DD sent to office at daycare, WDYT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my daughter that the teachers in daycare are the boss and to listen to them. She respects that. Stop undermining their authority - or choose a different daycare.

Actually, choosing a different daycare does sound like a good option. I don't think their reaction to your child's misbehavior was a good one, in this case. If this kind of reactino happens a lot, it's not a good place for a sensitive child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, 4 year olds are not reliable witnesses. The teacher who brought her to the office may or may not have used the words that your daughter was in "trouble". Obviously your DD interpreted it that way, but she may have just said that "we have to go to the office" or something.

Was your daughter's behavior within the norm of age appropriate behavior? Sure. But put yourself in the daycare's position. If a child is taking her clothes off on the playground, no matter how innocent, they need to take it seriously. The way they handled it sounds entirely appropriate.

Actually, no, they don't need to take a 4 year old's pulling down her pants or whatever it was, all that seriously. She's four. It's not the end of the world. Yeah, they need to tell her "Put your clothes back on; we don't do that on the playground." But they don't need to shame her or send her to the office unless she refuses to do what she's been told.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be unfortunate if your daycare responded to her pulling down her pants as if she had done something dirty or shameful. It should be treated like any other inappropriate behavior. They should not communicate that it is a "freak out offense" just because it involves nudity, private parts, etc.

[Anonymous]

I actually feel for the daycare on this one. Nudity kind of is a serious issue for them, because kids taking their pants off can be a liability issue. What if a kid kept doing this and was taking pants off while one-on-one with a teacher? If the kid went on to tell parents about all the time they spend pants off around Miss whoever, this could easily be reported and the teacher would be investigated for sexual abuse.

[cuzimawesome]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my daughter that the teachers in daycare are the boss and to listen to them. She respects that. Stop undermining their authority - or choose a different daycare.

To an extent. Of course the child should listen to the teachers and do what she is told, but if a child feels uncomfortable they should able to talk to their parents... and the parents may need to intervene if it is felt that inappropriate actions were taken. I respect preschool teachers and daycare workers immensely, but there are a few bad seeds just like in any profession... and the parents should listen to their child and be aware of situations, especially disciplinary ones. A four year old child may not get the story completely straight, but the parents know that child more than anybody else and can tell if something is off. The parents are the advocate for the child, and must intervene when necessary. It is also so very very important to teach your child to stand up for themselves if something doesn't feel right.

With that said, I don't think this particular situation is all that concerning. I might mention to the teacher or the head of the school that the wording was inappropriate, but other then that I don't see any cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, choosing a different daycare does sound like a good option. I don't think their reaction to your child's misbehavior was a good one, in this case. If this kind of reactino happens a lot, it's not a good place for a sensitive child.

Actually, I'd be careful about choosing a different daycare especially if this is the only time she's been sent to the office and not a recurring event. You mentioned your dd is very sensitive. At 4, the stress and emotional trauma of new teachers, friends, routines, etc. could be harder on your dd than a one-time "bad day" at daycare. Especially if she's going to go to kindergarten in a few months anyway. We had this happen with our ds. he's also really sensitive and our daycare did some stuff we didn't like so we switched him out. But it took like 4 months for him to adjust - he regressed, had sleep issues, temper tantrums and even a few potty accidents because we took him out of his comfort zone and plopped him in a completely new environment.

I don't think it's worth it to switch her out only to have her switch out to kindergarten in 5 months anyway.

and fwiw, our new preschool puts our ds in time-out in the office all.the.time. It's annoying and an overreaction (in our opinion) and is making our ds feel really bad. I mean, one time our ds was sent to the office for hitting another kid. That's fine and I agree. But, the next day, another kid hit our ds. the kid was sent to the office - but so was ds. I was furious because the day before the victim wasn't sent to the office with our ds - just our ds. So, it was like our ds is being sent to the office whether he's the hitter or the victim. UGH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, 4 year olds are not reliable witnesses. The teacher who brought her to the office may or may not have used the words that your daughter was in "trouble". Obviously your DD interpreted it that way, but she may have just said that "we have to go to the office" or something.

Was your daughter's behavior within the norm of age appropriate behavior? Sure. But put yourself in the daycare's position. If a child is taking her clothes off on the playground, no matter how innocent, they need to take it seriously. The way they handled it sounds entirely appropriate.

It sounds like your DD is quite sensitive. While I know as a parent it hurts to see your child upset, I think you'd be better trying to help your child roll with the punches a bit more rather than trying to change what the day care is doing. This is the first of probably many times throughout her school career that your DD will be in "trouble" with the teacher. Resilience is not a trait that comes naturally to all, but as a parent it will benefit your child tremendously to help her build this skill.

I say this as a child who was very sensitive myself, BTW. When I got upset about this kind of stuff, my parents were very matter-of-fact about it. "Well, it sounds like you did something you weren't supposed to be doing, sweetie. Tomorrow is a new day." It was a good way to approach it, I think.

Can't OP do both? A lot of PPs have mentioned that OP is underming daycare's authority, but I don't get that impression from OP. It is OK to teach your daughter to listen and follow the rules and respect those in charge, while at the same time making sure that the behavioral expectations and consequences are reasonable. Being an active participant in your child's development does not mean that you are undermining anyone's authority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually feel for the daycare on this one. Nudity kind of is a serious issue for them, because kids taking their pants off can be a liability issue. What if a kid kept doing this and was taking pants off while one-on-one with a teacher? If the kid went on to tell parents about all the time they spend pants off around Miss whoever, this could easily be reported and the teacher would be investigated for sexual abuse.

What? I can see if you were talking about kids running around completly naked, but what do you think happens when they go to the bathroom? They pull their pants down in front of the teacher. What happens when their clothes get dirty/wet and they have to change. They get naked in front of the teacher AND the teacher may even have to touch the child to try to help get them dressed. When my son's class goes swimming, they all change in front of the teachers and the parents there helping.

I could see your point with older kids, but kids almost have to be partially naked in front of teachers at preschool.