Giving yourself time to grieve
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Anonymous
| My TTC journey for a second child ended today. I have never wanted anything so much as I have wanted children. I know that I need to give myself time to grieve but it is hurting so bad right now. I am so, so thankful that I was able to experience motherhood once. I truly am. I just want this to be over, and the pain to stop. The day started so wonderful and full of hope and now this. I gotta get it together before I walk out of my office door . . . how do you cope with the grief? |
Anonymous
| I am so sorry OP. why is it over? why can you not keep trying for #2? how old are you and how many tries this time around? I wouldn't give up hope so fast, but I don't know your particular situation |
Anonymous
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I have a feeling I will be you in a year or two. It took us 2 IUIs and 2 IVFs to get DC1.
I expect it might be harder or even impossible to get DC2. I am so thankful for the child we have and I am trying to make peace in advance that our family will be complete with just the three of us. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Yes, I always held out hope for a second child and I am so thankful to have a wonderful first child. The process of "making peace" with it is hard. For each try, I had to overcome significant health-related obstacles. I know it will get better, I just wish it would get her sooner rather than later.
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cczbunnie83
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| Like one of the PPs I wonder why you say it is over... But in any case I think giving yourself time to be just you and feel just how you feel is very important. We focus so much on our struggles, our health or lack of it and our dreams for a baby that we probably forget to take care of ourselves and go through all the emotions of this difficult process. I've miscarried twice and while all I can think about is babies I know that in order to be strong and keep going I need time to heal everytime I lose a baby. I like to look around me and gather strength from all the other sources of joy I have in my life. I really hope the best for you and for you heart to heal very soon. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I am slightly over 40 and a self-pay IVF patient. I wish it were covered by insurance but it isn't. I had the option of stopping this cycle due to poor response but I just couldn't spend another $5,000 for drugs. |
Anonymous
| OP - I am so sorry. If you haven't checked the Resolve Inspire message boards for infertility and living after infertility, you should. It is a wonderful supportive environment with people who have been in your shoes and can listen and also tell you how they started their journey to healing. |
Anonymous
| OP, how many cycles did you try? How poor was the response? I am sorry to hear that. We are currently struggling with multiple FET failures TTC #2, but I am only 34, so I have not given up hope but I am younger and my response is obviously different, but in any event, it's still incredibly hard. I am so sorry. How old is your first DC? I think you will have a wonderful life ahead of you with your perfect family, you just need time to grieve the family you had imagined before |
Anonymous
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http://www.inspire.com/groups/living-after-infertility-resolution/topics/living-childfree/
PPs - please stop accusing the OP of not trying hard enough or not exhausting her finances to the last penny. She said she is done, so let's trust her that she has thought about this for a while and is not just having a bad day. Also stop asking her for her medical details so you can compare her situation to yours to make yourself feel better about how maybe you aren't at the end of your TTC journey yet. OP asked for help with her grieving process and most of you are not helping. OP - I haven't been in your shoes, but I'm guessing the only thing that helps is allowing yourself to grieve and the passing of time. Just like when you were doing treatments you should talk about it or not, avoid other people's pregnancy announcements and children, or not. You should do what ever works for you and know that it's ok to change your mind about what's working any time you want. I hope you have a good support system to help you through this. The fact that you are sad doesn't mean you love your child any less. |
Anonymous
| Me too, OP, me too. 5 FETs and 3 mc and I'm done. This sucks, but we'll get through. I'm trying to focus on the considerable upsides of having one... But the grief is still there. |
Anonymous
| In sorry OP. Do you ovulate regularly? Maybe try NC IVF at Dominion if you do? It's about $5000. Worked the first time for me. It's a long shot though. I'm sorry. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Yes, I still do want another kid. I am thinking about the foster to adopt program. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been there too and it was the most difficult and sad time in my life. It's been quite a few years and when I think about that time of my life I get sad all over again. It's a place I wish we never had to experience.
Good luck. Just know you are not alone. |