Loving and smart.
You should take the day to really think about your life, priorities, what makes you happy, how to care for your relationship with your DH and how to set boundaries at work. I have the same type of job as you I think : great mission, very proud of what I do, I care a lot about the outcomes but there of "emergencies", emails back and forth at any time of the day (working around the globe). Briefings to write on super short notice, etc..My colleagues are workaholics with no kids. For the sake of your relationship you need to define "no tech hours" and religiously stick to it. You owe that to yourself and your DH. It is extremely irritating to live with someone glued to their phone, someone who never gives you their constant attention. A hike in nature shouldn't include email checks. You didn't mention kids so I assume you don't have any. If you plan on having some, start good habits now. Right now your DH is concerned about you, in the future he will be concerned about the kids and mad at you for not setting proper boundaries. Trust me.. The way it works for me: I set no smartphones hours at home (from 7 am to 8am and 6pm to 8pm). I can do emails at 6.30 am if I wake up first, I can work after 8pm when the clean up is done and we agreed not to do something together etc... But in my head, I block this time and hide my phone away.. It is hard but it works. And yes, I usually find out that the world can live without me during that time.. |
how is this even a question????????
seriously OP, your DH deserves a porn-star quality BJ tonight followed by off-the-charts monkey sex. |
It's neither loving nor controlling, it's enabling.
You will never get cured of your workaholism if your husband has to be your nanny. |
Condescending and disrespectful. OP is not a child.
It would have been loving for him to suggest this idea and then get you to buy in. |
Are you last 2 posters nuts?
It was sweet thing for her hubby to do. |
Loving |
Do you have kids? If so, stopping thinking about just yourself and find a job with more balance or make more balance in the job you have. I don't care how important you are and you're probably not that important. Be there for your kids. They need you. |
Your husband truly cares for you OP and he does not like seeing you so stressed out.
He is sending you a subliminal message. Since you don't have the inclination or willpower to do what needs to be done which is nothing by the way, he decided to take control of the situation. I wouldn't be angry, sure it is a bit annoying, but understand he did this all in the name of love. The intention was for your health. If this happened on a regular basis, I would have issues. But if this is an isolated thing so far, be grateful. "Don't hate...Appreciate." Now go get a manicure. Go on....Go!!!!!!! |
This seems loving to me. And I can say this as a survivor of a childhood where DV was frequent and a marriage where DH XH disabled the landline phones and ran up a $1000 cell bill so it would be shut off when we were separating. |
I'm pretty sensitive to controlling stuff, and this does seem controlling to me....but WOW, you have a problem, and the primary one is not your DH. You are burnt out but you can't let go. This is textbook workaholism.
What your DH did was essentially the same as the spouse of an alcoholic stealing all of her booze and pouring it down the drain for a day. It actually won't stop you from going back to your addiction, not for long. But I hope it's a wake-up call. You are ruining your life, and you only have a short one. Please, please get off this crazy roller coaster. What are you hiding from? What are you avoiding with all this work? Why can't you see how much your DH wants you back in life again? |
+1 to a naked thank you. They are the best! |
OP- Update? How has the rest of your week gone? How did you thank DH? |
You should be glad. You sound like a workaholic. |
OP HERE - thank you, everyone, for helping me put things into perspective. I took your advice and rode out the week, staying (mostly) away from work and DCUM (which was terrible). I let DH keep my BB, but just checked my emails on my laptop once through the days so I could forward or address anything urgent (always surprised by folks who don't heed an auto reply).
And yesterday, we had an amazing long hike. DH took a selfie of us and when we got home, I saw it, couldn't figure out why it was a picture of us I liked so much. Then it kind of hit me: I look happy and RELAXED. So now, the reality comes, but I guess I do know that he really loves me and my job, is in fact, killing me. I'll start trying to set boundaries and if that doesn't work, look at moving on, even if it's to something frivolous. Thanks DCUM for your point blank honesty as usual ![]() |
Another amazing recovery brought to you by DCUMs! All accomplished by a simple anonymous post and a few supportive replies. Fixing the world one woman at a time. Way to go team! |