DD sent to office at daycare, WDYT?

Anonymous
Went to pick up the kids today and DD (just turned four) was in the office. Apparently she pulled down her pants on the playground. She told them she was playing "baby". Seemed like a reasonable explaination to me since we have a new baby in the house. She was crying and told me she was sorry. The woman in the office said that she had talked to her about when it is appropriate to pull down pants, etc. I think she handled it fine. What upset me is that she was in the office. I asked if they had tried time out in the classroom first and she said that for something like this they come to the office. If they just put DD in time out in the room I'm sure it would have been enough for her not to do it again. She has been in time out once that I know of and she was so upset that they couldn't get her out of time out. I ask DD who took her to the office and she told me the teacher's name and that the teacher told her she was in "trouble". I agree that she can't pull her pants down in public but I don't want her to think she was bad when what she did was so innocent. She cried most the way home about how it was a bad day. I know DD isn't perfect but I feel like going to the office for this was a bit extreme. It makes my heart hurt for her.

Briefly spoke with DH about it since he is at work. We are going to talk more about it later. We are also going to ask some questions (like was she touching anyone or did she just drop her pants). Initial thoughts are that we say something to the director or ask what policy it was that sent her to the office. DD is just sooo upset.

Are we overreacting? As a teacher I wouldn't even send a first grader to time out for that. I would just be like don't do it again. WWYD?
Anonymous
I'd talk to DD about stripping on the playground and how she shouldn't do it for less than twenty bucks.

JK. I think you're equating preschool with higher grade levels; at least in my daycare/preschool, kids who need special attention go to the office. They may be really really upset because they got in trouble and unable to calm down (sounds like your DD), or they may be sick and waiting for pickup, or they got in a fight with another kid (whether or not they were the instigator), or they may just be delightful and get to help out the directors for a while. So it's not a REALLY REALLY BAD thing at my center, it's more of a tool to remove them from the classroom environment for a little while.

I'd just talk to your DD, talk to the teacher about why it was such a big deal (maybe she was warned 12 times and didn't listen), and let it go. It's better than reading 'My daycare didn't do anything when my 4yo streaked the playground!'
Anonymous
Heh. My kid (also 4) gets sent to the office on a fairly regularly basis (like once every few months). I don't think "that" is a big deal. But they just say, "Joey, I think you need to go see Miss Mary." It functions as a time out because my son's day care isn't allowed to do time outs (apparently against NAEYC regulations?).

I'm more concerned with your daughter's teacher who told her she was "in trouble." Discipline should still be a teaching moment, not a punishment moment. Practically speaking, it often "is" a punishment, but it shouldn't be framed like that. Have a chat in the office about when it's OK to be naked (home) and when it's not (school).

Anonymous
I'm more concerned with your daughter's teacher who told her she was "in trouble." Discipline should still be a teaching moment, not a punishment moment.


agree w/ this. It's smart for the director to have a chat w/ her about what's appropriate and not. It's not right for a teacher to say she's "in trouble" for something pretty innocent like this.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to DD about stripping on the playground and how she shouldn't do it for less than twenty bucks.

JK. I think you're equating preschool with higher grade levels; at least in my daycare/preschool, kids who need special attention go to the office. They may be really really upset because they got in trouble and unable to calm down (sounds like your DD), or they may be sick and waiting for pickup, or they got in a fight with another kid (whether or not they were the instigator), or they may just be delightful and get to help out the directors for a while. So it's not a REALLY REALLY BAD thing at my center, it's more of a tool to remove them from the classroom environment for a little while.

I'd just talk to your DD, talk to the teacher about why it was such a big deal (maybe she was warned 12 times and didn't listen), and let it go. It's better than reading 'My daycare didn't do anything when my 4yo streaked the playground!'


My experience is similar to this poster. Both my DDs have been in the office at their daycare mulitple times, usually for an elevated infraction of some sort. If it is for misbehaving it is to emphasize that whatever was done is not allowed and remove them from the fun in the classroom for more than a timeout. Neither or my children were, however, traumatized by visiting the office.

It sounds like your DD is pretty sensitive and you should talk to the teachers and/or director about that. If a timeout gets through to your DD, they may not need to escalate or if they need to for consistency among kids they may want to be a little gentler in the discussion with her.
cuzimawesome
Member Offline
Yeah, I agree that the teacher saying that your daughter was "in trouble" is bothersome. And I know it's heartbreaking to see your daughter so upset. But whether she had a time out in the classroom or in the office, wouldn't make a difference to me. A time out is a time out no matter the location. I would be more concerned with how they talked to your daughter about the situation.
Anonymous
if it was a consistent behavior on your DD part, or if she had done something inappropriate to another kid, then sending to office would have been justified. Otherwise I think that your daycare ppl are overreacting over a simple random innocent act.
Anonymous
Oh please, DD knew better than to strip on the playground and of course she is sad to get in trouble. But she is absolutely fine.

You need to support the authority of the administrator and the teacher. By undermining them, you are sending the message to DD that they are not really in charge and rules don't have to be followed. Little kids are black and white thinkers at this stage and can't absorb any gray concepts.

So you are either supporting the teacher and telling DD that she did a bad thing (reminding her that SHE is not bad, but she does have to follow rules) or you are teaching her that to get out of trouble, all she has to do is play on your guilt over sibling rivalry and the new baby.

Which message do you really want to send OP?
Anonymous
I think she was probably sent to the office so that they could talk to her about it outside the purview of the other students. I think sending her to time out would signal that she was "in trouble," just as much as going to the office would. She probably picked up on the severity of the issue by the tone of the administrator's voice -- even though she told you the teacher said she was in trouble, it's possible she simply equated the office with "trouble" and was not actually told that. My 7 year old told me he "got in trouble" and was sent to the principle's office for not wearing a coat on a day that suddenly turned cold. When I asked the teacher about it, she told me that she was unable to sit in the classroom during recess with the kids who didn't bring jackets that day, so she sent them to the principle's office to hang out until recess was over -- they weren't in trouble by any means, but because they went to the office, they thought they were in trouble.
Anonymous
Seriously. A four year old who pulls down their pants should be told to pull up their pants and no further issue should be made of it. Seems like even time out would be a huge over reaction.
Anonymous
OP, the daycare worker who sent your child to the office does not seem to me to have good knowledge of individual children. She should have known that your child did not need such treatment in order to modify her behavior.

I'm also concerend that the daycare worker doesn't have a sense of what is developmentally appropriate behavior versus what is willful exhibitionism. No, kids shouldn't strip on the playground, but yes it happens and they don't need to be sent to the office for this unless they do it repeatedly and nothing else the daycare worker has done has worked.


Anonymous
I tell my daughter that the teachers in daycare are the boss and to listen to them. She respects that. Stop undermining their authority - or choose a different daycare.
Anonymous
For me it would depend on how long your child was in the office. You didn't mention that. If she was in there for most of the day than I would think that was over the top. If it was for a short period, I'd say no big deal. Children are sensitive. It's also possible that the teacher asked your child to pull her pants up more than just once and when your DD refused that's when she said 'You are going to get into trouble'. Maybe the teacher was referring to your child not listening and not the actual act of pulling down her pants. You need more information. I think you should withhold judgment until you speak directly with the teacher. The director wasn't there and you never get the full story from a 4 year old.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I tell my daughter that the teachers in daycare are the boss and to listen to them. She respects that. Stop undermining their authority - or choose a different daycare.


I have to agree. If the philosophy doesn't match yours, it's not a good fit. We pulled our daughter from one b/c they were too loosey goosey for our tastes. We found a second that was much stricter, which was fine by us.

At 4, personally, I don't think a kid should be shamed in any way, but she should be taught what's appropriate and what's not.
Anonymous
OP, 4 year olds are not reliable witnesses. The teacher who brought her to the office may or may not have used the words that your daughter was in "trouble". Obviously your DD interpreted it that way, but she may have just said that "we have to go to the office" or something.

Was your daughter's behavior within the norm of age appropriate behavior? Sure. But put yourself in the daycare's position. If a child is taking her clothes off on the playground, no matter how innocent, they need to take it seriously. The way they handled it sounds entirely appropriate.

It sounds like your DD is quite sensitive. While I know as a parent it hurts to see your child upset, I think you'd be better trying to help your child roll with the punches a bit more rather than trying to change what the day care is doing. This is the first of probably many times throughout her school career that your DD will be in "trouble" with the teacher. Resilience is not a trait that comes naturally to all, but as a parent it will benefit your child tremendously to help her build this skill.

I say this as a child who was very sensitive myself, BTW. When I got upset about this kind of stuff, my parents were very matter-of-fact about it. "Well, it sounds like you did something you weren't supposed to be doing, sweetie. Tomorrow is a new day." It was a good way to approach it, I think.
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