Did you call the other betrayed spouse?

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]09/23/2013 01:04
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Anonymous
I am just over five months from discovering my husbands five year affair and I have not told the other betrayed spouse. My reasons are many, as are my reasons for telling. I remain in limbo and wish I had done it in my first months of Agony. I DO think he deserves to know AND after experiencing such Agony, I cannot bring myself to unleash it on another person. I hope to find a way to have him discover the truth without my telling him. But how?
[Post New]09/23/2013 12:58
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Anonymous
Yeah ...and then realized that his whoring wife and my whoring husband were ugly and deserved each other.

Now I am married to the hot spouse of my ex's fling...

And he is handsome, rich and satisfies me in bed...

sincerely, Shania Twain.
[Post New]09/24/2013 08:02
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Anonymous
I did not turn in the other woman who was involved with my husband. I didn't want to be responsible for setting off a bomb in her marriage, since she had children. I thought of myself as a better person than she is for refraining from destroying the family of those kids like mine was destroyed.

I did, however, contact her pastor (gotta love the internet, facebook). She had this perfect goody two shoes persona and I felt vindicated in turning her over to SOMEONE. The pastor assured me the woman would be counseled and helped, not ostracized.
[Post New]09/24/2013 08:02
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yeah ...and then realized that his whoring wife and my whoring husband were ugly and deserved each other.

Now I am married to the hot spouse of my ex's fling...

And he is handsome, rich and satisfies me in bed...

sincerely, Shania Twain.


Yeah, that really is a sweet, satisfying story
[Post New]09/24/2013 08:04
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think I would give the other woman the option of telling her husband first before I did. I would think he deserves to know. It may break up their marriage and it may not but the betrayed spouse should be able to at least make the decision to stay or not. I would hope that someone would do the same for me. I would want to know.


Make sure you give a copy of all the evidence to your attorney first. And TELL the person you are basically blackmailing that your lawyer has it all and if anything suspicious should occur, the lawyer will turn everything over to the police.

I know it's crazy but, people ARE crazy.
[Post New]09/24/2013 08:10
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Anonymous
"I think I would give the other woman the option of telling her husband first before I did."

How do you verify this?
[Post New]09/24/2013 08:44
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Anonymous
I would tell the betrayed spouse - not contact the one the one in the affair. More likely the affair won't go underground if parties on both sides are aware, and I would want someone to tell me if my husband was having an affair so I could make informed decisions about my marriage. And also get tested for the sake of my health.
[Post New]09/24/2013 09:28
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think I would give the other woman the option of telling her husband first before I did. I would think he deserves to know. It may break up their marriage and it may not but the betrayed spouse should be able to at least make the decision to stay or not. I would hope that someone would do the same for me. I would want to know.


Make sure you give a copy of all the evidence to your attorney first. And TELL the person you are basically blackmailing that your lawyer has it all and if anything suspicious should occur, the lawyer will turn everything over to the police.

I know it's crazy but, people ARE crazy.


"basically blackmailing"? Interesting distortion of the dynamic.
[Post New]09/24/2013 09:45
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Anonymous
Why waste the negative energy by focusing on someone else's marriage? Focus your energy on healing yourself - whether that means fixing your marriage or leaving the spouse that cheated on you. Isn't that enough to have on one's plate and one time? No need to create even more drama.
[Post New]09/24/2013 12:00
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Anonymous
I would contact the other betrayed spouse for one simple reason, I would want her or him to be on notice that they had to keep tabs on their cheating spouse and keep them in check from here on out.

Thus alerted, it would make it less likely that the cheater would ever seek out my spouse again.
[Post New]09/24/2013 12:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I would contact the other betrayed spouse for one simple reason, I would want her or him to be on notice that they had to keep tabs on their cheating spouse and keep them in check from here on out.

Thus alerted, it would make it less likely that the cheater would ever seek out my spouse again.


Or PP could focus on improving his/her relationship with his/her spouse so the spouse doesn't feel the desire to cheat. Other temptations will always be out there if you don't fix your relationship with your spouse.
[Post New]09/24/2013 14:08
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Anonymous
If I am ever cheated on I would take a long look at my marriage...I refuse to buy the crap"oh!! she is a b!tch..she manipulated and conned my husband"...I would just blame my husband for betraying me, the kids, our life...The other marriage is none of my business....I would not call up the other spouse because for me its would just be an act of revenge ....
[Post New]09/24/2013 15:08
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I would contact the other betrayed spouse for one simple reason, I would want her or him to be on notice that they had to keep tabs on their cheating spouse and keep them in check from here on out.

Thus alerted, it would make it less likely that the cheater would ever seek out my spouse again.


I agree, a two-front counterattack strategy is necessary.

On one front you do as PP suggests, contact the other aggrieved spouse to inform them that their spouse is cheating. This will hopefully motivate the other aggrieved spouse to address and work on the problems that may be going on in that marriage. It will also mean that the other cheating spouse has to face up to the consequences of their cheating, after all, why let them get off so easy with their secret still intact?

On the second front, as many PPs have stated, you begin to work on and address the issues in your own marriage to hopefully prevent your cheating spouse from having a relapse.
[Post New]09/25/2013 12:41
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polychromatic
Member

Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What a monumentally stupid idea. Absolutely nothing good can come from it.



Maybe not... but an eye for an eye...

I'm sure I'd be so pissed that I wouldn't care if anything good came from it or not.


An eye for an eye until everyone is blind?

The only time one should think about this is if health/safety (and a neutral 3rd party doctor would agree with you , not just well I think.. kind of thing) reasons come into play.
[Post New]09/25/2013 12:47
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Why waste the negative energy by focusing on someone else's marriage? Focus your energy on healing yourself - whether that means fixing your marriage or leaving the spouse that cheated on you. Isn't that enough to have on one's plate and one time? No need to create even more drama.


+1

People eventually get what they deserve. My H cheated, didn't tell because I found out years after the fact.

Take the high road, you'll never regret it.
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