How much of an age difference is too much?
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Anonymous
| What do you think of relationships where one person is significantly older than the other? Do you feel like a large age difference is ok for other people, but not for you? Does the age difference matter more in younger years, than older--for example, what would you think of a couple where the girl is 19, the guy 32? What about several years later when that same woman is 38 and the guy is 51? |
Anonymous
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I think before the age of 30, four years is a comfortable age gap. A 20-year-old just doesn't know herself well enough to be in an equal partnership with someone 15 or 20 years her senior.
But after the age of 30, I couldn't care less how big a gap people are comfortable with. My personal comfort zone is about 7 years, 9 on the outside. |
Anonymous
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Half plus seven.
A 36 year old could comfortably be with someone 25 (36/2 +7) up to 58 ((36-7)*2). |
Anonymous
| I think once you are both over 40, the age difference doesn't matter. |
Anonymous
| At 23 & 24 I dated one man who was 11 years older and another who was 10. I'm still with the later. It depends on the maturity level. |
Anonymous
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DH is 18 years older than me. I met him when I was 19. He's the brilliant scientist type but has Asperger's and matured socially way slower than average.
DC1 has Asperger's as well. I hope he's going to get married and have kids at a younger age than his Dad, so that I can spend some time with my grandchildren 
Live and let live. |
Anonymous
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Its all about the maturity of the people involved - NOT the age.
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Anonymous
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I think it can be a big deal later in life too. My dad's wife is over twenty years younger than him and their interests have diverged greatly. They used to enjoy travel but he can't do so as much due to his age/health. I used to think large age differences were only a problem for young people, but I think there can be a lot of problems as people age. He'd like to downsize their housing but she has no interest as her friends are up-sizing or moving into their "forever" homes.
I think people just need to be really honest about what the future likely holds down the road. Just because a 55 year old and a 35 year old can be fine doesn't mean the age difference won't cause some strains as they age. Of course, lots of relationships have strains over time, but I think there are some that are unique to these relationships. |
Anonymous
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A lot depends on the maturity of the people involved and the compatibility of their life goals. For most people, the gap between 19 and 32 is huge--so much changes in your life between those years and I have found that people tend to feel "out of sync" with someone with even a much smaller age gap, just because they are in a different place (i.e. in college vs. working, living on your own). Once you get past 30, the differences tend to be less drastic.
Speaking more cynically, I think there's also a greater chance that a 19-20 year old girl dating a guy 10+ years older could be easily manipulated. I know this doesn't happen to everyone, but in some cases, men specifically seeking out much younger women are doing so with less than stellar motives. Also, PP is right about issues that come up when you're older, especially with the prospect of many years of caring for a partner in declining health when you are still in your prime. |
dmvwordsmith
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This. I'm 31 so I could conceivably date a woman as young as 22 and as old as 48. But I definitely prefer the 37-45 year old woman... |
Anonymous
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Who cares? If you like the person, GO FOR IT! Noone says you guys are getting married next week right?
Go find out if it will work! |
Anonymous
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I think that older folks should avoid dating anyone under 25 because you do a lot of growing up and learning between college and age 25. It's not a hard-and-fast rule, but I would think less of a 40-year-old friend of mine who pursued a 23-year-old. (either sex.) I would wonder what the hell they had in common, and assume the older person was immature or had bad motives.
After the age of about 27 or 28, I don't think it matters much. I have guy friends who married women 15 years younger, and I have female friends who married men 8 years younger. It's fine. I personally tend to stick pretty close to my own age when dating. I have several younger brothers so I tend to feel sort of big-sister-ish/maternal toward guys who are more than a few years younger than me. And I'm kind of a young 41-year-old in terms of my active lifestyle and my musical tastes (which skew young), so guys who are more than a few years older than me sometimes feel too old. I've crossed the 50-year-old age line a couple of times and had a hard time relating. |
Anonymous
| Agree that when younger, bigger age gaps have more relevance. Whether the couple's interests diverge later in life can happen age gap or not. One spouse can die young, even if you're close in age. I really think this depends on the two people involved and probably has more to do with "place in life," in my experience, than age. I'm currently dating someone 6 years older, but have dated men 10 years older several times (this began in my late 30s, not when I was 20). Anyway, one of the older guys was soon to become an empty nester, while the other had a pre-teen child. I had a child in preschool. The age difference wasn't that important, it was more where we were headed. |
Anonymous
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My uncle was 35 when he married a 20yr old. They are now much older, have three kids and are still completely in love and going strong.
All depends on the people in the relationship. |
Anonymous
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The age difference doesn't matter for the two adults involved. The half plus seven rule is about the point where you cross over from a couple people questioning the relationship to a lot of people questioning it. Of course, over time your friends will accept the relationship as they see the months and years go by.
But the big thing is that we are just talking about generic social acceptance. The numbers mean nothing to the two adults in particular. (couples of the age, race and socioeconomic background break up all the time) |