Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My best suggestion for any IEP meeting is bring a digital recorder*, and put it on the table and say "If you don't mind, we would like to record the meeting for our records."

I have to disagree that this is a universally good idea. I have a great relationship with our IEP teams and they serve my child well. I have been at this for ten years now and I believe that the cooperative relationship we have is a great benefit to my child. I would never risk this by putting a recorder on the table unless I had a reason to mistrust the team.

You're right, I guess I should have qualified it (rather than stating it as good for any IEP). The situation we were in was one where we were having hostile remarks from the staff directed toward us, and uneducated questions like "Why does your son keep repeating the same thing over and over?" … and these are educators who are supposed to be trained in dealing with children with special needs!! It's not that uncommon for an autistic child to repeat a given phrase over and over!

I agree with the previous poster that if you have a good relationship with your IEP team, then this might seem like a hostile move on your part, to introduce the recorder. It will signal that you don't trust them, and/or you may try to use their own words against them at some future time. In our case that was exactly what we needed! So, be mindful of your current situation and apply my suggestions as appropriate to your needs. And realize that those suggestions were coming from a time & place where we felt that we were being stonewalled, and none of our suggestions or recommendations for his placement and needs were getting through. After we implemented the recorder & me (the Father) being involved (along with an Educational Consultant), things began to change for the better.

[b]I am probably jinxing myself (IEP meeting next week!), but more than ever I feel extraordinarily lucky that my DC has a team that makes it anything but contentious. Now I worry that I've been doing something wrong all these years. Am I not asking for enough?[b]

Anonymous wrote:I did today for the first time ever. We were there with our advocate - who's good and I'm grateful she was there to handle things. It's so odd as you don't think it's the parents who would be trying to convince someone that their kid isn't an achiever. I feel like we've done it to ourselves because we've paid for so much therapy and tutoring. If we'd just done less, he'd have made less progress and they'd better see how much assistance he needs. This feeling is a 180 degrees from a few years ago when I would beat myself up for not doing more - afraid that what we were doing was enough. I feel like just saying fuck it and discontinuing our private interventions. Yet, when it comes down to it, I can't do anything other than what I think will help him. As you all know, the time, energy and resources it takes is huge. I feel so defeated, ineffective and screwed. That's why I cried.

Anonymous wrote:I generally have felt like educational advocates have not been a good use of money for us, but one of the few good things ive felt an advocate did for us during a contentioous iep meeting when there was arguing, the advocate called a five minute break and had us step outside and take a breath

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally have felt like educational advocates have not been a good use of money for us, but one of the few good things ive felt an advocate did for us during a contentioous iep meeting when there was arguing, the advocate called a five minute break and had us step outside and take a breath

Yes! I think the advocates are not worth the money. Get your psychiatrist, tester, or tutor in there to explain precisely what your child's needs are and why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally have felt like educational advocates have not been a good use of money for us, but one of the few good things ive felt an advocate did for us during a contentioous iep meeting when there was arguing, the advocate called a five minute break and had us step outside and take a breath

Yes! I think the advocates are not worth the money. Get your psychiatrist, tester, or tutor in there to explain precisely what your child's needs are and why.

Because, of course, once the school team hears precisely what your child's needs are and why, they'll be sure and get your child just that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My best suggestion for any IEP meeting is bring a digital recorder*, and put it on the table and say "If you don't mind, we would like to record the meeting for our records."

I have to disagree that this is a universally good idea. I have a great relationship with our IEP teams and they serve my child well. I have been at this for ten years now and I believe that the cooperative relationship we have is a great benefit to my child. I would never risk this by putting a recorder on the table unless I had a reason to mistrust the team.

You're right, I guess I should have qualified it (rather than stating it as good for any IEP). The situation we were in was one where we were having hostile remarks from the staff directed toward us, and uneducated questions like "Why does your son keep repeating the same thing over and over?" … and these are educators who are supposed to be trained in dealing with children with special needs!! It's not that uncommon for an autistic child to repeat a given phrase over and over!

I agree with the previous poster that if you have a good relationship with your IEP team, then this might seem like a hostile move on your part, to introduce the recorder. It will signal that you don't trust them, and/or you may try to use their own words against them at some future time. In our case that was exactly what we needed! So, be mindful of your current situation and apply my suggestions as appropriate to your needs. And realize that those suggestions were coming from a time & place where we felt that we were being stonewalled, and none of our suggestions or recommendations for his placement and needs were getting through. After we implemented the recorder & me (the Father) being involved (along with an Educational Consultant), things began to change for the better.

[b]I am probably jinxing myself (IEP meeting next week!), but more than ever I feel extraordinarily lucky that my DC has a team that makes it anything but contentious. Now I worry that I've been doing something wrong all these years. Am I not asking for enough?[b]

In my experience with 3 different schools and 5 principals, the school administrator at the meeting can make a big difference in the tone. If parents feel their concerns and ideas are taken seriously in the process then it feels like a collaborative effort, as it should be. The worst meetings (and the ones where my child's rights and protections were seriously violated) was with an Assistant School Administrator who conspired to withhold info. that showed problems my daughter was having and prompted school personnel on what to say prior to the meeting. It is NEVER a good meeting when the school administrator dictates what can be discussed and what cannot be discussed (red flags should go up with this type of announcement at the beginning).

As far as if you are asking for enough -

Is your child making progress towards his/her goals?

What data is being presented to support the goals are being met?

What new goals should your child be transitioning as he/her gets older and the curriculum becomes more challenges?

Does the team consider your concerns and your child's needs for services?

If you are happy with the answers to these questions, I would say you should count your child lucky and be happy with the team at your school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally have felt like educational advocates have not been a good use of money for us, but one of the few good things ive felt an advocate did for us during a contentioous iep meeting when there was arguing, the advocate called a five minute break and had us step outside and take a breath

Yes! I think the advocates are not worth the money. Get your psychiatrist, tester, or tutor in there to explain precisely what your child's needs are and why.

Because, of course, once the school team hears precisely what your child's needs are and why, they'll be sure and get your child just that!

Yes! I think the advocates are not worth the money. Get your psychiatrist, tester, or tutor in there to explain precisely what your child's needs are and why.


Because, of course, once the school team hears precisely what your child's needs are and why, they'll be sure and get your child just that!

Yeah, I agree that schools will just ignore what they don't want to hear. We had our child's speech therapist listen in on the whole IEP meeting and she commented clearly on our child's needs, but to no avail. We got the IEP, but none of the speech services that were necessary.

We have had good experience with an advocate and an attorney, but the best experience was when I complained in writing to a special ed supervisor outside the school in the central county office. My letter was factual about the ways in which the school was violating the law and refusing to provide the services for which we had clearly demonstrated need. It worked wonderfully!

The problem is that there is basically no oversight of the school-based IEP process except in terms of procedural timelines that must be met by law. Because of this, as long as the procedure has been followed, it doesn't matter whether the school has rely complied with the substance of the law. Some of this is probably due to the reluctance of courts to second guess the "educational decisions" of the "experts" (aka teachers and administrators) except in really egregious cases.

Anonymous wrote:

Yes! I think the advocates are not worth the money. Get your psychiatrist, tester, or tutor in there to explain precisely what your child's needs are and why.


Because, of course, once the school team hears precisely what your child's needs are and why, they'll be sure and get your child just that!

Yeah, I agree that schools will just ignore what they don't want to hear. We had our child's speech therapist listen in on the whole IEP meeting and she commented clearly on our child's needs, but to no avail. We got the IEP, but none of the speech services that were necessary.

We have had good experience with an advocate and an attorney, but the best experience was when I complained in writing to a special ed supervisor outside the school in the central county office. My letter was factual about the ways in which the school was violating the law and refusing to provide the services for which we had clearly demonstrated need. It worked wonderfully!

The problem is that there is basically no oversight of the school-based IEP process except in terms of procedural timelines that must be met by law. Because of this, as long as the procedure has been followed, it doesn't matter whether the school has rely complied with the substance of the law. Some of this is probably due to the reluctance of courts to second guess the "educational decisions" of the "experts" (aka teachers and administrators) except in really egregious cases.

OP here. It's nice (and sad) to know I'm not alone in this. One of the reasons I'm so very frustrated is precisely, as the above poster noted, that as long as procedure has been followed, it doesn't matter whether the school has complied with the substance of the law. We continue to hit this. We get into this loop where the school team points to the procedure, saying that they followed it and, therefore, their decision is correct. I understand they need a framework/procedure to better ensure rights are respected and laws are followed but they also need understanding of the overall environment the law creates. It's so very frustrating.