Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.

Anonymous wrote:I agree, that sounds really boring. I wouldn't do it. I have a 4 year old - I am 33 - why would I play 4 year old games? I raise my kids, make sure they are loved, fed, clean, learn about the world, etc.... But I don't really play with them. As a kid I played with my siblings, my neighbors, or by myself - I thought that was usually what kids do?

Anonymous wrote:I agree, that sounds really boring. I wouldn't do it. I have a 4 year old - I am 33 - why would I play 4 year old games? I raise my kids, make sure they are loved, fed, clean, learn about the world, etc.... But I don't really play with them. As a kid I played with my siblings, my neighbors, or by myself - I thought that was usually what kids do?

If you don't play with your kids how do you teach them stuff? How do you encourage their imagination? How do you show them how stuff works, model good manners, sharing, and problem solving? How do you spend quality time with them? To them, play time is the holy grail of quality time.

I can not imagine not playing with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with many of the posters here. My DS is special needs. When we sought an autism specialist he said to do floor time, and much of that involved pretend play. DS had difficulty with this, especially initiating the pretend play or taking it father. But as the years went by we stuck with it and he improved. So it appears that neurotypical children (healthy children like yours) do this automatically without much coaching. And that your DD actually is initiating and even taking the lead and being "bossy" is indication to me that she is remarkably intelligent and creative. It's something you want to encourage, not stifle or stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.

My kids rarely ask me to play with them. Is your daughter in preschool? If not, maybe you should consider it, as perhaps she needs another outlet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, that sounds really boring. I wouldn't do it. I have a 4 year old - I am 33 - why would I play 4 year old games? I raise my kids, make sure they are loved, fed, clean, learn about the world, etc.... But I don't really play with them. As a kid I played with my siblings, my neighbors, or by myself - I thought that was usually what kids do?

It's what the should do provided that they have other playmates, which they often don't have anymore...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the exact opposite. I believe kids learn things through repetition, so am happy to indulge it. My LO doesn't have trouble playing with other kids, so I figure why not let her have an environment where she can experiment with controlling both sides. But she starts making changes herself after a while and I would find the game equally boring if she didn't tell me what to do, so it doesn't really make a difference to me.

Not OP but I thought the same thing as you until my 4 year old would get full out frustrated and angry when I didn't say things "just right" and since I'm not a mind-reader--it wasn't fun for anyone. I also tell her that I will be the queen to her snow white (I do a great wicked queen cackle) and I will follow the story but I can't say things exactly. She wasn't happy at first but now she is. Compromise--meet her halfway. And she does plenty of independent play too, we just also do this.

They want things "just right" because it is one of the few times in their lives as a four yr old that they can truly control ANYTHING. It is their chance to "be the boss" , so to speak. Indulge them. The stage passes more quickly that way. You are NOT teaching them to be bossy by letting them dictate the way they play with their parents, or other adults close to them. They will act differently with children in most cases.
Frankly I see it as a chance to infuse manners, gently, into the play time with them. In a upbeat and playful way. I don't tell them I won't play with them unless I get my way too.

Yeah but she gets angry when I don't do things to her exact specifications even when I try, it just turns into frustration city not because I'm not indulging but literally because I can't read her mind. We play snow white 8-10 times in a row where I play the queen, the mirror, the dwarves, the queen as a hag, the dwarves again and then the prince. She is always just snow white . We do it the same way each time but before she would say "now you say this" and if I had one word wrong she'd dissolve into tears (she's a high string kid). So my compromise is that I will act out our "play" and we essentially do it the same way each time but she can't tell me what to say. It's a good compromise because she's no longer flipping out when I don't try to follow her exact script.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with many of the posters here. My DS is special needs. When we sought an autism specialist he said to do floor time, and much of that involved pretend play. DS had difficulty with this, especially initiating the pretend play or taking it father. But as the years went by we stuck with it and he improved. So it appears that neurotypical children (healthy children like yours) do this automatically without much coaching. And that your DD actually is initiating and even taking the lead and being "bossy" is indication to me that she is remarkably intelligent and creative. It's something you want to encourage, not stifle or stop.

No, being bossy is not something you want to encourage. Kids don't need to be the boss of everything and everyone and it irritates siblings, friends, teachers, parents and pretty much means that no one wants to play with them. Your situation and reasons for engaging in pretend play are pretty different and are part of a therapeutic / treatment to address his needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to come off pretty badly here. My daughter is constantly asking me to play pretend with her, but it's always in exactly the same somewhat bossy way. As in "You say [this]" so that she can act out her little story, interjecting to tell me my next line, and getting annoyed when I don't say it exactly the way she did.

I'm kind of fed up with it. It's the exact same thing, over and over again. It's bossy. And it's boring. I love to engage in pretend play, like building blanket forts and saying they're castles, playing queen and princess at meals (the princess has lovely table manners), doing funny voices with stuffed animals, etc. But this "now YOU say..." just rubs me the wrong way.

How scarred will she be if I just shut this game down once and for all? Knowing her, I can't do a once a day policy, because she'll beg and plead and whine if given any leeway. It needs to be full stop. But it feels mean to do that... this is her very most favorite "game", and has been for several months.

My kids rarely ask me to play with them. Is your daughter in preschool? If not, maybe you should consider it, as perhaps she needs another outlet.