
I have volunteered repeatedly in my child's school this year. I've agreed to all requests. I've helped out with events that don't even involve my child's grade. But when I expressed interest in being a room parent, no one could be bothered even to get back to me and say, "Oh thanks, but so many people were interested--maybe another year."
It's not earth-shattering, and it's not ruling my life. (Please don't bring up babies starving in other countries.) But it is pretty damn annoying. I understand not everyone is a general, but how about treating the troops a little better? |
My sympathies, OP. I had something similar happen this year at my DC's school. There is some kind of weird power dynamic I don't get. One parent asked me to nominate her for room parent for next year, and I did so. I am on pins and needles hoping that she gets it, but since I didn't get the position I wanted for next year, it's clear what I think or want means jack. I don't know why they asked me to serve in the capacity I did this year if they thought so little of me.
Just let it go, I guess, and I'll try to do the same. On the bright side, at least you'll get more of your time back! |
Ex-PTO co-chair here. Are you both kidding? You volunteered to do something at school and someone told you "no thanks?" Or didn't even bother to tell you that? At our school, we'd have co-room parents, and if 5 people wanted to be room parents, so be it. (Although if it really were 5, I'd seize the opportunity to try to interest at least one or two of them in a broader role.) True of me and my co-chair and all the co-chairs before and since, and I've been there quite a while. At our school we actually prefer co-chairs, it's great support. Wow. Can't fathom how this works for them. |
Agree whole-heartedly with PP 18:03 above! Which school does your family attend?
Speaking as a room parent, I can't think of anything I'd love better than 3 or 5 more room parents. Can't imagine what your PTO leadership is thinking... |
Weird. At our school ANYONE who volunteers is put to work. We have a room mom and a couple of assistants so we can divy up the stuff that needs to be done. |
OP, thank you so much for bringing this up. I know exactly what you mean. I had no idea that being a room parent was considered such a prestige position, reserved for certain people. My personal gripe is the auction. I have spent a lot of time around DC's school and, although it's our first year there, thought I knew a lot of people. All the usual cries went out for "help wanted" in pulling the auction together, but no one ever got back to me, despite several overtures to help out in any way needed. Unless, of course, you count the pleas for donations.
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It's wierd, but different schools have different cultures about volunteering. My kids' public elementary school is all about welcoming new volunteers, getting new blood into the PTA, and relieving the battle-weary veterans who've put in their time on fundraising, parties, and all the other PTA projects. In contrast, the independent school my oldest has attended since middle school (he's now in high school) is very bureaucratic and puts up a lot of barriers to parents who seek to get involved. You have to be recruited or really pushy to get in on things. Once you're in, though, everyone is very welcoming, helpful and supportive. Still, parents who are involved complain that volunteers are over-burdened . . . but don't seem to think about pulling in more folks and spreading the workload out a little more. |
8:10 is so right. My child's public school could not run without a posse of volunteers. We're at an independent now, Middle School, and the lead volunteers are parents with older children at the school and they don't seem interested in letting new parents join the fun. (Wink.) I have a friend with a child in another independent school, middle, and she did not feel welcome to volunteer their first year there. Oh, even at my child's elementary, the room parents self-appointed themselves as room parents for life (at least that was what some of us joked), it was odd, they meant well but there was no discussion of rotation, they didn't want to add more parents to the fold. |
As a new family at a private in 09-10, what would you all recommend? DH and I work f/t and our kids will need after care. That said, I don't expect that we'll have much time to volunteer but we are both willing to help when needed.
What are the "consequences" of not volunteering for anything and just making donations? Do the majority of parents volunteer? Do WOHM/D volunteer a lot? We aren't ones for social politics so it would suit me just fine to steer clear and just focus on my kids getting a great education and having a fantastic experience at the school. Will my children suffer any "consequences" for not having involved parents? I'm more concerned with establishing personal relationships with the teachers and administration so we create an effective two-way dialogue while our children are enrolled? Am I naive? TIA |
Don't know about the culture of particular schools but I am familiar with the culture of volunteering and organizing. Sometimes people just don't get it together to engage everyone they should -- for whatever reason whether they're busy or disorganized. It could be that the people at the center just don't have it together. It might not be personal. I wouldn't rule it out but I also wouldn't assume without a lot of evidence that it is personal rejection. |
This is only my personal opinion which I would never share with a fellow parent at school. I find it a little weird when there is one or two families who never, ever, ever, ever, ever volunteer for anything the entire school year. Of course someone who needs to be at the office 8-6 every day is not going to be the parent lunch aide, I think everyone understands that. Nor will that parent chair the auction. But every school (3) that DCs have attended will have weekend carnivals, festivals, book drives from 6-9 at Borders where a parent sits at the checkout table ... weekend stream cleanups, the list of non-9-6 "jobs" goes on and on. And I -- and only I, mind you -- don't understand how a parent wouldn't want to help out once, ever, year after year. I know someone will respond to this that I "don't know what that parent has going on, maybe they have a sick mother or a chronic disease or or or", but I'm only thinking of the people I have known personally over the years for whom this is not the case. They're just 100% uninvolved with the greater school community. |
Perhaps some people don't consider their children's school to be their "community." Maybe their church is their community, or their extended family is.
For my part, I try to go to a couple of field trips per year because I want to enjoy that time with my daughter and her friends, but I don't consider the school to be my community. I volunteer with an organization that serves people in need, and that takes up the time that I'm not working, parenting, or resting. It's a conscious choice to give my volunteer time to people that I believe really need them. My child is happy, she gets play dates, other people seem to like me. I think that some people are really focused on the school and some are centered somewhere else. |
So if your school is not your community, because your church, country club or block is your community, you should never pitch in and help at your school when they could use your help? |
I think my child's school is my community, but my volunteer energies go to managing a team my child plays on. I volunteer here and there at school but it's not my cental volunteer focus. I think the school expects gradations of participation. |
I was that poster. It's a choice everyone makes individually. For me, personally, I believe that the poor kids that my volunteer organization serves could use my help, and will get more out of it than the middle-class kids at the well resourced school DD attends. OP said that her efforts to be more involved were rebuffed-- presumably because the school has many parents who are interested in chipping in. I can tell you from my volunteer work that we're not turning motivated people away, and that no one is venting that their efforts aren't valued. We need people. When my daughter is old enough, I think she'll appreciate that I spent my scant spare time on this, especially since she does get my company on some field trips. |