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Secrets to a successful marriage
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Anonymous
| There have been so many posts lately about cheating, divorce, etc. For those in "successful" marriages after kids what's your secret? How do you do it? Please share your best advice. |
Anonymous
| My husband is wonderful. That's all I can say. There's a lot of love, but perhaps even more important, there is true respect for one another. That goes a long way, at least for us. |
Anonymous
|
Communication, communication, communication.
My hubby is a really good communicator, which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. When issues come up, I always feel reassured that we can talk them through. It may take multiple conversations, and we may not see eye to eye, but at least we both feel heard and address the issue. There is nothing left "simmering" to blow up later. Also, always try to remember that no one is perfect. Not you, not your spouse, not your kids. We all make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. |
Anonymous
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Sex!!!! And more generally, making time to be together ALONE as adults. For us that doesn't even mean getting a babysitter and going out. Just quiet time where we can be together as best friends who love each other, not just co-parents.
Also, being sure to give each other the benefit of the doubt. It sounds easy, but it's not always so for me, esp. when I'm feeling tired and cranky. I grew up watching my parents model the competitive, score-keeping approach with each other, so I've had to learn to relate to DH in a different way. He's great in this department, and it really helps keep us on track. |
Anonymous
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We simply make it a point to be nice to each other - to treat each other with respect and kindness. We're pretty good at calling ourselves out when we're being cranky. Or being appropriately contrite when one of us points it out to the other.
We're also goofy nerds who appreciate the same lame kind of humor, and we try to make each other laugh as much as possible 
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Anonymous
| Alcohol!!! |
Anonymous
Ok, before anyone freaks out - I was kidding! |
Anonymous
As I enjoy a glass of wine after a very stressful day, I'd say you're not totally kidding! We've been married nearly 20 years. It hasn't been easy. We both have multiple divorces in our families of origin and we're actually the only ones who have NOT been divorced, among our parents and siblings. - Mutual respect, yes. - Friendship first. A strong foundation of friendship goes a long way. - Commitment more than anything. A belief that marriage is not disposable is essential. Having seen so many divorces in our families, we agreed that if we got married we would make it work. |
Anonymous
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I try to put him first and he tries to put me first. Strange, but the effect is not the same when you put yourself first, which is the easiest and WORST thing to do.
And no matter how bad it gets, I always know he has my back and I have got his. There is nothing (short of the true horrific stuff) that will pull us apart. And lastly, sex. I have been on the pill for a couple of months and I have all but dried up and it was NOT good for us. AT ALL. I just went off. We will work out not getting preggers, but the sex MUST be there. |
Anonymous
| It's an interesting question. In some ways, I am not sure I married the right person for me. But, I love my husband and I am totally committed to making it work. I think trying to walk in each other's shoes on a daily basis helps a ton. I think asking for what you need/want and not waiting for the other person to somehow now is key (goes to communication), I think faith helps, certainly respect and admiration for the other person. I believe marriage should be wanting that person to be the best possible person they can be and being willing to help them with what their goals are on that front. I also think it is about plain old fun together and being silly, including sex, of course! I also take the marathon view. Sometimes I don't like him, he drives me crazy, I would like to be alone, etc. But those times don't last long. One area we really need to work on is the competitive/score keeping crap and the bickering over silly stuff. Not worth it and such a drain on everyone. |
Anonymous
| sorry , PP here-- obviously "know" not "now"-- tired tonight! |
Anonymous
| Remember that you're on the same team. Marriage isn't 50-50, it's 90-10. The secret is making sure you're fair about trading off who gets the 90 and who gets the 10. |
cassiea
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| One thing that I would say will take you a loooonnnnggg way on those bad days...just know that it's a roller coaster. There are good and bad days, and it's supposed to be like that, but there is always light at the end of that tunnel. I mean, inhabiting the same house and bed with one person for the rest of your life? There's bound to be strife, just like love and joy. But if you admit that the bad days are just bad days, you will stress out a lot less, and everything just gets a lot better from there. If you don't worry that every fight or disagreement is the end of the world and don't think that it means the person you married must be crazy (instead of just *gasp* having a different take on things), that's a great start to mutual respect and love. That took me 5 years of therapy to work out! |
Anonymous
| separate domiciles |
Anonymous
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1. laughter (with wine
2. communication 3. agreeing to work on it 4. making love 5. self confidence (each one needs to feel good about themselves first and foremost before they can be a good partner) |