Feeling hopeless
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Anonymous
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Do any of you out there ever feel completely hopeless, like no matter what you do, that you will never have a baby? It is one of my biggest fears that i will keep going through ivf after ivf and that it won't work.
The holiday season approaching doesn't help matters. Have always looked forward to celebrating them with my children. Sorry just feeling really down tonight. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Yes and the holidays are especially difficult. You are certainly not the only one to feel this way. It's horrible to dread the holidays which is what I've been doing for the past couple of years. |
Anonymous
| I totally feel you. We are essentially taking the holidays off this year. Not traveling, just a small Thanksgiving with friends. And for Christmas through New Years we're going on a much needed vacation the two of us. I'm looking forward to this as it will also cover my 35th birthday, and the due date of my one and only pregnancy that I lost earlier this year. |
Anonymous
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22:51 - I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like a vacation for just the 2 of you is a good idea, although I know from personal experience, it will not erase all of the pain by any means. Due dates are like pouring salt over wounds.
22:40 - dread is definitely the perfect word for how I feel during the holidays. 22:33 - thank you. That was so nice and unexpected that it brought a smile to my face. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I have been there. The holidays are a difficult time.
One year I was just so depressed from TTC. Nothing helped. It was a blur. One year we 'took off'. The next year we did a cycle during the holidays, which was absolutely crazy and stressful. And the year after that, she was finally here! 
Hugs, and crossing my fingers for all of you! |
Anonymous
| I can empathize OP. Instead of feeling blue I've thought of everything that makes me happy during this time of year and have made plans to do these things. Seeing shows, listening to carolers, having a tree trimming party with DH, going somewhere romantic for the wknd after thanksgiving, splurging on a few new things for myself, and thinking about all the things we couldn't do with a baby here. We may never have a baby but we can still create great memories and traditions. |
Anonymous
Thanks for your wishes. I'm really dreading next month. I'm not sure if my original message was clear, but my due date was also my 35th birthday. I'm just dreading it on soooo many levels. |
Anonymous
| OP, was right where you are about two years ago. Multiple failures and the fear that I would never have a child in my life. Two years later, I have a wonderful DD (through IVF). You will grow your family, one way or another, it will happen. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
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OP, yes, it sucks. I think the key is to go in knowing: I am going to feel sad around the holidays and this is going to suck and to just build in time to be alone and quiet and sit with those feelings. One of the things about the holidays is that is is melancholy for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons (deceased loved ones, being away from loved ones, etc.) So, it can be a good way to connect to others who are hurting (widowed grandma, friend who just lost a parent, etc.)
it's not for everyone, but what has actually really helped me in not feeling so hopeless is reading stuff from women who are childless not by choice -- Silent Sorority is a good starting point. It just made me realize that my life is worth something NOW and it will continue to be a life with value even if I don't have the family I always imagined. |
jindc
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Member Offline
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My hope for all of you is that this Thanksgiving you find comfort in the love you currently have around you, and that nosey relatives stay away!
For us, I'm dreading hearing my MIL gab on and on about my (amazingly perfect) SIL who is pregnant (in fact, she's so wonderful she never manages to spend any holidays with her mom - isn't that always the case!). My SIL knows we have to do IVF because, against my wishes, my DH told her - "she's a doctor!". Her response was, "who is going to give her the shots". So F her. But I know it's coming and I'm just going to curse her in my head. And have some wine/dessert. |
Anonymous
| OP i posted a very similar thread to this earlier this year...i felt hopeless and wondered if other people felt like it would never happen and couldnt even imagine being pregnant - yet it worked...i didnt get many responses...but friday I will be 3 months pregnant. a long road is ahead, but I couldnt even imagine that I would get this far...it took several years, i hope you have an easier path or find success soon - good luck |
Anonymous
| OP i posted a very similar thread to this earlier this year...i felt hopeless and wondered if other people felt like it would never happen and couldnt even imagine being pregnant - yet it worked...i didnt get many responses...but friday I will be 3 months pregnant. a long road is ahead, but I couldnt even imagine that I would get this far...it took several years, i hope you have an easier path or find success soon - good luck |
Anonymous
I'm really sorry. I just hope it turns out like so many things... the dreading is worse than the actual event when it does get here. |
Anonymous
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OP here
23:34 - what a wonderful holiday gift I found out I was pregnant with twins 4 years ago on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately my water broke too early and we lost them. Now unfortunately my holidays have been tainted. Hoping something good happens again soon.
23:52 - I am so sorry that your bday and due date are the same. That is SOOOOOO rough! Due dates are hard enough but when they are on your bday that is a double whammy. My thoughts are def with you. 15:20 - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I hope I will join you soon. Take good care of yourself and enjoy the holidays. jindc - I feel your pain on the MIL thing. My SIL has a little boy (about to be 7) and of course she got pregnant with him while on the pill. She was 28 at the time and she and her husband just weren't ready for kids and were actually upset that she got pregnant. It takes all of my strength to still not show my disgust about that. I (like everyone else on here) would do ANYTHING for a baby!!!! And all my MIL does is gush over him - doesn't even ever concern herself with what is going on with us. It is sad. 5:18 - Congratulations on your daughter. 12:41 - I def am not ready to read Silent Sorority bc I am not at a place where I can picture a life without kids yet. That is actually such a scary thought to me and one that wakes me up in a panic at night. Gosh, I hope none of us have to go down that road. Thanks to everyone for your responses. I have my ok moments but I am definitely breaking down a lot more now that the holidays are here. Halloween was hard enough - I had just found out that my donor egg IVF cycle ended in a chemical. I used to love the holidays and pray that I and everyone on here will be blessed enough one day to have a little one to celebrate them with. |