How much of an age difference is too much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The age difference doesn't matter for the two adults involved. The half plus seven rule is about the point where you cross over from a couple people questioning the relationship to a lot of people questioning it. Of course, over time your friends will accept the relationship as they see the months and years go by.

But the big thing is that we are just talking about generic social acceptance. The numbers mean nothing to the two adults in particular. (couples of the age, race and socioeconomic background break up all the time)

Ah! Wisdom!

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I think it can be a big deal later in life too. My dad's wife is over twenty years younger than him and their interests have diverged greatly. They used to enjoy travel but he can't do so as much due to his age/health. I used to think large age differences were only a problem for young people, but I think there can be a lot of problems as people age. He'd like to downsize their housing but she has no interest as her friends are up-sizing or moving into their "forever" homes.

I think people just need to be really honest about what the future likely holds down the road. Just because a 55 year old and a 35 year old can be fine doesn't mean the age difference won't cause some strains as they age. Of course, lots of relationships have strains over time, but I think there are some that are unique to these relationships.[/quote]

I would expect the amount of change an adult goes through to be greater in the first decades of adulthood, and taper off in the later decades of adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Why are people talking only about women marrying much older men? What about women marrying men 3, 5, 7 yrs younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking only about women marrying much older men? What about women marrying men 3, 5, 7 yrs younger?

At least one or two people said "of either sex" - I think we're all agreeing the age difference issue (or non-issue) is the same no matter which partner is older or younger, it just happens to be more common for older men to date younger women.

[Anonymous]

I am 44 dating someone who is 33. We have a very very passionate relationship and neither of us is wanting a major commitment, just enjoying our common interests and each other. Age is nothing but a number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that older folks should avoid dating anyone under 25 because you do a lot of growing up and learning between college and age 25. It's not a hard-and-fast rule, but I would think less of a 40-year-old friend of mine who pursued a 23-year-old. (either sex.) I would wonder what the hell they had in common, and assume the older person was immature or had bad motives.

After the age of about 27 or 28, I don't think it matters much. I have guy friends who married women 15 years younger, and I have female friends who married men 8 years younger. It's fine.

I personally tend to stick pretty close to my own age when dating. I have several younger brothers so I tend to feel sort of big-sister-ish/maternal toward guys who are more than a few years younger than me. And I'm kind of a young 41-year-old in terms of my active lifestyle and my musical tastes (which skew young), so guys who are more than a few years older than me sometimes feel too old. I've crossed the 50-year-old age line a couple of times and had a hard time relating.

OMG, you are so boring, who would date you?

[Anonymous]

I've posted before about my four (female) friends who are all married to men 15-25 years older than them. It was great until the men hit 70-80. Now my friends are basically nursemaids. Two of them can't leave the house for more than a couple of hours, and their spouses NEVER leave the house. Two have told me verbatim that they are just waiting for their spouses to die so they can start living again.

My spouse is 11 months older than me, and I'm glad.

[Anonymous]

I think the age difference are huge when you are young and old and get much smaller in your 30s, 40s and 50s.

Fifteen years is big when you are 20 and 35 and again when you are 60 and 75 but small when you are 30 and 45 or 40 and 55.

The two older couples I know with big age differences - one person has become the caregiver as the older spouse has many health problems. So instead of enjoying retirement, they are dealing with the health issues that are common to old age. In one case the person had health issues all along but now in older age they have really limited his mobility and in the other case the person was very fit and healthy but had a stroke and now is limited in their functioning.

Of course people can set sick at any age but the likelyhood of that happening increases exponentially as you get older.

[Anonymous]

"I've posted before about my four (female) friends who are all married to men 15-25 years older than them. It was great until the men hit 70-80. Now my friends are basically nursemaids. Two of them can't leave the house for more than a couple of hours, and their spouses NEVER leave the house. Two have told me verbatim that they are just waiting for their spouses to die so they can start living again. "

Yikes! Sounds like a fucking nightmare.

[Anonymous]

I am 34 married to a 51 year old man. Don't judge. Yes I might be looked at by many of his friends as his trophy wife but we have a lot in common including golf which is how we met. He is a great and dynamic exciting man, he keeps ME on my toes not the other way around. So I think its much less about the years and more about the compatibility. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It makes a difference when you get old. People start to break down after 45. When you are 40 and your other 10, 15 or 20 years older, it is a big thing in terms of health and what you can do.

[Anonymous]

Wondering about this now. I'm 30 and he's 24 and it seems like a huge age difference.

That said, I really like guys 2-3 years younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking only about women marrying much older men? What about women marrying men 3, 5, 7 yrs younger?

I know of three married couples in which the man's younger: in one, he's six years younger; in another, he's three years younger; in a third, he's five years younger. (All high SES, in case you're asking.)

In each case (even 3-- that's hardly a thing!), the woman was asked why she'd date/marry a younger guy. The answer was always the same: he asked. All the marriages are still intact. If you think you can make it work, go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering about this now. I'm 30 and he's 24 and it seems like a huge age difference.

That said, I really like guys 2-3 years younger.

Like a local morning radio DJ once told another woman who dated a guy 6 years younger a couple of years back, if you listen to the same music, you have enough in common to go for it. Of course, he was a DJ ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people talking only about women marrying much older men? What about women marrying men 3, 5, 7 yrs younger?

I know of three married couples in which the man's younger: in one, he's six years younger; in another, he's three years younger; in a third, he's five years younger. (All high SES, in case you're asking.)

In each case (even 3-- that's hardly a thing!), the woman was asked why she'd date/marry a younger guy. The answer was always the same: he asked. All the marriages are still intact. If you think you can make it work, go for it!

My 4 years younger DH dropped dead at age 40.