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Volunteer generals and foot soldiers (short vent)
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Anonymous
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My perspective as a veteran PTA volunteer and nominating committee member: Whether or not you feel your child's school is your "community" (and even if it's not your community, believe me, it's your child's); whether or not you're volunteering with other organizations that serve a broader swath of our community in dire need -- e.g., homeless people, battered women, etc; whether or not you're working at a "very high profile, crazy hours" job -- if your kid benefits from the work of other parents who volunteer at your child's school, you're on the hook for a few hours, sister (and this goes for the dads too.) There are volunteer jobs to suit all temeperaments, talents and time constraints. Most of us experience a true family crisis at some point, and then we get a "bye", but, otherwise, you're just freeloading. Stop with the excuses and roll up your sleeves.
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Anonymous
Pardon me but my $28K disqualifies me from freeloading! |
Anonymous
Ditto. And let's face it-- it's always the mothers. Always. |
Anonymous
ITA. That post was a little intense and maybe that person needs a vacation b/c they're burnt out but judging people so harshly will not pull in volunteers. At some public schools and maybe some private schools, there can be 'politics' and cliqueyness going on but most schools seem fairly open to volunteers, IME. Perhaps it's being new that can be a problem but I don't see why it needs to be, unless new parents get 'hazed' or something. LOL Volunteering wasn't necessary when I was growing up. Some parents did and some didn't and most people didn't seem to mind either way. My mother went back to school when I was 11-13 to get a graduate degree so she had no time. She wasn't all that fond of volunteering at my school anyhow and it never bothered me. She had her adult life and her adult activities, like chairing her local political party's social events, fundraising teas and such. She also took adult art classes. I think volunteering is up to the individual. People are just super tired from working, commuting, helping with their kids' homework and family activities. I have a friend who sends her child to a Catholic school in Rockville and she told me that the school REQUIRES parents to donate XX amount of hours per semester. That means that either she or her ex trade off on those hours. She makes him live up to his share of the hours too!  When I heard that I thought that the school sounded a bit fascist but that's my opinion. She doesn't like it either but puts up with it b/c she had always planned to send her child there because of the academic curriculum.
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Anonymous
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Why is this so heart-breaking? I'd prefer to stay out of my child's school, knowing it's one less thing to think about.
From my experiences, those who are constantly volunteering are up the director's/principal's butt. Leave the cliques for high school I am happy to help out when needed, but I don't feel the NEED to help out. How many more communities do people feel the need to be a part of anyway? Isn't family enough? or good friends? or work colleagues and professional associations? |
Anonymous
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19:53 and 20:54 seem like a great fit for OP's school. They wouldn't be at all offended at not being selected as room parents. Goes to show there's somewhere for everyone.
I like volunteering at school and so I do. And at our school you're pretty likely to encounter a dad doing the same. Just in the last couple of years we've had two PTO chairs and an auction chair who were dads. As well as a number of dads chairing book fair and other PTO activities. At my older daughter's Catholic high school, which is much more traditional than my other kids' elementary school, there's a Father's Club (really!) and from what I can see they do a ton. In fact virtually all the calls I got from school this year were from a dad. |
Anonymous
Oh boy. So many posts to respond to, but I'm picking on yours. What about those of us who feel we have a moral responsibility and obligation to volunteer? What about those of us who bought the open house tour happy talk about being a community, and expecting parent participation, blah blah blah? This feeling of responsibility is NOT because I do not have better things to do with my time. I am one of those people who holds what a prior poster called a "high profile crazy hours" job. As in, sometimes I wear the same clothes for three days before I have time to leave the office to go home for a shower. As in, sometimes things are so intense that I get 30 minutes of sleep in the company sick room. So I am not exactly casting about to define my identity. I volunteer because I think I should. I think part of being in a community is doing what you can to advance it. I do this across all of my "communities;" it is not limited to my children's schools. I also cajole my husband, who has a slightly less demanding but not exactly slouch job, to show up, too, despite often being THE ONLY DAD. I think it's important that our children see we care about their schools and their communities, even if I have to reschedule a bunch of meetings or give up half my Saturday (and any mani/pedi) to do it. So, when the queen bees who ARE defining themselves by doing this think a working mom has nothing to contribute, what do I do? I think to myself it's their loss. If I have the skills to play high stakes poker in the real world, and to pull off the impossible year after year, too bad the queen bees didn't want those skills at their little party. I try, and I show up, and I do what I am permitted. Yes, it pisses me off when I am shut out. Maybe someday I'll phone it in. But for now, I keep trying. And it's not because I think I need to be "up the prncipal's butt". My kid's school doesn't even HAVE someone called a principal... |
Anonymous
You have a poor understanding of what "fascism" actually means. |
Anonymous
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All this posturing is very interesting, but can we get back to the original point... why is that some people feel the need to exclude others when it comes to asking to volunteer? Why do these volunteer-mom cliques perpetuate and why do school administrators feed them and allow them to perpetuate?
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Anonymous
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Perhaps the queen bee volunteers are getting something out of the volunteering that they want to preserve. Volunteering also gives you access to the school head and administration, among other things.
I don't want to disparage those who see volunteering as their moral duty. But I also don't think there's one single reason why everybody volunteers. |
Anonymous
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At an independent school, the PTO/Parents Association/Home and School, whatever you call it, is an arm of the school (rather than being part of a larger organization outside the school like the PTA in a public school). If you don't like the culture created by the volunteer leadership at your school, and you care enough about the institution to want to make the culture better, you can either (1) make your case about the inhibition of a culture of volunteerism in a somewhat formal and well-documented way to the volunteer leadership (perhaps starting with the people who turned you down when you offered to do something and moving higher as necessary) and/or (2) make the case to the school adminstration. If you've presented a good and well-documented case showing how volunteer leadership or specific volunteer practices (formal or informal) are harming the ability of motivated and willing volunteers to be involved at your school, either the leadership of the PTO or the administration should see your point and be willing to work with you to make change.
If they dismiss your concerns, you also have the choice to write a letter to the Board about this. The Board won't act as a court of appeals from the administration, and it won't interfere in what the administration does to operate the school, but Boards are concerned with ensuring the long-term health of the school community and Boards review the head of school, and what you have to say may resonate with them in either or both of those functions. Having written all that, I'm having difficulty seeing how someone who's already been discouraged and rejected from volunteer service would want to take the time to do this! But that's how I would approach making a change if it were my school, which thankfully welcomes everyone. |
Anonymous
Sounds like social suicide to me. |
Anonymous
| I'm 16:19 and I know someone who did this, including writing a letter to the Board. (Not about volunteering but about the auction. ) She was listened to and taken seriously. It was not in any way social suicide. Unless she chose to tell someone, nobody knew about it but the PTO leadership, the administration and the Board. Even if people had known about it, a good number might well have agreed with her! If it's important enough to you, it's important enough to be brave and work to bring about change. If it's not important enough, go with the status quo. |
Anonymous
I posted earlier, but am still flumoxed by the idea that ANY school would not handcuff a potential volunteer and never let them go  . I work FT as an attorney and I am an assistant room mom this year. Last year I was class historian -- loads of fun. Our school began a mandatory volunteer hour commitment from every family this year and I am all for it. The response has been overwhelming with far more volunteers offering their time than have been needed for every event. It has been wonderful. The school has LOADS of volunteer opportunities for WOH parents and we have dads galore as regular volunteers. We most often see the dads running the carnival games at the game nights. Several of the dads in my daughter's grade own their own businesses and make it a point to volunteer in the classroom during the day. Our teachers WORSHIP the parent volunteers who cut things out at home, or prepare kits for smoother class projects, things that give them back time in their own days. Those tasks are easily accomplished in the evening or on a weekend. And since I work FT, I usually offer to do the shopping for whatever the room moms or teachers need in our class. The other room moms either SAH or work PT so they really appreciate not having to go to the craft store with smaller siblings in tow.
I really believe that it this issue is dependent on the school you choose for your child. I wanted a small private school where families became known to one another. I wanted a school that prized volunteerism and emphasizes values as much as academics. I wanted a school that would reinforce the "good citizen" qualities that I am trying to instill in my child. Parent volunteering is essential in this kind of a culture and I am happy about it. I know which parents will be in the lunch room on which days. I say hello to people by name at school events. As my kid gets older, I won't have to hesitate to call another parent and say, "hey do you know anything about this roller rink they all want to go to this weekend?" My mom would have loved to have had that access, but it wasn't available or encouraged at my large public school. |
Lab
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Not to take this discussion too far off-track, but why would anyone care so much about special access to the school head and administration? If I want access, I just send an email or pick up the phone or schedule an appointment. That's about all the access I can conceive of needing or wanting. Are you thinking that some people might use their greater access to influence ... what exactly? School policy? Curriculum? Scheduling the play? Lunchroom choices? Are there big influence issues I am naive about? I'm not trying to be sarcastic; I really don't understand. Please help. |