How do you know if your husband has a drinking problem?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]05/02/2014 19:52
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Anonymous
We have different idea about how much, where, and when to drink. I don't like him doing it in the house around the kids. It makes him less responsive to family needs. He says he lacks impulse control and it's hard for him to have just one. Lately, I'm finding bottles hidden around the house. He comes homes occasionally slurring his words and acting somber. Later in the night he turns belligerent.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:15
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Anonymous
Those are signs of a drinking problem.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:16
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Anonymous
You don't need to wonder any more. He has a problem.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:21
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Anonymous
Dear OP,

He has a problem: it is a problem that is impacting your lives and it's going to get worse. This may help you: years ago someone said to me "In pointing out to you that he probably has a problem, I'm not telling you that you can't love him. I'm just telling you that he has a problem." When I did intervention with DH, I made sure to say to him "I'm still going to love you. But I can't love what you're doing. We need to get help." It made a difference.

Please attend Al Anon this weekend -- tonight if you can. Sending up thoughts for you; it can get better.

Signed, Spouse and daughter of alcoholics who 'just needed to relax with the help of a drink' until intervention gave me back a spouse and a parent. PS: Sadly, it is not uncommon for adult children of alcoholics to find themselves in relationships with alcoholics and still not see the signs and still ask questions such as you are.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:24
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Anonymous
What do I do now? I don't have anyone I can talk to about this.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:28
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Anonymous
Go to Al-Anon meetings. It's a good productive start for you.
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:30
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Anonymous
I will Check out al anon.

Feeling anxious and guilty. Did I help cause this by saying No alcohol in the house?
[Post New]05/02/2014 20:35
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I will Check out al anon.

Feeling anxious and guilty. Did I help cause this by saying No alcohol in the house?


don't do that to you. it is not your fault. hopefully al anon will help you help yourself first, and then your husband. it is really not your fault.
[Post New]05/02/2014 21:01
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will Check out al anon.

Feeling anxious and guilty. Did I help cause this by saying No alcohol in the house?


don't do that to you. it is not your fault. hopefully al anon will help you help yourself first, and then your husband. it is really not your fault.


You CANT make someone an alcoholic.

PLEASE do not do this to yourself. Really. It serves noone to blame yourself.

Focus on what is happening. That is plenty.

So sorry OP. Please hang in there- you are doing the right thing posting here and good advice so far. Brace yourself for the need to be very strong. But you must not accept this behavior from your spouse. You cant save him, but you can tell him what you see.
[Post New]05/02/2014 22:44
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Anonymous
you probably wouldn't have said no to alcohol in the house if it weren't causing a problem in the house. you didn't create the problem, but unfortunately you will have to deal with it.
[Post New]05/02/2014 22:52
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Those are signs of a drinking problem.

+1 Hides bottles? Sorry OP, doesn't sound good
[Post New]05/03/2014 02:09
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youngblackdude
Member Location: new yorker
Offline
Yeah that dude has a problem
[Post New]05/03/2014 02:10
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What do I do now? I don't have anyone I can talk to about this.


A good reason to go to Alanon.

If you don't click with one group try others until you find one that resonates.

I go to Naranon. There is no one I can talk to (or trust to tell) that my child is an IV heroin user. I can do this at Naranon.
[Post New]05/03/2014 03:18
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Anonymous
Yep, he has all the classic signs of a drinking problem OP.

Now what are you and he going to do next?

In order for him to get help, he will have to admit to himself and YOU that he does have an issue which I hope he does. Nothing will get achieved unless he takes this first step.

Hopefully he will seek help not only for himself and his marriage, but ultimately for the sake of his children.

They need a sober Daddy...One who pays attention to their needs and wants at this stage in their lives.

Good luck to all of you.
[Post New]05/04/2014 00:38
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We have different idea about how much, where, and when to drink. I don't like him doing it in the house around the kids. It makes him less responsive to family needs. He says he lacks impulse control and it's hard for him to have just one. Lately, I'm finding bottles hidden around the house. He comes homes occasionally slurring his words and acting somber. Later in the night he turns belligerent.


Pretty much everything you wrote here is a sign. Mine became sober before we wed. He has fallen off the wagon a few times and I am patient with him as he regains sobriety. He knows that being drunk and passed out is not the life I want so he sobers up or it is divorce. He fell off twice. Been married 9 yrs.
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