doesnt even love her job so it's not ambition or passion for her career. She is away from her kids all week so they can have EXCESSIVE WEALTH. I am sorry but I JUDGE THEM BOTH!
[Post New]05/25/2009 15:00
Anonymous
I'm the "is that okay?" poster.

The thing is, in my field -- law -- there are countless men with Boating magazine in their offices. Also, countless gays/lesbians in two income/no kids relationships who own boats and second homes on the water. I have never seen a thread on here asking Dads or Gay why they work, and is it to buy a boat. Why the hell am I being asked that??? Why am I being made to feel that I need permission to work, or have to apologize for doing so, when there are people who make it absolutely crystal clear that their work income is being funneled toward frivolous purchases (in this economy, to boot), when my income goes to paying our mortgage? WHY?
[Post New]05/25/2009 15:06
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm the "is that okay?" poster.

The thing is, in my field -- law -- there are countless men with Boating magazine in their offices. Also, countless gays/lesbians in two income/no kids relationships who own boats and second homes on the water. I have never seen a thread on here asking Dads or Gay why they work, and is it to buy a boat. Why the hell am I being asked that??? Why am I being made to feel that I need permission to work, or have to apologize for doing so, when there are people who make it absolutely crystal clear that their work income is being funneled toward frivolous purchases (in this economy, to boot), when my income goes to paying our mortgage? WHY?


Op here. I'm with you, sister! That's kind of the point to my posting. I posted it because I think the concept is absurd altogether. But more than that, it shouldn't really matter why people work, whether they are being "selfish" in peoples' eyes or not. I work because I want to - how much for selfish can I get? LOL!
[Post New]05/25/2009 16:26
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm the "is that okay?" poster.

The thing is, in my field -- law -- there are countless men with Boating magazine in their offices. Also, countless gays/lesbians in two income/no kids relationships who own boats and second homes on the water. I have never seen a thread on here asking Dads or Gay why they work, and is it to buy a boat. Why the hell am I being asked that??? Why am I being made to feel that I need permission to work, or have to apologize for doing so, when there are people who make it absolutely crystal clear that their work income is being funneled toward frivolous purchases (in this economy, to boot), when my income goes to paying our mortgage? WHY?


Op here. I'm with you, sister! That's kind of the point to my posting. I posted it because I think the concept is absurd altogether. But more than that, it shouldn't really matter why people work, whether they are being "selfish" in peoples' eyes or not. I work because I want to - how much for selfish can I get? LOL!


No one said only straight moms can answer from what I could tell. Most posts are directed toward moms because the site is DCUM and most on are moms. I realize there are SAHDs and WDs out there who may visit the site. I don't know any. I know a lot of gay folks, some with kids some with out, but no SAHDs, and no dads of any kind who read DCUM or would admit to it. I know they are out there but I think most of the folks posting here are moms. Have you seen the Dads board - No one posts there hardly.

Either way, why get angry or defensive about it? I agree it's shit that the mommy wars are about moms, that my husband doesn't get asked if he was going back to work after the baby but I did, etc. and I personally advocate for it to be different, but there is no sense getting angry at other posters because of it, right? I deal with it by advocating for change in my company and by supporting policies and laws that support family friendly policies in the workplace. Otherwise I feel like we just fight with each other and get nowhere.

I have posted the most innocuous things on this board before and have had the most inane responses - there is such misdirected anger. Not that I'm saying yours is but I feel like so many posts start out one way and then get all these angry posters.


[Post New]05/26/2009 09:40
Anonymous
Having seen both sides of the fence as a WOHM and WAHM (referred to as SAH on this board) at various points in the past 15 years of motherhood, I'd say the stereotype of the selfish WOHM who's doing it all for her boat, Manolos, McMansion, or fill-in-the-blank with luxury item of your choice is as ridiculous as the stereotype of the WAH/SAHM who spends her days lunching, getting mani-pedis, shopping or fill-in-the-blank with the expensive leisure activity of your choice. Sadly, I've heard both claims lobbed from one side of the fence at the other by women who are intelligent and emphathetic enough that they should get it that the reasons for either choice are far more complex than these stereotypes will allow. Why would women who would never tolerate such lazy, one-dimensional thinking with respect to stereotypes based on race, ethnicity or religion engage in it themselves with respect to other women, all of whom are trying to do the best they can for their families?
[Post New]05/26/2009 13:16
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Having seen both sides of the fence as a WOHM and WAHM (referred to as SAH on this board) at various points in the past 15 years of motherhood, I'd say the stereotype of the selfish WOHM who's doing it all for her boat, Manolos, McMansion, or fill-in-the-blank with luxury item of your choice is as ridiculous as the stereotype of the WAH/SAHM who spends her days lunching, getting mani-pedis, shopping or fill-in-the-blank with the expensive leisure activity of your choice. Sadly, I've heard both claims lobbed from one side of the fence at the other by women who are intelligent and emphathetic enough that they should get it that the reasons for either choice are far more complex than these stereotypes will allow. Why would women who would never tolerate such lazy, one-dimensional thinking with respect to stereotypes based on race, ethnicity or religion engage in it themselves with respect to other women, all of whom are trying to do the best they can for their families?


Agree. Well said.

I agree that it's because so much of our decisions to SAH or work are out of our control, more than we want to admit. I'm not talking about finances, or folks who don't have a "choice." I'm talking about those of us who think we have a "choice" but the choice is all or nothing.

Like the folks who wanted to work but didn't want to keep their 50-60 hour per week job, but given their position, have to choose between 0 hours or 50-60. Yes, it's nice when they have the CHOICE to stay home (many don't) but is it much of a choice?

Same with WMs who want to work, choose to work, but may feel burned out at times and are struggling to find a balance, and they get defensive and say, well SAHMs are boring and uneducated.

That is why this war in continually played out on DCUM. I think some women can find somewhat of a balance but it takes a lot of work on our part. I had to build my own reduced work plan and negotiate it myself, there was no system in place in my department. So far it is working out great, and we are lucky we can afford my reduced salary, but it's a shame that it wasn't the norm.

Forum Index » Off-Topic
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics