Is this a problem or is this ok? re: porn

post reply Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
[Post New]11/08/2011 13:17
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Anonymous
OP it sounds like you have a very healthy relationship. I wish my husband were more honest about what is going on. I have seen no evidence of porn (I mean, I haven't looked) but he seems less interested in sex and when we do have sex it takes him forever, which is becoming a problem for me. So if it's because he's subbed out porn for me, I'd like to know! (and I haven't let myself go in any way - I think I look damn good).

We have some issues to work out for sure. He is admitted depression and is in counseling so that may have something to do with it - I've been reading it can affect sex drive. Also we are exhausted with the usual work/parenting young kids thing. But if he was into porn I wish he'd TELL me. I'd be fine with it - no problems with porn (it's not really my thing but hey, I'd be open to it) and I think it's really normal for people to be into it (especially guys). I would resent secrecy but if he's honest, and it's clearly not interfering with your sex life, good for you guys.

[Post New]11/08/2011 13:17
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My is DW is ok with me"handling my buisness". We have 2 kids, but they are
6 years apart. The only problem she has if I look at something such as threesome interracial anal, then she does get testy. Black on black is fine for her. I'm sure there is some underlying issues with that genre of porn. I learned to not go there with her.Maybe it's the anal or the two girls w/ one guy or they are white. To keep peace in the house, I respect her wishes.




I wasn't judging you. I was just saying we are in the same boat. I just have be a little selective and respectful.
[Post New]11/08/2011 13:19
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Anonymous
13:17 - You could ask him to watch porn with you and see how that goes. He might be more willing to admit it to you if he knows for sure you're into it.
[Post New]11/08/2011 16:58
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Anonymous wrote:what if it's all anal porn


The reasonable posters have weighed in on the subject. Now bring on the trolls.

And what if it was? Maybe OP and DH enjoy that activity.


Anal troll porn FTW.


I'm new to DCUM. I'm an urban dad. What's Troll Porn?
[Post New]11/08/2011 17:44
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Anonymous wrote:what if it's all anal porn


The reasonable posters have weighed in on the subject. Now bring on the trolls.

And what if it was? Maybe OP and DH enjoy that activity.


Anal troll porn FTW.


I'm new to DCUM. I'm an urban dad. What's Troll Porn?



I don't know what it is but I definitely want to see it.
[Post New]11/08/2011 17:49
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Anonymous
OP, I could have written your post, minus the guilt!! when I'm too tired and DH heads downstairs to the computer, I'm just like, "bye Hon! Enjoy!".
[Post New]11/09/2011 11:34
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Anonymous
Sounds fine and normal to me. 3-4 times a week is awesome. We are more like 2-3 times a week. I used to have your DH's sex drive. Now I don't. 41 YO, and 2-3 times per week is good enough for me.
[Post New]11/09/2011 12:22
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Anonymous
Gettin' it six times per year max and still believe porn is wrong. Yes, it sucks, but "this is the business we have chosen." I really do believe that directing those valid sexual feelings into the porn channel would just make a bad situation worse. OP, daily recourse to porn would bother me although I could understand (if not be thrilled about) viewing it a few times each month.
[Post New]11/09/2011 12:34
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Gettin' it six times per year max and still believe porn is wrong. Yes, it sucks, but "this is the business we have chosen." I really do believe that directing those valid sexual feelings into the porn channel would just make a bad situation worse. OP, daily recourse to porn would bother me although I could understand (if not be thrilled about) viewing it a few times each month.


ok good, I thought I was the only one thinking that and also thought I was the only one that has a wife that doesn't want to do it 4 times day.
[Post New]11/09/2011 14:13
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gettin' it six times per year max and still believe porn is wrong. Yes, it sucks, but "this is the business we have chosen." I really do believe that directing those valid sexual feelings into the porn channel would just make a bad situation worse. OP, daily recourse to porn would bother me although I could understand (if not be thrilled about) viewing it a few times each month.


ok good, I thought I was the only one thinking that and also thought I was the only one that has a wife that doesn't want to do it 4 times day.


Sorry PP but I am a DW. Hubby always tired. I would be happy with sex 4-5 times per week.
[Post New]11/09/2011 14:20
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ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Still, if you are in a relationship that is cursed by mismatched desires then masterbating to porn is better than looking up profiles on Ashley Madison.
[Post New]11/10/2011 02:54
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Anonymous
TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.
[Post New]11/10/2011 07:26
quote
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.


I'm not going to get involved in this debate again. You say that pornography and masterbation leave you unfufilled and in your case I suppose that is true. However for many others it takes the edge off the desire and the physical craving for orgasm especially when the spouse is unable or even worse unwilling to engage in mutually engaging and loving sex.

I also stand by my earlier statement that in every case it is better that someone engages in solo masterbation with or without the assistance of porn be it a movie or an erotic story than end up feeling so horny that they go looking for another to cheat with.
[Post New]11/10/2011 07:33
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Anonymous
This is OP, and while I appreciate that some people feel that porn is wrong in all cases, your point that porn increases frustration in a sexless marriage seems out of place since my husband and I clearly do not have a sexless marriage.
[Post New]11/10/2011 17:18
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:TSFG, In other posts I have detailed the exploitative aspect of porn that troubles me. Aside from that, in my experience masturbating and porn increase sexual desire and frustration, which is the last thing you need if you are in a sexless marriage. I find it easier to cope in a life completely devoid of sex in any form than one with frequent but unfulfilling solo orgasms. But I am a woman. Perhaps a man in a sexless marriage could not take this route.



This is one of the most depressing things I have ever read in my life. And I am a woman. You are intentionally killing off a very important part of yourself because it's better than any alternative you can think of. I am not judging you-- I have no idea what I would do if I were you. But this makes me sad.
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