Did you call the other betrayed spouse?

[Anonymous]

If your spouse admitted to you that s/he had an affair with someone who was married, did you call the other betrayed spouse to let them know?

If so, why did you make that call and how did it go?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you're asking, but this happened to me except I was the spouse who was called (by the husband of the woman who slept with my husband). I don't know why he called. He did it under the guise of morality - of feeling that I should know. But I suspect it had more to do with his wife pressuring him to relieve some of her own guilt and that he wanted to punish my husband. The conversation went horribly, and went even more horribly when he insisted upon repeatedly calling me to make sure that I had received what he perceived to be the full and accurate story. It reflected miserably on him and his wife and made me think even less of them than I did already, which was to say, not much at all.

Why are you asking?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. This sounds like revenge, which never ends well, and reflects a poor character. If you are going through a betrayal, I feel for your pain.

However, you must gather the courage to take the high road. The other marriage is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

What about calling the other betrayer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking, but this happened to me except I was the spouse who was called (by the husband of the woman who slept with my husband). I don't know why he called. He did it under the guise of morality - of feeling that I should know. But I suspect it had more to do with his wife pressuring him to relieve some of her own guilt and that he wanted to punish my husband. The conversation went horribly, and went even more horribly when he insisted upon repeatedly calling me to make sure that I had received what he perceived to be the full and accurate story. It reflected miserably on him and his wife and made me think even less of them than I did already, which was to say, not much at all.

Why are you asking?

im not op and out of curiousity, why did you continue to accept his calls after the first time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking, but this happened to me except I was the spouse who was called (by the husband of the woman who slept with my husband). I don't know why he called. He did it under the guise of morality - of feeling that I should know. But I suspect it had more to do with his wife pressuring him to relieve some of her own guilt and that he wanted to punish my husband. The conversation went horribly, and went even more horribly when he insisted upon repeatedly calling me to make sure that I had received what he perceived to be the full and accurate story. It reflected miserably on him and his wife and made me think even less of them than I did already, which was to say, not much at all.

Why are you asking?

im not op and out of curiousity, why did you continue to accept his calls after the first time?

I'm the PP you're quoting and in retrospect I guess I should have just ignored him. I was hardly in a state of mind to be thinkig clearly - it was most definitely the worst I have felt in my entire life. The second time he contacted me, I told him to stop contacting me. Then they contacted me twice more, the final call basically started and ended with me screaming to at the very least have the decency to leave me alone, laced with various profanities. And I'm not a screamer. That was pretty much that.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I haven't called the "other woman" or her betrayed spouse and have no interest in doing so. None of my business what happens in their marriage. I worry about my end of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking, but this happened to me except I was the spouse who was called (by the husband of the woman who slept with my husband). I don't know why he called. He did it under the guise of morality - of feeling that I should know. But I suspect it had more to do with his wife pressuring him to relieve some of her own guilt and that he wanted to punish my husband. The conversation went horribly, and went even more horribly when he insisted upon repeatedly calling me to make sure that I had received what he perceived to be the full and accurate story. It reflected miserably on him and his wife and made me think even less of them than I did already, which was to say, not much at all.

Why are you asking?

im not op and out of curiousity, why did you continue to accept his calls after the first time?

I'm the PP you're quoting and in retrospect I guess I should have just ignored him. I was hardly in a state of mind to be thinkig clearly - it was most definitely the worst I have felt in my entire life. The second time he contacted me, I told him to stop contacting me. Then they contacted me twice more, the final call basically started and ended with me screaming to at the very least have the decency to leave me alone, laced with various profanities. And I'm not a screamer. That was pretty much that.

oh ok thanks.

yeah im amazed you didnt cuss him out the first time. and then they both called you together after that? sheesh. im a man so if god forbid that happened, i wouldnt bother calling anyone involved. seems like theres no point

[Anonymous]

I'm 13:19. There have been other threads where everyone says that if their spouse was cheating on them they'd want someone to tell them. And I think I still agree with that. I think a person who is considering telling the other betrayed spouse though needs to take a good close look at why they want to tell. In my case, I know (or am reasonably sure due to knowing this man and not thinking much of him even prior to the situation) that he called to tell me for purely selfish reasons and because his wife was trying to relieve her guilt by doing the "moral" thing by telling me. In their case, if they were decent people, they would have realized that they were contacting me for their own reasons and that I probably had enough on my plate and would have left me alone. In other cases, I suppose I could see wanting to tell someone their spouse was cheating purely for benevolent reasons, in which case, I'd say telling was a good choice. It's really situational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 13:19. There have been other threads where everyone says that if their spouse was cheating on them they'd want someone to tell them. And I think I still agree with that. I think a person who is considering telling the other betrayed spouse though needs to take a good close look at why they want to tell. In my case, I know (or am reasonably sure due to knowing this man and not thinking much of him even prior to the situation) that he called to tell me for purely selfish reasons and because his wife was trying to relieve her guilt by doing the "moral" thing by telling me. In their case, if they were decent people, they would have realized that they were contacting me for their own reasons and that I probably had enough on my plate and would have left me alone. In other cases, I suppose I could see wanting to tell someone their spouse was cheating purely for benevolent reasons, in which case, I'd say telling was a good choice. It's really situational.

Did you already know before that call came in?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did. Thankfully. It was already an incredibly painful time that haunts me even today. I can't imagine how it would have been if that call had come out of the blue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. Thankfully. It was already an incredibly painful time that haunts me even today. I can't imagine how it would have been if that call had come out of the blue.

Phew. I was really (additionally0 horrified for you for a second there, and am glad that at least you already knew.

[Anonymous]

**(additionally)**

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. it was pretty horrifying

[Anonymous]

A friend of my parents had this happen. It happened after all of the dust had settled--the betrayed husband just wanted someone to talk to and he called the betrayed wife just to talk. Fast forward 25 years and both couples are now remarried to the opposite spouse. Worked out great actually--both sets of kids just went with one another when they had to go to the other parents house and all four kids are still really close. I think everyone has gotten over the initial hurt and the four parents even get along. It took a long time but it has all worked out for the best.

Not saying this is the norm though.....