When you're a woman looking for an fwb...

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]05/12/2015 20:41
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Anonymous
...how do you know a guy who says he's looking for the same really means it? Twice now I have met guys, talked to them, gotten to know them a little, but once we had sex they were gone. Are there any tell-tale signs that distinguish a potential fwb from a belt-notcher? If there are I am clearly missing them.
[Post New]05/12/2015 20:51
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Anonymous
You have posted about this before, and it was explained that you are actually having one night stands, and that a friends with benefits starts off as a friendship.
What you are describing is casual sex with a stranger, and that is really dangerous.
[Post New]05/12/2015 20:55
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Anonymous
Usually fwb's are your friend first, and you don't meet under "dating" circumstances.
You just want casual, right? Are you doing something to make these guys think that you aren't as up for a casual situation as you initially appeared? I can't imagine why guys would be dodging your calls if they thought they'd be able to get some regular NSA sex out of the deal.
[Post New]05/12/2015 22:06
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Anonymous
OP, what you're describing is a random fuck. You aren't friends with him. Try starting out as friends first. That step takes a long time.
[Post New]05/13/2015 07:42
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MaxwellSmart
Member

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You need to have a continuous connection mentally first. Email, text, call, or see each other every day or very often for a while. You don't just rush into sleeping with someone. If the award is given out prior to the game even beginning, what's the point of the game? Your fuck buddies got their prize and they've probably moved on looking for another prize. Also, if you make things too complicated or start trying to add contingencies you might be whipping the horse before the starting gate has opened. Lastly, you need to make sure that the sex is worth their time. If you lay there like a dead fish you're just going to collect flies!

[Post New]05/13/2015 07:43
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:...how do you know a guy who says he's looking for the same really means it? Twice now I have met guys, talked to them, gotten to know them a little, but once we had sex they were gone. Are there any tell-tale signs that distinguish a potential fwb from a belt-notcher? If there are I am clearly missing them.


If, as someone else suggested, you have posted this before then it is also likely that someone mentioned (see bolded print above) that it just might be that those two men didn't enjoy sex with you and didn't want another round.
[Post New]05/13/2015 08:25
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Anonymous
Op here. I might have posted before about this but I can't remember. I think the pp's are right that I'm not giving it enough time to let an actual friendship develop before the sex. And the problem isn't the sex, it's always good. That's why I rush into bed! I'm not ready for a romantic relationship, but I also don't want a string of random hookups. I thought an fwb would be somewhere in the middle.
[Post New]05/13/2015 08:29
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Anonymous
Even in your response where you say you understand, you are ignoring the word "friend." Make a friend. See if the friend wants to sleep with you no strings attached. Those are all of the steps and you must complete them in that order.
[Post New]05/15/2015 04:41
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Anonymous
What works for me is communication, communication and more communication.

After the deed is done, ask him if he would be up (no pun here!) for meeting every so often for another roll in the hay. Let him know it was good for you and hopefully for him as well.

Give him your digits and see what happens.

And if at first you do not succeed, pick yourself up and keep trying again and again until you find someone who is game.
[Post New]05/15/2015 05:55
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Anonymous
You got to have a solid friendship first to have a long term fwb situation. It's literally a friend helping you out. That doesn't happen if you aren't really friends in the first place.
[Post New]05/15/2015 06:43
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Anonymous
OP, a solid FWB can typically be found in a willing ex boyfriend. If you have any of those, test it out.
[Post New]05/15/2015 06:45
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Anonymous
You might not be wired for sport sex, I'm not and I could never put together a casual arrangement. Maybe fly solo till you're ready for a relationship?
[Post New]05/15/2015 06:49
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I might have posted before about this but I can't remember. I think the pp's are right that I'm not giving it enough time to let an actual friendship develop before the sex. And the problem isn't the sex, it's always good. That's why I rush into bed! I'm not ready for a romantic relationship, but I also don't want a string of random hookups. I thought an fwb would be somewhere in the middle.


So you don't remember posting a month and a half ago?
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/459828.page
[Post New]05/15/2015 07:08
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Anonymous
I read your old post. If you're not ready for a real relationship due to whatever issues you're working through, this practice of finding random F buddies online is really going to screw with your head; it's going to kick your goal of something real and healthy fyet her and further down the road. You will continue to feel used and abused because you're barking up the wrong tree. Online hook-up sites aren't going to yield a decent guy who will treat you with respect, maintain appropriate boundaries, and be someone you can trust not to endanger your health or well-being. You will only find casual F's on these sites, not FWBs.

If you continue this practice you should lower your expectations. But I agree with posters in your old post -- it's really dangerous. You didn't acknowledge that in any of your posts.
[Post New]05/15/2015 20:31
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I read your old post. If you're not ready for a real relationship due to whatever issues you're working through, this practice of finding random F buddies online is really going to screw with your head; it's going to kick your goal of something real and healthy fyet her and further down the road. You will continue to feel used and abused because you're barking up the wrong tree. Online hook-up sites aren't going to yield a decent guy who will treat you with respect, maintain appropriate boundaries, and be someone you can trust not to endanger your health or well-being. You will only find casual F's on these sites, not FWBs.

If you continue this practice you should lower your expectations. But I agree with posters in your old post -- it's really dangerous. You didn't acknowledge that in any of your posts.


Op here, and that post was not me actually, but I like your advice. I think my problem has been going to dating sites looking for a friend, when really people are there to date (or have sex with every woman in the DMV, whichever). I think what I really want is a boyfriend, but for some reason it's hard for me to even admit that to myself. Because the fwb I picture is someone I talk to, hang out with, I like him, he likes me and we have great chemistry. I mean, that's basically a boyfriend. I don't really want to be exclusive so maybe that's why I think I want an fwb, but even then when I think about it, if I was with a guy I liked and who liked me I wouldn't feel the need to see other men.
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