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Giving up career for a family life?
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Anonymous
Children will remember the love and time spent together long after you are gone and it will make them better parents; toys and other junk won't be given a second thought. Wise man and wise decision. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the replies.
I am SAHM and have always and will support any decision he makes. I guess I'm just worried that if he doesn't stick with the upper management he might regret it later. He has the new job already lined up and the salary would be the same. I could still stay home and take the kids to/from school and the activities. Currently we travel quite a bit, but we have already decided to concentrate on our family on wknds. No visits to grandparents because they want to see the kids. |
Anonymous
What a wonderful, thoughtful post! |
Anonymous
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If the salary is not a concern, I say go for it. He clearly cares enough to have given it serious thought and to be willing to give it a try; if you don't try, you'll never know.
My husband made a similar choice last year to not apply for management jobs in anticipation of the birth of our first child. (Restructuring led to a number of management positions coming open at once, and he was strongly encouraged by his boss at the time.) The baby hasn't even arrived yet and it's already been invaluable to have slightly more time each evening, and we're already talking about structuring some telework for him once his leave is over (which can't be used for direct child care, but will add about three hours of family time into his day counting his commute plus lunch). I say for everyone, if you can live on the income you'll be getting (and in many cases you can live on less than you think), you never lose by choosing more time away from the office. It doesn't even have to be all about the children; more time at home is that much more time that each of you can trade off child care duties and get time to yourself or with friends. It took a long time to break the grad school mold of all-work-all-the-time, but now that we're both out of that mindset it's really hard to imagine living that way. |
Anonymous
| His salary would be the same? Yes, he should do it! |
Anonymous
Aren't grandparents an important part of family? I don't understand why you would not visit them so they can see their grandchildren. |
aprilmayjune
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| I was wondering this also. |
Anonymous
| I think PP just means that she wants more quality time with DCs. Our parents are in the area, and we love them and the relationship they are developing with DS. When we see them, though, they kind of 'hog' DC, so if we spend a weekend there, it doesn't feel like we've gotten enough time with DC. We don't want to discourage them and love them too, but we have had to set aside more time for just ourselves. |
Anonymous
| I gave up a very high profile, very rewarding government job to take a position equivalent to one I had ten years ago for the sole reason of working closer to home. It was the best decision I ever made. I didn't give up my career, I just made a different choice. My self-worth identity aren't tied to my job title and position. I like the kind of work I do and at times miss being a decision maker but I'm at an age that I know what's really important to me. It's definitely not climbing up the ladder. I relish the extra time I have with the kids and after they go to bed, I'm enjoying my time with my DH and not thinking about the office at all. When the kids get older I can always go back. |
Anonymous
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Just realize that by doing this, your DH may never get another upper management job bc his decision will be questioned. It is a career-altering decision. It is simply not the same as a woman doing it. This is not to say it is not worth doing it, but please understand the consequences, not just as his current place of employment, but beyond. My BIL made this decision and has regretted it ever since.
Just to add: I always thought I admired high powered men, but once I had kids, I realized I admire much much more, men who make a decent living, but whose family is the priority. (My husband is in the medical field, making a good, but no great, salary, but is the abolutely BEST father). Just my two cents, based on 20 years on the corporate world. |
Anonymous
| Another consideration: I saw an article yesterday that said high income/long hours working men were so much more likely to die young from heart attacks, that you should really think about keeping DH's stress level down. It's not worth climbing the ladder to make more money if you keel over before you get to spend it. |
Anonymous
OP here: grandparents are very important part of a family BUT we are the only ones making the 6-8 hr trip to visit them. They live in different states so every several weeks or so we make the trip with two toddlers and a dog to visit them. We've lived in DC area for over 3 yrs and they each visited us once a year. They are young grandparents, they can definitely make the trip. I didn't mean no visits as cutting them out of our lives, but less travel. Sorry...didn't get my point across very well. As for DH - he's made more pro/con lists and he's evaluating. We'll see what he decides. |
Anonymous
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Can the family afford for him to take a step back?
He's only been working for 15 years. He's got at least 25 more years to work. The 20 or so years that a worker has a family at home is half or less of that worker's career. I'd take the very long term view. |
Anonymous
| Why is he putting in all this time for his career now, but not making any additional money over the salary he would draw if he had a "lesser" career? That doesn't make sense to me. |