What are the odds of a long lost love working out again?
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Anonymous
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Coming into my late 40's and when I was 22, dated someone for a little over a year. I truly loved him and he introduced me to many things - intellectual, sexual, and some of his hobbies and interests. A very good listener and compassionate guy. Ended it with him after he came back from a long business trip because I felt that although we were very close, how we approached life was completely different and that it was not going to lead to a long-term situation.
He was pretty brokenhearted and although we bumped into each other a couple of times on the street, had never talked or had any type of communication for over 20 years until a week ago when I was walking into a restaurant and I hear someone say hello to me. He looked the same but had less hair and was actually more muscular than I remembered. Anyway, we had lunch together and then met after work and talked for a few hours. On my way back home I started crying. Both of us are divorced with kids in high school and it was as if time never moved. I felt for the first time in a long time that someone understood me and I wasn't just talking into empty air. My question is, anyone know if these type of things routinely work out or it's a once-in-a-blue moon thing? You know, they meet, their kids meet, and everyone lives happily ever after? To some degree I feel like some lonely middle-aged woman grasping at straws, but what if there really is something there? What if we were just too young? He left it by saying that it was nice talking to me without any let's keep in touch hints at all. Also, we didn't talk about whether we were seeing anyone because it was not that type of conversation. So what should I do? I know he would never initiate something because his pride was hurt years ago but I would really like to at the least have him as a friend because we were once important parts of each other's lives. |
Anonymous
| The romantic in me says go for it. You have everything to gain. |
Anonymous
| Is how you approach life still completely different? |
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
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| Sure it does happen, but remember that right now you are more attracted to your memory of him than him now. You might as well have to start all over again learning about each other. Will it work? sorry my crystal ball is currently being cleaned so I have no idea and ultimately no one does. but it is worth taking the chance. |
Anonymous
| Go for it. You have nothing to lose. |
Anonymous
| And, please keep us posted, as this is the stuff of romantic comedy movies. |
Anonymous
Agreed! *place popcorn in mocrowave* |
Anonymous
OP here. The great unknown. We did a lot of catching up. He was really hurt when we broke up and I would guess that he does not want to risk it happening again. It was a real mess when it ended. More of the strong, mostly silent type man but what I am planning to do is send him an email and just say that I would like to at least keep in touch and know what is going on in your life and keep the message at that. Funny thing is that a couple of months ago, my mother asked me if I knew where he was. And yes, I agree that it is more the memory of him that what he is now, although I believe that people really do not change much if at all. |
Anonymous
If you really want to see him again, you shouldn't start out by being so wishy washy. You hurt him last time. If I were him and you sent me that message, I might say that I too would like to keep in touch but I would still be waiting for you to suggest a lunch or dinner. That would be true whether I was open to friendship or something more. When you say approach life differently, what do you mean? Some ways would still matter and some won't, now that you are older and have kids. |
Anonymous
| Go for it. I dated my now husband for a short time in college. 6 years later, having long since forgotten about him, we reconnected by pure chance, realized we loved each other and were engaged within 4 months. And I don't regret a second of it. He's an awesome husband and father. |
Anonymous
| What do you have to lose? |
Anonymous
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I'd give it a chance, but keep your eyes open.
In starting something with someone from that time period, my own experience is that you can be more yourself with that person. They knew you before you were anything. You can say what you think and feel because you are not playing a role. On the other hand, the things that drove you apart may still be there. And he (or you) may have acquired new ways of thinking, feeling beliving, or being that clash, even if they did not before. Be careful and good luck. |
Anonymous
| My dad dumped his girlfriend in college and moved away. Married my mom, had 2 kids, they divorced 15 years ago after 10 years of marriage. 9 years ago, he reconnected with his former college girlfriend, who had also married and had a child and divorced in the meantime. They got married 8 years ago. She hates his family, including his parents and me and my sister, and has nothing to do with any of us, but they are still married. My dad has told us that her not wanting a relationship with his family has put a strain on their marriage, but I guess not enough of a strain to split up. So, I guess it could work out for you and your former love, so long as you make sure up front he's not going to expect you to turn your back on your family as soon as you're married. |
Anonymous
Our backgrounds are different. I am Protestant and he is Jewish (dad) and Catholic. He is very individualistic and believes being that way is an important part of who he is. For example, he has worked mostly for himself and said that corporate life is suffocating. I have always worked for big firms and would never do that. He is also much more into music and art than I ever was. Back in the day, he could name every band and loved talking about different music styles and where they originated. In my early twenties, I found him interesting and he is one of the kindest men you will ever meet. If you saw him in a social setting, you would consider him approachable and friendly. But in terms of a husband (stability, shared values, etc.) I just did not find him to be the one I would want to spend my life with. I thought he would someday get married but to someone more artsy. The reality is that seeing him has hit me like a bombshell. |
Anonymous
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Met my old lover in a grocery store... the snow was falling Christmas eve... (Just quoting from the "bad songs you love" post and I love that song.)
Seriously though, this could be amazing or a total train wreck. Nothing wrong with inviting him to lunch but do your best to keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. It already sounds like you're romanticizing the whole exchange. |