Secrets to a successful marriage

[Anonymous]

Be sure about yourself=self confidence
RESPECT.
COMMUNICATION
Three times PATIENCE
SENSE OF HUMOR (in our case, we don't need wine for that)
LOVE MAKING
HAVING TWO BATHROOMS
IN- LAWS VERY FAR FROM HOME

Signed,
12 months married lady

[Anonymous]

the first three years were virtually problem-free. not completely free of conflict, but we were loving, we were respectful, we communicated, we didn't go to bed angry... the only big recurring argument was about sex. or basically my lack of drive and his feeling neglected. we talked about it, we argued about it, i gave in, he stopped asking, and it was unresolvable, things grew stale, we felt distance that just grew.

that set the stage for problems that i felt blew up in my face, which was discovering an emotional affair.

but since the world exploded, it allowed us to reflect on our problems and rededicate ourselves to the marriage.

the biggest difference between now and then is that in addition to the respect and communication we used to have, we've become more conscious of how to "fill each others love tank" and make sure that the other FEELS loved. for example, dh always liked to verbalize his love and receive compliments, and i have never naturally been very good at speaking emotions aloud or gushing enthusiasm in words. i chalked it up to that being not my style since it doesn't come natrually to me. but when i realized how much that really means to him, i began to make an extra effort to share compliments and encourage him verbally. he has also made more efforts than ever before to show that he wants to spend time with me, which is so important to me. he used to never make plans for us, i always did, but now he's doing that. we might not have the same butterflies as before, but it's something deeper than that. sounds cliche but it is true.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I are best friends. And just like BFF, we have our ups and downs, but definitely more ups (especially now that we are parents).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The biggest difference between now and then is that in addition to the respect and communication we used to have, we've become more conscious of how to "fill each others love tank" and make sure that the other FEELS loved. for example, dh always liked to verbalize his love and receive compliments, and i have never naturally been very good at speaking emotions aloud or gushing enthusiasm in words. i chalked it up to that being not my style since it doesn't come natrually to me. but when i realized how much that really means to him, i began to make an extra effort to share compliments and encourage him verbally. he has also made more efforts than ever before to show that he wants to spend time with me, which is so important to me. he used to never make plans for us, i always did, but now he's doing that. we might not have the same butterflies as before, but it's something deeper than that. sounds cliche but it is true.

Good advice! I think PP may be referring to tips from the book, "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. I found it really interesting and helpful. Opened my eyes to the fact that there are many different ways to show love (words, time, acts/helping, gifts, touch) and we each have our own preference for the way we most want our spouse to show his/her love, and they have their own preferences, too. Too often we end up doing the wrong thing by giving what we want to get . . . not what the other person wants to receive . . . which is frustrating all around. Once you can see things through your spouse's eyes (and they can do the same for you), it gets a lot easier!

Anyhoo, I'm probably not doing the book justice. Here's a link to the website, which has a pretty good description: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html (By the way, I just noticed on the website that the author has a religious/Christian background. I didn't find the book to be particularly religious in orientation or containing anything that seemed preachy (spoken as a non-Christian.))

[Anonymous]

Don't get married when you are too young.

[Anonymous]

I believe you have to never give up. Remember your commitment to each other even in hard times, and there will be hard times. I think some people have a false since of marriage. It is not always happy, fun and sex. It is hard to live with the same person and deal with someone else and accept their differences. When your spouse gets on your nerves, try to remember what drew you to them in the first place. Unless they cheat, them leave them. They are not worth the effort. I think a lot of respect goes a long way too. With out it, nothing works.