Ever cry at an IEP meeting?

[Anonymous]

I did today for the first time ever. We were there with our advocate - who's good and I'm grateful she was there to handle things. It's so odd as you don't think it's the parents who would be trying to convince someone that their kid isn't an achiever. I feel like we've done it to ourselves because we've paid for so much therapy and tutoring. If we'd just done less, he'd have made less progress and they'd better see how much assistance he needs. This feeling is a 180 degrees from a few years ago when I would beat myself up for not doing more - afraid that what we were doing was enough. I feel like just saying fuck it and discontinuing our private interventions. Yet, when it comes down to it, I can't do anything other than what I think will help him. As you all know, the time, energy and resources it takes is huge. I feel so defeated, ineffective and screwed. That's why I cried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did today for the first time ever. We were there with our advocate - who's good and I'm grateful she was there to handle things. It's so odd as you don't think it's the parents who would be trying to convince someone that their kid isn't an achiever. I feel like we've done it to ourselves because we've paid for so much therapy and tutoring. If we'd just done less, he'd have made less progress and they'd better see how much assistance he needs. This feeling is a 180 degrees from a few years ago when I would beat myself up for not doing more - afraid that what we were doing was enough. I feel like just saying fuck it and discontinuing our private interventions. Yet, when it comes down to it, I can't do anything other than what I think will help him. As you all know, the time, energy and resources it takes is huge. I feel so defeated, ineffective and screwed. That's why I cried.

Dry your tears. You were being a good mom. Drink some wine. Reassess and if necessary, change tactics now.

[Anonymous]

(((hugs))) I am sorry. It is hard. We keep second guessing ourselves. Don't forget to be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

I've had several parents cry at IEP meetings. It happens. I keep tissues on hand for a reason. I've also cried after meetings (IEP or otherwise) because of comments that parents have made to me and I'm the teacher/advocate!

You don't need to feel defeated, ineffective, and screwed. You're doing the best you can.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have cried at IEP meetings. Hang in there; you're a great mom and doing as best as you can.

[Anonymous]

I cried at the very first one. I cry/tear up every time I have to explain that my son has severe autism and then try to explain how awesome he is. Your doing a good job! Tears are normal and natural!

[Anonymous]

Haven't actually cried (yet), but definitely felt "defeated, ineffective and screwed."

[Anonymous]

I definitely have. And I burst into tears of happiness visiting a classroom at the school my kid will attend next year. I'm sure everyone there has seen it all.

[Anonymous]

Close as had to hold them back. However, my DH just said " well, we can let him fail if that is what it takes." We were so lucky because the assistant principal knew how hard we worked with ds out of class and spoke on our behalf saying our ds was doing so well because of parental involvement but he still needed services. It is so hard to manuever in the public school system. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I feel defeated, ineffective and screwed at every IEP meeting! I can't imagine feeling good at an IEP meeting.

Dante's new version of hell would include an IEP meeting.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP -

I'm in your exact shoes right now. When I feel discouraged with the system, I take a step back and look at how far he has come and where he will be one day - not because the system worked but because we did pay for private services to start early interventions. Windows of opportunities close so quickly with kids. Early interventions are always the best and you can't just sit on your heels and wait for the system to kick in. Hang in there. Keep advocating for your child and keep supporting him/her.

I've started notebooks to keep our own examples of work and my child's difficulties. I correspond via email with teachers and keep copies in the notebooks to document the discussions. For meetings, I bring in these documents to show concerns that may not be reflective in the teacher reports because they always choose my child's best work (work with the aid of a tutor). Our tutor comes to the meetings to explain what she see working one on one with my child and she advocates for accommodations that she thinks would be helpful.

You are a good, caring parent. Good luck. I don't know a single parent who hasn't been so frustrated at the bureaucracy of IEP meetings that they haven't shed tears. That's why there is several tissue boxes on the table for every meeting.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I cried at our last one too. I honestly thought my DS would not be pushed into XXX many hours of special ed but the IEP team felt he still needed this much support (basically 10 hours a week in special ed). Every year I have this crazy idea in my head "oh no, this year will be better, he will be fully mainstreamed) and then smack. On the other hand, he made it to AAP this year, kudos to my geeky boy.

[Anonymous]

A better question is when haven't I cried at an IEP meeting!

Hang in there, OP. Tears just mean you care, not that you can't cope. Let 'em go, girl!

[Anonymous]

pretty much always either during or after

[Anonymous]

I had a team member shout, not exactly AT me, but about me. Sigh. Still not sure how to address that one.