Tween daughter's attitude has become just horrible. Is this typical?
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Anonymous
| Our DD is 12 going on 13 and has become unbearable. She wakes up in a foul mood, continually berates and mocks her younger siblings, starts yelling at us when she is asked to do even the simplest task, and is generally nasty. Yes, she has moments of her old self, but the rest of the time.... We keep praying that this too shall pass. What we can't figure out (among many things) is if this is pretty standard for an otherwise perfectly fine kid of her age. Are other families going through the same thing? And how do the deal with it? This could stretch even the the most calm and rational person to the breaking point! |
Anonymous
| Ours is 15. It hasn't gotten better yet. I think much of it is calendar-based, she's told my wife that when she's bitchy, she knows she's being irrational but can't help it. |
Anonymous
| Standard and developmentally appropriate. But your job as parent is to point out when she is being unacceptably unpleasant and self-centered. And teens are also hugely sensitive-- so when you unload (and it is fine to do so) -- sandwich praise-- criticism-/ praise. They start to become human again at age 15.5. |
Anonymous
| I found the book Girls Will be Girls had some very helpful insight about what is going on for girls this age. Yes, my DD (12) also has a lot more nastiness than she did a year ago. Somewhat counter intuitively, I find a little empathy goes a long way in turning her mood around. They seem so big but often feel very needy inside I think. Experiment with a quick "oh you seem like you're having a rough morning, would a hug help?" May not, but it just might . . . |
Anonymous
| I get they are hormonal, heck I get that way too, but it's no excuse too be an asshole to your family for no reason. Having said that though, my DD is only 7. So, I don't really know what I'm talking about yet. |
Anonymous
| PP here. Also, in a calm moment, you just need to develop a game plan. Tell her when she's being unpleasant, you expect her to spend sometime by herself until she can be polite again. Help her find things to do in her room that will make her feel better and then send her there as needed. |
Anonymous
Oh you will. You are almost there. |
Anonymous
I remember feeling that way when I was 15 or 16. One day it hit me that I really needed to change how I was acting because the feelings weren't going to change and it really didn't feel good to be mean to everyone. It's hard to adjust to hormones. |
Anonymous
| What I'm not hearing is, why? Why do tween/teen girls become so unpleasant? |
Anonymous
hormones |
Anonymous
| I think it is just hormonal. Their bodies are changing along with their moods. I have a 10 yo, and have already seen some glimpses of what is to come. We definitely let her know when she is being "spicey", but we just wait it out until our dd comes back. No use in starting a huge fight over it..no one really wins. |
Anonymous
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I have 13.5 years old smart girl who is driving whole family nuts.
Already see 3 different psychologists.... So far no help. Recently she told me that all people around are mean, that she would do absolute minimum in school and only because she has to, that life should be fun and not about studying or working, and parents suppose to please their kids... Or by the way she does not want to help around and scream at everyone... This year was the hardest... |
Anonymous
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OP and Last Poster - This is a hard time, BUT it also important to let the tween or teen understand one is a member of a family unit and the world does not revolve around her or him alone. Having things like "family meetings" where rules on civility, respect for others, doing one's chores etc. can be talked about and rules presented to all as well as consequences if expectations are not met. Also, praise is important and a special reward every now and then is good if she is really making an effort. |
Anonymous
| Our dd was horrific at that age--I was in shock even though I was expecting changes. The rudeness was off the chart. But now she's 13 and she's better than she eve was. I'm braced for anything now. |
MikeL
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Very good advice here. I made it through two girls...3 out of 4 days you want to kill them, the 4th they are their usual wonderful self. It passes, but boy is it tough during that time. |