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If your child assaulted another child at school would you apologize to the parents?
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Anonymous
| I am finding that I have anger about this. My son was scratched down the face by another child in his preschool. This wasn't a little scratch or in anyway an accident. He has 3 scratches one of which is about 4 inches going across his face and eye area. It was very noticable and when we went out in public we had several cooments on it from total strangers because it looked so bad. This week the child also scratched another child in the same way and I wonder if its happened before. Basically the kid gets angry and attacks by scratching down the face. The perpetrator is starting kindergarden this fall and my son is nearing 4. Yes, the school is having a conference with the parent and yes, the child will probably be evaluated for larger issues, but my question is, am I being unreasonable in expecting that the parents of this child would apologize to me? This is where I get angry. I kept expecting a note or call just saying we are very sorry about this from the parents but I have heard nothing from them. Am I being unreasonable? Also, if you have specific experience with this, I would be curious to know if other schools remove a kid from the class for this type of thing. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| Oh boy. Well, first off, it's not ASSAULT. You need to relax. Would it be nice to have an apology? Sure. Are the parents bad people for not apologizing? No, I don't think so. They are probably deeply embarrassed. My daughter was the target of such a child last year and the parents were mortified. The child has been in OT for a year now and is a totally different kid. Don't go and label 4 yr olds "assaulters". that's just crazy. |
Anonymous
|
It's possible that
1. The parents were not told which child was scratched (OK, it should be obvious) or know how bad the scratches were 2. They are waiting to "run into you" at pick-up / drop-off 3. They are embarressed / worried / and not sure what to do about it. |
Anonymous
| I think an apology would be nice, but I don't think the parents are bad people for not giving you one. In fact, if the kid is being evaluated for his/her behavior, I'd feel sorry for the parents. (I mean, the kid must have some serious issues if he/she is being evaluated for being a bully. Remember bullies? Most of them probably didn't need therapy.) Also, the parents may not even know who their child scratched-- my daughter was bit at daycare and I never found out who the biter was (nor did I care). Come to think of it-- I guess I didn't get an apology either. But, I assume my daugher's name wasn't on their child's incident report either. In fact, the more I think of it, it's posts like these that make me thankful that they don't "name, names." |
Anonymous
|
In an ideal world, yes. My child said something once that was very hurtful to 2 girls in her class. When I found out I did call the parents to apologize and to assure them that we were on top of the situation. They all appreciated it greatly. Definitely a low moment for me as a mommy!
Is your child over it (not talking about it, comfortable playing at school, etc)? If so, then let it go. If not, then you could ask the teacher/principal about it. At our school, sometimes the parents have helped the child who was aggressive write a note to the child who was the victim (draw a picture and write the word sorry). My point is that you only need to talk to the teachers and parents about making amends if your child is still struggling with it, not if you are. |
Anonymous
| In our dc's preschool (which also goes through K), parents are not informed of the name of a child who either hurts their child. They are also not informed of the name of the child their child hurt. I'm surprised the school told you who did this - unless perhaps it was your child who did? |
Anonymous
| My toddler pushed another toddler but younger, at the pool over the weekend. I corrected my son and apologized to his father, who was standing near his son. Children will act out and do bad things every now and again...but if a teacher told me my child had hurt another, I would call and talk to the parents. It's the way I am. |
Anonymous
|
Ok, you need to breathe. Assault??? Come on!
This sort of thing is SO VERY upsetting, I know. I hate thinking of my child being injured by another child. But, don't go around labeling 4 yo's with other "issues" as assailants. I agree it would be nice to "apologize" but there are any number of reasons why they have not. Personally, I'd rather the situation be addressed before I receive an apology. |
Anonymous
| I agree that the parents should apologize, no excuse. But I feel much more sorry for them than for you. From what you say it is noticeable but hardly a big deal... while I hope I won't have to deal with that type of behavior with my kid! |
Anonymous
| I am guessing they are either really embarrassed or they are the cause of their kids' aggression and bullying to begin with. Don't get so hung up on things you can't control. |
Anonymous
| My son has hit kids at school every once in a while and once even bit one last year (he is in preschool). The school doesn't tell me who the other kid was. I was very embarrassed that my son did this and talked to him about it. But I would hardly call it assault. You are talking about kids (some of which may have issues). If this child deliberately did this to your child, something is not right there. But a lot of hitting, pushing, etc in preschool is lac of impulse control or not knowing what to do in a situation. I always apologize to the other parents if this is something that happened in my presence but if the school doesn't tell you who your child hurt, what can you do about it? |
Anonymous
| My son received a scratch on his under very similar circumstances. However, I never expected an apology from the parents. This is very typical for pre-schoolers. When I do pick my child up, if the teacher mentions that he hurt another child, then I have my child go over and apologize to that child. |
Anonymous
| If the parents want to change the kid's behavior, they should make HIM apologize to you and your kid in front of them. My DH said his parents made him go to a little boy's house he hit when he was little and apologize and he never forgot it (or started a fight again). |
zumbamama
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| If my child did that to someone else's child, I would apologize to the parents and make my child apologize too. Although it is typical behavior, I would feel like a schmuck if I didn't apologize. |
Anonymous
Just curious, how old was DH at the time? |