Widowed, mid-40s, any hope for me on the new relationship front?

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[Post New]05/01/2017 08:43
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Anonymous
Op- I have no advice, but I do want to say that you sound like an awesome person and I wish you and your daughter all the best.
[Post New]05/01/2017 09:21
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Anonymous
I'm a guy somewhat older than you but I don't see any baggage at all. Just my opinion I guess, but I expect it would be shared by the type of men you want to be involved with. You don't want a man who can't deal with loss or children. I don't think there are a lot of those, at least in the DC area.

My one suggestion based on personal experience is too not focus on the "dating world." You can try the internet, etc. But always take some time, maybe most of your time, to be yourself, get out there, and do what interests you and your daughter. When you do that, you are enthusiastic, and men notice and like that. You aren't as anxious either.
[Post New]05/01/2017 09:41
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Anonymous
OP - guy here - if I were on the market I guarantee I'd try to meet you. You sound smart, capable, attractive with your head screwed on straight. Have you let your circle of friends know what your thinking? Friends of friends can create a big network. If i were single I'd be more attracted to a widow than a divorcee (good marriage versus bad marriage experience) but I'd be more cautious about initiating something for obvious reasons. That's why I think somehow communicating an openness to a new relationship would be helpful. I have a friend who is a widow in her late 50's who sounds very much like you except no young children at home. After 4-5 years she told her GF's (my DW included) that she was tired of being alone and it wasn't long before that network introduced her to a very nice guy. While not married, they have been together a few years and she seems very happy.
[Post New]05/01/2017 11:02
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Anonymous
OP, I am sure that many of your friends would be delighted to try to set you up with someone appropriate. No one wants to push you--you've had a big loss and perhaps the question is intrusive. Let one or two friends know that you feel ready to dip your toe into the dating world. Good luck.
[Post New]05/01/2017 13:04
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Anonymous
OP - another guy that thinks you sound like a catch. There is no baggage. A child is not baggage. Some in the dating pool are not interested in that and will avoid it. But they would be avoiding whether you were never married, divorced or widowed.
From what I can ascertain from your posts in here, you have little to no baggage and I hope you find a nice guy. Bottom line: you have nothing to fear.
[Post New]05/01/2017 16:06
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Anonymous
No, there is no hope.
[Post New]05/01/2017 17:19
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Anonymous
People, the original post is over 3 years old ...
[Post New]05/01/2017 17:59
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Lonely_Sojourner
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Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies. DH had cancer. It was very quick, barely 10 months from diagnosis to his death. I think the first two years after was just me trying to wrap my brain around the fact that it happened at all.

I don't think I talk too much about DH socially, or with DD. Mostly I try to reference him to let others (especially DD) know that I'm OK with him being talked about, that he's not a subject they need to avoid in my presence. For example when DD and I went skiing recently I told her she took after her dad, not me, because her balance is so good. I try to only refer to happy things and good memories, not put any lingering sadness onto other people. I wore my wedding ring for about a year after, but not since. I occasionally think of getting it made into something else but I can't quite bring myself to alter it. Maybe that is a red flag...

I've never heard of Carole Radziwill's book so will look it up, thanks!


OP: Widowed male here; ~three years and counting... Your post rings with such familiarity that I had to respond. Let me digress a bit...

The very first trip that I took sans loving wife was on a week-long ski trip to Park City with a group of single guys. I'm a good skier and had an okay time; however, was far from ready for anything like that. Of course, I didn't realize such until it was too late as I just wasn't in the mindset for that type of "hard-partying" atmosphere; ~200+ single skiers in Park City for a week. You get the picture...

You mention the ring... I still have my wife's ring and to this day, I truly have no idea what I will do with it. We had no children together; however, she had a son from a previous marriage and of course, he asked for his mother's ring as he wants to get engaged and said that he didn't have enough money to purchase a ring himself. I politely said "no" as I would like that ring to stay in the family and I further stated, if he didn't have enough money for an engagement ring, then he had no business getting married. He's 30 y/o going on 22 y/o and didn't get my point(s). I really think he was just looking for an easy way out, which is rather common with that generation (IMO)...

For me, the most challenging thing thus far about the loss of my lovely bride is learning how to be a single person again, not easily done being married to your best friend for 16+ years. Keep your chin up as it does get easier. There are set-backs (too numerous to count) but you have to pick yourself up and move on.

LS




[Post New]05/02/2017 15:11
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Anonymous
I find widows intimidating. I worry that I won't be as good as her deceased husband. Even worse if he was killed while in the military.
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