Weight Issues?

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[Post New]05/15/2009 09:56
Anonymous
I am concerned because my step daughter seems to have put on some weight in the last couple months. She is 10 and just on the chunky side (an XL in Old Navy) She is still very young, and I want to be careful on how we approach this. Because we only see her every other weekend, my attempt to cook healthy meals, has a limited effect. We encourage activity during the day while she is with us, but again this is only every other weekend.

She eats out quite a bit normally, and I know that she just likes to eat.

Do you think a 10 year old notices that she has gained weight? I think I only became conscious of weight towards 6th and 7th grade.

Do you try to teach a 10 year old about portion sizes? I would be wary of doing that because she may to the other extreme.

Do you just let it be and assume that she will at some point become more conscious of her body?
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:08
Anonymous
i would mention it to your husband who should take it up with your SD's mother if he is concerned. don't go there yet with her. as she hits puberty, she may even out. but definitely stay with the healthy meals and encouraging exercise. if she expresses interest in cooking or food or anything like that, share your philosophy on portion sizes (which i think every kid should know and i plan on teaching my son), but don't point out her weight. not saying that it shouldn't be dealt with, but girls that age can be very sensitive so you're right to tread lightly.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:16
Anonymous
an XL with old navy is not "on the chunky side." old navy runs BIG. so if she's wearing XL already, you definitely need to talk to your husband and have him address it with the mom. you have to nip this in the bud, otherwise she's likely to be destined for obesity and runs the risk of diabetes, etc. children are way way too fat here in the US and this "tread lightly" isn't doing anyone any favors.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:17
zumbamama
Member Offline
My SD was exactly like that at 10. I invited her to go walking with me several times a week, and it gave us good bonding time while burning calories. She never really took an interest in sports, dance or martial arts, but 5 years later she has thinned out a lot and all my vegetable encouragement has finally paid off.

I'd definitely encourage your SD to enroll in something active...something that she enjoys and wants to do. It doesn't have to be under the pretext of losing weight. Fun is the best motivation!
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:24
Anonymous
10:08 here. i agree with 10:16 that your SD seems like she is probably more than chunky and that kids in this country are way too overweight. but i think that there are ways of going about helping her to eat better and be more active than "you're fat, do something about it." that last was the approach my mom & grandmother took with me, but they never taught me how to eat healthy or exercise, and guess what ... i'm still fat and have a complex about it thanks to their heavy-handed but ultimately unsupportive approaches.

that's what i mean by "tread lightly." don't criticize her or make her feel ashamed because it may not work with her. didn't with me.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:26
Anonymous
A lot of girls tend to put on a little weight in preparation for puberty, then slim down again a few years later. I think of 10-14 years as a typical time for some puppy fat.

of course, no one here can say if your SD has a larger problem, but I think your husband should talk to his daughter's doctor before you start bringing her weight to her attention as a problem. It might not be one.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:27
Anonymous
Uh, Old Navy does not "run big." Their sizes actually run pretty small. This is just not on me, but my DH, my DD, and just about everyone I know.

That being said, I agree you have cause for concern. But, I do agree that you should treat lightly. As someone who struggled with an eating disorder (I was a size 0-2 and thought I was fat - ridiculous to even write that now) and who has friends who were hospitalized with serious anorexia, body image is a serious issue for young girls. I agree with the encouragement in activity and healthy meals. Do not mention her weight or that you think she needs to lose weight (not saying you would but sometimes it's hard). Have your DH start a dialogue with her mother. Present a united way to deal with this issue.

Also, is there any way you can spend more time with her other than every other week? Maybe start a weekly activity with her? A sport or something? Not sure your proximity to her and if that is why you don't see her very often.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:31
Anonymous
First of all, I think it's great that you are thinking about this. Second of all, I hope you don't say a thing to your stepdaughter about it! Share your concerns with the other parents and suggest a plan. My older sister, whom I shared a bedroom with so we were close, struggled with her weight from age 8 - about 25. My parents didn't handle it very well (told her it was a problem but didn't offer any help. She started exercising in her 20s when she was finally on her own and feeling good about herself). Now I have a daughter, age 8, who has always been an amazing eater and rises to the plus-size during the winter time, which triggers me to do more of the following:

- keep only healthy foods in the house - Empty your cupboards of the junk and spend the money on healthy food. Lots of fruit, nuts, popcorn, other whole grain snacks, no juice to drink, of course no soda, healthy meals (lean protein, complex carb and veggies, desert is always a fruit or fruit smoothie)

- exercise with her - walk to school (make it a special mom-daughter time) or some other exercise that you can do together

- sign her up for some sort of sport all year round. My daughter takes swim lessons when she is not playing soccer.

- keep her busy - no opportunity for sitting around and eating unhealthy food, no time for eating out at restaurants

Finally, accept that puberty causes some girls to gain weight and it will all settle down in a few years. Focus more on healthy habits/lifestyle and less on what the scale says.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:39
Anonymous
At that age, it's very typical to put on some weight. Please please please don't make it an issue with her. I agree with doing some family exercise like walking, hiking, swimming, etc. And possibly talking to mom about it as long as mom won't make a big issue out of it with her daughter. If she's active, and eating healthy stuff, she will slim down when it's her time to slim down.
[Post New]05/15/2009 10:43
Anonymous
Please don't listen to 10:16 and take the approach of telling her she's fat and she has to do something about it. That's the approach my mother took with me, and it resulted in a lifetime of eating disorders for both me and my sister, who observed all of this treatment. If she's interested in any sports or physical activities, encourage it. Invite her to go for walks or bike rides or swimming with you. Make healthy meals and snacks and maybe talk to her mother and encourage the same. Her mother should stop taking her out to eat so much and maybe make meal preparation a time her and her daughter can share. That's the best way to learn about eating healthful foods and portion control. There are ways to approach this that don't involve hurting her feelings. She is aware of the situation, trust me, and criticizing her will only shame her and cause more problems down the road.
[Post New]05/15/2009 12:21
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Please don't listen to 10:16 and take the approach of telling her she's fat and she has to do something about it. That's the approach my mother took with me, and it resulted in a lifetime of eating disorders for both me and my sister, who observed all of this treatment. If she's interested in any sports or physical activities, encourage it. Invite her to go for walks or bike rides or swimming with you. Make healthy meals and snacks and maybe talk to her mother and encourage the same. Her mother should stop taking her out to eat so much and maybe make meal preparation a time her and her daughter can share. That's the best way to learn about eating healthful foods and portion control. There are ways to approach this that don't involve hurting her feelings. She is aware of the situation, trust me, and criticizing her will only shame her and cause more problems down the road.


What? 10:16 said that she should get both parents involved, not that anyone should tell the girl she is fat.
[Post New]05/15/2009 12:47
Anonymous
You could be describing my niece.

She is not allowed to play certain sports do to a medical issue and this last year really started to put on some weight. The family started going to the pool throughout the winter to get some exercise and she really started to slim down. She now takes swimming lessons and is part of the swim team.

In addition, there was a group at her school training for a Girls on the Run 5K this spring.

Here is a link if you are not familiar with this organization: http://www.girlsontherun.org/5kraceevents.html

They have runs in the Spring and Fall that the kids train for. She will be running this weekend and I am very proud of her!
[Post New]05/15/2009 12:54
Anonymous
OP, part of your question is whether she knows she is gaining weight, and so might address it herself. That I don't know but I do know that if you want her to become aware, pictures are a good way. What adult hasn't had the surprise moment of seeing a recent photo and thinking, "well, I knew I had gained a few pounds but it sure looks like I've gained more than I thought. Time to take action"?

If you share photos of recent family activities, you can let her see how she currently looks without passing judgment or raising many of the legit concerns with outright telling her she has a weight problem.
[Post New]05/15/2009 13:11
Anonymous
Old Navy women's clothes run big (says the size Large in Old Navy ) but the girls clothes seem to run rather small. My DD- age 10- wears the XL and is in the 55 percentile in weight for her age. The t's tend to be snug and the skirt's too short.

Although I've always struggled with my weight, I have to say that leading by example (I've been on WW for two years) has probably been the best recourse for my d and two ds'. Food is great- you just have to know what is best for your body and if you need to do yourself a favor and have ice cream you need to do your body a favor and walk to the ice cream stand rather than use the car.
[Post New]05/15/2009 13:22
Anonymous
I was chunky at that age. My parents and doctor made an issue out of it. I had an eating disorder for the next 20 years. Sadly, I was probably pretty thin during junior high and high school, but always thought I was fat because of the issue made when I was 10. Just my personal experience.

If the girl asks you for advice on losing weight, then give it, Besides that, don't focus on her weight. She can always lose weight, but it will take years and years to undo the emotional harm of pointing out that she is chunky. Plus, being a bit chunky is much healthier than her starving herself or harming herself in order to stay thin.

Now, you CAN set a good role model for her by eating healthy, offering healthy foods when she is there, inviting her to help you prepare healthy foods. You can engage her in physical activity. Those are things good for any kid. Just don't make it "about her." Make it about "things you like to do."
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